Little lady in a crazy city dreaming of chickens...

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by MisfitMarie, Mar 15, 2015.

  1. MisfitMarie

    MisfitMarie Songster

    Oct 20, 2014
    Portland, OR
    I hate drama. I truly do, but I seemed to have found myself in a bit of it.

    One of my girlfriends is hosting a BBQ today. Many of my "friends" and past coworkers are attending as well. It started half an hour ago. I could have gone, but I didn't. I have a hard time fitting in with people my age, specifically women. I'm not shy, but I am extremely introverted. That's not even the real issue here, though. I still enjoy being social every now and then, but have lately felt conflicted in my current circle.

    My friends are like pretty spring songbirds. The ladies are tall and slender, dressed in expensive fabric, spritzed with designer perfume, and bedazzled in sparkling diamonds. The men wear suits, slick back their hair, and play golf. When we're all together, they will only drink liquor from the top shelf and always with some sort of fancy garnish. They compare investments and property values and salaries and promotions and private schools... The ladies, specifically, enjoy trying on the latest styles, eating five-course meals at expensive restaurants, and having their nails done. They attend spin classes, make the most delicious spinach shakes, and have tans even in winter. They're all stunning.

    I am in no way talking down about their lifestyles. In fact, there is a part of me that has become rather envious... Sometimes, I find myself feeling left out and wishing that I could be more like that... But as hard as I try, at the end of the day, my favorite topics of discussion include the following: major world issues, society, my wonderful two cats, my silly chickens, my new incubator, comparing tomato types, bragging about the size of the veggies I can grow, gardening, pesky garden slugs, etc.

    So, I had *this moment* today, the moment that lead up to me posting this ramble.

    I blew off my friend's BBQ, because I wanted to check out a feed/garden center in my area that I had never been to before.

    Yes, a feed store/garden center...

    There I was, gawking at all of the farm and garden supplies. In my over-sized sweat pants and pink camo jacket. Standing at an unimpressive height of 4'10 3/4". Bare-faced and hair pulled back in a messy bun. Nails bitten back to near stubs. Pale skin, dry lips, and piercings without any actual earrings in them. No children, no investments, no house, no impressive salary. And I was completely fine with all that..

    I just wanted to compare the size of chicken feeders, ask the clerk questions about installing solar lights, and try to decide whether I wanted to plant grapes or arctic kiwis in my small suburban backyard. All of that was much more fun to me than attending a BBQ where I could no longer fit in.

    I started thinking more about what I want: to move into a more rural area, fill it with some animals, and start a garden the size of most nearby housing plots. I want to be surrounded by thriving, organic life. I don't want to bar hop on a Friday night. I want to sit outside on my porch with a glass of the beer that I brew myself and watch over everything. Instead of trying on new shoes, I'd rather bury my hands deep in fresh soil and plant some seeds....

    A few weeks ago, my friend announced that she was getting a divorce. This was the same friend that told me, not too long ago, "You need to doll up while you're still young. We're in our twenties, and our bodies go downhill from here!"

    I find that statement terrifying. It sparks an insecurity within me and makes me wonder if I'm doing everything all wrong.

    I have tried to be supportive, talking to her through the night while she cries and cries and cries. Divorce sounds terribly messy, so many complications and details that I wouldn't be able to keep track of myself. I have learned that my abrupt, matter-of-fact approach to problems has infuriated a lot of people, so I simply listen now. Well, I was listening until last night.

    I say things like, "It's gong to be okay. You're going to be okay. His cheating had nothing to do with you. You're beautiful. You're okay. It's going to be okay." It seems to be what they want to hear. I would much prefer to say something like, "He's an ***hole, your two young boys shouldn't be around that behavior. So pick yourself up, girl. Stop skipping meals. Be strong, and let's form a plan. What is the next step?"

    Last night, I finally suggested that she try to get absorbed in a few new hobbies. It had been a couple weeks of seemingly serious depression, and I voiced my concern.

    I thought she had received my opinion well when I lightly added, "Why don't you bring over a movie? I'll order us a pizza. We can even sit down in the backyard and watch my chickens. I call it 'chicken therapy'!"

    That last bit didn't end very well... at all.

    I hit a hot button, because she went off on me. She told me that I had changed so much over the past couple of years, going on and on about how "different" and "strange" I was. Apparently, my circle has started referring to me as 'their reclusive chicken hobbit friend' behind my back, even referring to my house 'The Hobbit Hole' (and my house is clean, and beautiful, BTW). Then, she told me something that truly bothered me:

    "You're turning into Farmer Joe," she said. "You need a serious intervention."

    I MAY have retorted, "Well, for all the Smart Water you drink, you're sure not very smart."


    So, I guess that's that.

    I see less BBQs in my future...

    Last edited: Mar 15, 2015
  2. justplainbatty

    justplainbatty Songster

    Nov 30, 2007
    emmet MI
    You can't be any one but you. It's ok to unplug and get out of the rat race. I would rather live with real rats than the people kind. Get your own little piece of heaven and live the way you want. I used to have 20 acres but it got to be too much. Now I have 5. I still can do whatever I want and not see a soul for as long as I wish. It's a rural area, I am isolated but not lonely. I'm short a dog at the moment but I have cats and chickens, a boyfriend and a grown son. I don't go to church as often as I should but my back yard is almost as good. True friends don't talk behind your back like that. Too bad. Around here, we're all at the farm store in our dirt stained jeans and carhardts, wind burned and plain faced. We know secrets those folks don't. Just be you. [​IMG]
  3. Razadia

    Razadia The Odd One

    Apr 7, 2011
    Montgomery, Alabama
    Real friends don't treat friends like that. It's the reason I have very, very few friends. Friends that understand that I'm not much of a people person.

    Remember, you don't need anyone's approval to be you! If they can't take you as you and nothing more, they need to get over it and move on. It's hard when you've had the same friends for years, but sometimes people go their own way. You went your own way and they don't seem to approve. You don't have to be a clone of the next person and some people just can't accept that.

    From what you said, it seems like they think of your chickens and gardening as a drug addiction. It also seems like they are holding you against you. So what if you're short? So what if you don't take the time to 'doll up'? So what if you don't wear fancy clothes or have year round tans? Short people are awesome. I'm 5'2", Southern, and I take crap from no one. Your life doesn't have to revolve around putting on a face. If fake beauty isn't your thing, don't let other people say otherwise! Jeans are awesome and comfortable and you can get a better looking tan than they can working with your chickens and in your garden.

    Ok, I'm getting off my soap box now.
  4. Honey Maid

    Honey Maid Songster

    Jan 11, 2015
    State of Jefferson
    Hey MisfitMarie! Dont ever stop dreaming, and trying to get your piece of paradise! I'm like you, never did like the city, or the city people, to me they were/are clueless, most of them. I was never one to socialize much either, no makeup, no high heels, I've ALWAYS hated to get 'dressed up'. Luckily I had a career where I had to wear a uniform.

    Never been one to keep up with the Joneses, and the people that do are actually very insecure, and just sad. I never really even socialized with the people I worked with, still keep in contact with a few, but they are similar to me, self reliant.

    I'd rather get a new chainsaw for Christmas than a diamond ring. I dont care if my dinner plates are chipped. I prefer to pull weeds, clean stalls, muck out the coop, luckily I have a husband that doesnt mind cleaning house :lol:

    Do what you enjoy, chickens, gardening, whatever......

    I'm introverted, and dont especially like women either, unless they are tomboyish, self reliant, dont whine, and can operate a backhoe :lol:

    I hope you can get your place in the country. The 'songbirds' and 'golfers' miss out on how to really live, getting your hands dirty, raising your own food, gathering eggs, harvesting your own honey, cutting wood for winter warmth.......

    Heck, I can attest that your body will not 'go down hill' till you are in your fifties, maybe sixties, but you learn how to adjust, I have.

    Go for it, if you can afford it. if you cant, save for it, get a roommate to help with rent/house payment. Stash some cash every month. I dont know anything about Portland, but is there a country town close enough for a decent commute time for you, to rent or buy some property? Sometimes rents in little country towns can be fairly inexpensive. Anyway, go do what you desire, you'll have plenty of company with like minded people.
  5. MisfitMarie

    MisfitMarie Songster

    Oct 20, 2014
    Portland, OR
    That is too true! I like the idea of unplugging. I have definitely felt like I don't belong where I am lately. I'm feeling like I'm going through a quarter-life crisis, in a very transitional stage right now.

    Yeah, I find a lot of females in my area to be catty, backstabbing, and superficial. I admit, as you could probably tell from my previous sentence, that I can tend to be rather cynical and judgemental... usually out of my own self-preservation. I have a difficult time forming relationships with them, and at this point, trusting the few female friends that I have. It's crazy how people change, getting older and realizing that you're a completely different person. Excellent post!

    Honey Maid, thanks for the awesome reply. I admit, I don't know how to operate a backhoe, but I'd love to learn! [​IMG] Lol

    Self-reliance is extremely important to me. I don't like whining, either.

    I just finished my last quarter of college and will surely be saving up! I want to relocate. Nothing crazy, just enough space for a small hobby farm... certainly a HUGE garden!

    Thanks for the replies, everyone! It put a smile on my face, and I'm having a much better day today. It felt better to rant just a bit. It certainly does feel, as previously mentioned, like I'm going through some sort of quarter-life crisis. Lol.

    I DID go out and plant scarlet runner beans all around my coop yesterday. [​IMG]
    Last edited: Mar 17, 2015
  6. Razadia

    Razadia The Odd One

    Apr 7, 2011
    Montgomery, Alabama

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