Lying or Truth

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by herfrds, May 25, 2010.

  1. herfrds

    herfrds Songster

    Jan 11, 2010
    Got a call this morning from DH's cousin who just got divorced.

    Well one of the kids texted him that the ex had gotten mad at the kid and had grabbed him by the neck and choked him. When he broke away and ran for the door she tackled him to the floor and wouldn't let him leave.

    Now his ex might weight 110 soaking wet. The kid is almost as tall as she is and is maybe 10# less. also a wrestler.

    That is one reason I am wondering if it was the truth. Kid claims there are no marks. If the kid was choked there would have been marks around the neck. from what else was claimed there would have also been other marks. Claims there is none.

    I am concerned that if there is abuse something needs to be done, but if there is none why is this kid driving his Dad crazy with these tales.

    I will see the kid tomorrow and talk to him one on one.
  2. sfw2

    sfw2 Global Menace

    I obviously don't know the whole story, but I agree that I would expect some sort of marks/scratches/bruises if all that happened. It sounds like somebody might be exaggerating a little to get Dad's attention. [​IMG] [​IMG]

    Hope everything turns out okay. [​IMG]
  3. twentynine

    twentynine Songster

    Jun 14, 2009
    You and your husband sure are real involved in his cousin's divorce.

    Been a few post regarding cousin divorce and ex, you sure that you aren't becoming part of the problem
  4. SillyChicken

    SillyChicken Crowing 8 Years

    Jan 12, 2010
    hard to tell..

    I know my experience has been, that kids in a divorce tend to "pit" parents against eachother, and will bring in "reinforcements" to help make the parents look bad.
  5. Mahonri

    Mahonri Urban Desert Chicken Enthusiast Premium Member

    May 14, 2008
    North Phoenix
    My Coop
    One of the many problems with pitting parents against one another.
  6. Marie1234

    Marie1234 Songster

    Mar 29, 2010
    Remind Dad that while he and the ex are divorced they need a united front with the kids. If he never saw her abuse the kids before this then he probably isn't getting the whole story from the text the kid sent.
    I've had conversations with my kids that went like: Kid: "I'm going to (insert name of delinquent friend here) house." Me: "No, you're not." Kid: "Yes, I am and you can't do anything about it." Me: "Watch this." insert sounds of scuffle, thump, followed by bedroom door slam Kid: "I'm telling my DAD!" Me: "I'm already dialing the number myself!"

    I once pulled my 15 year old daughter out of her boyfriend's car in the middle of the McDonalds drive thru lane and had her spread eagle on the pavement because she had told me she was going to be "babysitting" that night till midnight. Yes, someone called the police on me, they pulled me over a mile down the road, then I lit into her for wasting their time because of her lies in front of them. One county car and two state cars full of officers responding to a potential "kidnapping." The officer in charge was stunned and jokingly asked me to keep track of his kids too. She is now 21 and has a great job at a hospital, a decent car she paid for herself, and a nice apartment of her own. No apparent damage there.

    I've managed to get six kids out of my house who are now over 18 and have jobs. Four of them boys. There have been moments where had someone looked at a specific two minute time frame the appearance would have been abuse. The kids learned that I won't be lied to or manipulated. They also learned that if they tried to make me look stupid by doing things behind my back I would return the favor by embarrassing them. My ex-husband learned to say "Kid, don't mess with your mom, she will kick your hind end and make you clean up the mess with your only pillow case."

    I'm not saying that real abuse does not exist. It does. I'm just saying that adolescents and teens can be a handful, kids of recently divorced or non-communicating parents inherently learn to try to pit them against each other, and the combination of the two is a powder keg.
  7. toletiquesbysam

    toletiquesbysam Songster

    Sep 19, 2008
    I believe every story has 2 sides, and his side isn't sounding 100% truthful! Can you talk to the X as well as the kid?
  8. Cindiloohoo

    Cindiloohoo Quiet as a Church Mouse

    Dec 19, 2009
    Southwest TN
    Abuse is not a one time issue. It is ongoing. HOWEVER, I got custody of my sister when I was 21 and there were 'no marks' because he beat her in the top of her head where it could not be seen. If that kid was literally choked, there would be a mark somewhere. If she just put her hand on his neck to stop him from moving, that is not abuse, and he would likely percieve it as choking. My question would be what was HE doing to get her to do something like that in the first place? I have had to physically hold down a child to keep them from hurting me when they were angry. I had my arm around their neck and under the chin to keep from getting headbutted in the nose, while I calmly talked the child into to settling themselves down. If I were that kid, I could see where that could have been perceived as choking them, but I wasn't and wasn't accused of it either. You have to look at the whole situation, not just an immature childs idea of what happened. They are irrational and emotional...especially when going through a divorce situation. It is ten times harder on a child than it is an adult. If anything, I would talk to the mom and dad about how her reactions are influencing the emotion of the kid and that she is treading on very thin ice with that kid due to the stresses of the divorce alone, not necessarily due to being a bad parent. Communication MUST stay OPEN between them and the children or someone is going to get seriously hurt, and I don't mean physically. Kids are much more delicate emotionally than us adults.
  9. DuckLady

    DuckLady Administrator Staff Member Premium Member 11 Years

    Jan 11, 2007
    NE Washington State
    I would just stay out of it.
  10. I went through this when I was a kid and with my own kids and now with my step kids it all come down to I wanna live with the other parent so If I make up a big enough lie you will take me so I can live with you. so the abuse (rather or not real) is all a ploy if mom never did this before why would she start now? Kid is wrestler so if mom had him pinned he would go into wrestler mode automaticly no marks My butt I was choked a few times growing up trust me there would be marks if mom was chocking him that bad besides mom or not hte kid would have fought back the body would not allow it to happen he would have pushed or something. SO I say it is fake and he is doing to live with dad is all that is. See when they weren't divorced there was still a chance of them getting back togther (in a childs mind) but with the divorce that just means there is no chance of it so tell your husbands cousin get ready the worst it yet to come and it will be a long hard ride until the kid realizes it will never happen.

    I wish him all the Luck in the world I know what is in store and it is not pretty at all.

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