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Lost a family member today (looking for advice)

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by ArizonaNessa, Oct 30, 2009.

  1. ArizonaNessa

    ArizonaNessa Joyfully Addicted

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    Apr 7, 2009
    Texas
    Hello everyone. I am looking for a little advice on what to say. My entire family lives in Texas while I live in Arizona. I only get to see a few members of my family maybe once a year. My mother's brother had a heart attack and we all thought it was going to be fine since they sent him home but only a few days later he suffered some sort of spell and was rushed back to the hospital. They put him in a coma and lowered his body temp extremely low. I am not sure exactly what they were trying to do but whatever it was it didn't work. He never regained his ability to breathe on his own and the family decided to turn off the life support.

    Now what I need help with is making the phone call to my mother. Being the youngest child in my family I never really got to know this man all that well. I think I can only remember ever even seeing him maybe 5 times in my whole life. All I know about him is he was a good man. Lover of all things bluegrass and was quite talented with anything that had strings. He was one of only two brothers that my mother had. Her other brother passed away after serving on front lines in Vietnam before I was born.

    I have to call my mom. I have to console her in some way. I just don't know what to say to her. If I could stand in the same room with her I wouldn't have to say anything at all. I could just hold her. Since I didn't know him this is not devastating to me so please don't think I am being cold. It's sad for me that he passed away but I am more concerned with my mother because this is huge for her.

    Any and all advice and words of wisdom are quite welcome because before this evening is over I have to make this call and I want to be able to say something more than "I am so sorry"

    Thank you all for taking the time to read this.

    Vanessa
     
  2. Camelot Farms

    Camelot Farms Chickenista

    I bet that just hearing your voice will be enough. She wont remember the words, just that you called.

    (((hugs)))
     
  3. Eggs4Sale

    Eggs4Sale Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jun 29, 2009
    "I'm so sorry." That's all you need to say. Your mom doesn't need to hear a eulogy from you. She just needs to hear that you're there for her.
     
  4. babymakes6

    babymakes6 Gifted

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    Feb 24, 2009
    far west Ohio
    Just be yourself. She is your mother and she will know what you are trying to tell her without a lot of words. Tell her you will listen if and when she wants to talk. [​IMG]
     
  5. Hoosiermomma

    Hoosiermomma Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jun 6, 2009
    S.E Ind
    Ditto what the other posts have said. Don't worry about what to say it will just flow when the time comes. [​IMG]
     
  6. chickenzoo

    chickenzoo Emu Hugger

    Just let her know that you are there for her, that's all that matters.... [​IMG]
     
  7. CityGirlintheCountry

    CityGirlintheCountry Green Eggs and Hamlet

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    Jul 7, 2007
    Middle TN
    You might not have to talk much at all. She might appreciate having someone to talk to. Maybe get her to tell you all the good memories of her brother (especially since you didn't know him all that well). She might like to have someone she can reminisce with. Tears and laughter, you know?

    [​IMG] to you. This is hard for you too. [​IMG]
     
  8. ArizonaNessa

    ArizonaNessa Joyfully Addicted

    1,798
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    Apr 7, 2009
    Texas
    Thank you everyone that commented or messaged me with words of comfort. I called my mother and it went much better than I thought it would. I think she had pretty much accepted this when he was rushed back to the hospital the second time. She even made a little comment about God needing more guitar strings and this being the only way to get them up there.

    Again thank you all and God Bless.
     
  9. PortageGirl

    PortageGirl Chillin' With My Peeps

    I'm glad it went well, but I'm not surprised that it did, I could tell from your post that you have a good heart and wanted to do the right thing for your mom for all the right reasons. She no doubt knows that about you better than we do, and as the others said, just having you call did the trick.

    One thing, you don't say how close your mother was with her brother, but whether she was close to him or not, either way, I know from my own experiences there's one more thing you might want to do sometime real soon for her. You could suggest to your mom, that sometime down the road, when and if she feels up to it, you'd like to hear some stories about her and her brother. Maybe she's told stories before, but giving her a chance to share them again or else new ones, is a sort of gift. Ask again in a week or a month whatever you think best, but ask again even if she lets it drop cause sometimes people don't think others really mean it when they ask such things, and it can be a blessing to give her a chance to talk about those things. [​IMG] In any case, it sounds like ye done good! [​IMG]
     
  10. ArizonaNessa

    ArizonaNessa Joyfully Addicted

    1,798
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    Apr 7, 2009
    Texas
    She is very close to all her siblings. I will share a short little story for you guys that she has always talked about.

    They grew up living farm life. My mother was born in 1942 and is one of 3 girls and 2 boys. Mom has always talked about how after they got home from school each day grandma would have sweet potatoes baked and still hot in the oven. Each child was to grab a sweet tater and off to the fields they went. Back then everyone had to do their part. Well my mother would get so angry because Uncle Buddy (the one that passed away today) would always be faster and would get first choice of the sweet taters. He would also get in trouble often for taking the last piece of fried chicken at dinner. You see in my grandmother's house no one was allowed the last piece of anything. She always said it was in case company came by but in reality it was for grandpa's late night snack. [​IMG]

    What I have heard of him he was an awesome guy and I want to thank you all for helping me to get through a sad time. I know that finding comfort on a chicken forum might seem odd to some but you folks seem to have bigger hearts than most of the people I can see face to face.

    I know my mom has some secret letters in her drawer at home. She does not know that I know they are there and I think I am going to plan a talk with her soon. The letters are from the uncle that died before I was born. They are letters that he wrote to her from Vietnam. I think this will be a good way for her to be able to talk about some of the past and I can learn more about this part of my family.

    I would like to remind anyone and everyone that reads this forum to tell the ones you love that you love them and never go to bed angry. Each day is a blessing and should not be taken for granted. Have that talk. Give that hug and Live each moment without regret.

    ~~Vanessa
     

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