letter to the pets

Discussion in 'Games, Jokes, and Fun!' started by ams3651, Feb 16, 2009.

  1. ams3651

    ams3651 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jan 23, 2008
    NE PA
    The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

    Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

    The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

    For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

    The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

    Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:


    TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

    (1) They live here. You don't.
    (2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
    (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
    (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

    Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
    (1) eat less,
    (2) don't ask for money all the time,
    (3) are easier to train,
    (4) normally come when called,
    (5) never ask to drive the car,
    (6) don't smoke or drink,
    (7) don't want to wear your clothes,
    (8) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
    (9) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
    (10) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children
     
  2. rocktheflock

    rocktheflock Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Jan 24, 2009
    SW Ohio
    that's great![​IMG]
     
  3. BeckyLa

    BeckyLa Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jan 11, 2007
    N. Louisiana
    [​IMG]
     
  4. chickenbuddy

    chickenbuddy Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jun 4, 2008
    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  5. GracefulBantams

    GracefulBantams Hatching and Showing

    5,473
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    Oct 10, 2007
    Oklahoma
    That is too funny! I am going to try to write one up for poultry owners....
     
  6. GracefulBantams

    GracefulBantams Hatching and Showing

    5,473
    10
    263
    Oct 10, 2007
    Oklahoma
    The following was found posted very low on the back door.

    Dear Chickens and Ducks: These wooden boxes are for you to lay your eggs in - no matter how tantalizing the cushions on my porch chair looks.
    This area with the delicious-looking plants has a fence around it for a reason. I will be sure to share the vegetables with you once they are all grown. But, for now, scratching away the dirt from those tiny seeds doesn't do any of us much good.

    This pathway from the gate to the feed bin was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the feed is not the object. I will walk a fast as I humanly can, but regardless, it is only a few yards. Also encircling my feet does not help, because tripping me just takes me longer.

    I will not buy anything bigger than this 20 gallon water-er. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue hauling fresh buckets of water down to your coop only to find you still have a full container, but you just enjoy pecking drips of water off the leak in the pipe.

    Is there such a problem with your heated/air conditioned coop and it's state-of-the-art building and roost? Or, do you really prefer sleeping in the top of that old apple tree.

    For the last time, just because I somehow forgot to close the porch gate, does not mean that you have a personal invitation to make it your new home. And, pecking on the back door to alert me of your stake-out, is really not such a great idea on your part.


    Finally, in fairness, dear birds, I have posted the following message on the front door:


    TO ALL NON-POULTRY OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR BIRDS:

    (1) They live here. You don't.
    (2) If you don't enjoy them crowing and quacking through our conversation, you are better off not coming by at all.
    (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
    (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, feathery, love to eat the bugs in my garden, lay my breakfast, and don't necessarily speak clearly.

    Remember, my birds are better than your kids because they:
    (1) eat less
    (2) don't ask for money all the time
    (3) are easier to train
    (4) normally come when called
    (5) never ask to drive the car
    (6) don't smoke or drink
    (7) don't want to wear your clothes
    (8) don't have to buy the latest fashions
    (9) don't need a gazillion dollars for college
    and (10) if you don't want grandchildren, you can sell their kids
     
  7. happyhen

    happyhen Chillin' With My Peeps

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    May 8, 2008
    Northeastern Ohio
    [​IMG] Great posts ... both fur and feathers.
     

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