DH's former coworker got married today. Twenty-two guests, mostly family. We've never met the bride. DH and one other guy were the groom's only friends invited. DH wanted to get a gag gift but I talked him out of it and we bought some kitchen things instead. I wrapped them last night. Other than that, I stepped out. I have met the groom all of two times and wouldn't know him if I ran into him on the street. So the outside time limit is fast approaching and DH is still working on the chicken tractors. I tell him to get into the shower if we are going to make it. He tells me "no problem - the ceremony is at 4:30". Fine. We head toward Boston with me reading the directions but when we get there, DH tells me that he's going to wing it. We get stuck smack in the middle of some street festival and at 4:10 get a phone call from the groom. DH tells me that they are going to start the ceremony because people are getting hungry. DH gets annoyed. Who after all starts a ceremony early when guests haven't arrived yet? We get to the place (it's a museum with an events room) at 4:30, park and I pick up the invitation from the back seat. The ceremony was scheduled for 4:00. OK then. We head upstairs. When we get there, the wedding party is taking photos on the balcony. DH tries to get the groom's attention and says that he needs to go out there to say hi. I firmly "suggest" that he have a seat. I sit down as well in my new never worn skirt and blouse which I picked for the slimming effect since my backside has become enormous since I hit 40. The skirt is really flowy and forgiving. Bride and groom come into the room, walk over to us to say hello. I get up to introduce myself to the bride and guess what is plastered to my butt? That's right. Static cling has accented my worst asset in excruciating detail. Which leaves me with two choices. Reach behind me to correct the issue or reach in front to shake the bride's hand. Then DH decides to eat during the toasts and stuff his dirty napkin into his belt before standing up to greet the groom's brother. Thirteen years of marriage and I'm looking at him like "Who are you?" I just hope that they like the gift.