Me, My Life, and I..

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by WriterofWords, Jul 25, 2010.

  1. WriterofWords

    WriterofWords Has Fainting Chickens

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    Dec 25, 2007
    Chaparral, New Mexico
    As I go back to work tomorrow,, I'm not as happy as I normally am at the beginning of the year. I guess in my mind I've made the decision I'll be leaving here as soon as I get the money together to take care of things, so psychologically speaking I'm already leaving in my mind. My administration has let me down, I no longer love the school I work at,, but I still love the kids. I can love the students anywhere though, that won't change, my love of helping the students.

    Last night and today I got a rude awakening that has been weighing me down, my heart is heavy, my mind can't wrap around the things I've learned in less that 24 hours. March 19, 2009 a wonderful friend who had been living in Oregon killed himself. His family didn't know how to contact me so they contacted my ex husband to tell me what had happened, he never told me. I found out last night on Facebook because his little sister found me there. I asked how her family was doing, I was afraid she would be telling me her mother had died sometime because she's been fighting a brain cancer that started as a melanoma on her shoulder and has had many, many, surgeries and treatment on her brain. No, her mother is still alive, but Joe, my friend, her brother, killed himself. I missed the memorial in El Paso because my ex didn't see fit to tell me. Joe's family had turned on me like a nest of vipers when I divorced Ken, all but Joe, and Dawn his little sister. Last time I saw her she was 12, now she's a mother, 27, and living in NM. She had been afraid to contact me, not knowing how I would react to hearing from them, I told her she was a child and I have no hard feelings towards her, so she called me and we talked for a long time. I found out things that have happened with my ex in the last few years that really shocked me, but upon a little online research, she was proven to be telling the truth.

    My ex has been arrested for embezzling money from two older women he has always told me and Steven he was helping out because they needed it. He was also helping them out of a lot of money and was stupid enough to have them make out checks to him and he cashed them. He wrote in the corner is was for "work". Several thousand dollars of "work" evidently. I had questioned him last year as to how he got the money to go to Steven's graduation from Basic,, that whole nightmare of a tow truck towing him across several states,, a lot of money,, he said he'd done a big job and was paid cash for it. Two months after I got back from Steven's graduation I had several calls from the El paso County Jail on my caller ID. They make a lot of crank calls from there, just picking numbers out of a phone book so I never answered them. It was probably him because that was how long ago he was arrested. When he was out of contact with Steven for 3 months,, it was because he was in jail.

    I was filled in how he had moved Joe's mom into a trailer with the other older woman he was helping so she would have company, I was also told about a restraining order filed by the APS in Texas against him to keep him away from both women and how now Dawn has control over her mother's accounts and business. I really didn't want to believe he would stoop so low, but he hasn't held a job since he went AWOL from the NM Guard in 1994, but he's always had a little money in his pocket, I assumed it was his allowance from the woman who has supported him all those years.

    Dawn told me they had recouped $7500 from an inheritance Ken got last year, I have no idea who died, but the government grabbed it right away and split it between the two women's estates. The only reason he isn't in jail is the same Dr. that has given him letters to say he can't work because of his heart attack and Crohn's disease has given the same evidence to the courts to show why he can't work to pay back the rest of the money he owes the women.

    It breaks my heart to think that he has fallen that far, that he chose the easy way out, the illegal way out, while I've driven myself crazy trying to support myself and Steven. I forgave him last year, for the lack of child support and contact with Steven, because I just can't deal with that on my mind anymore. Now I find out he had the money to pay it, it was ill-gotten, but he had it.

    Steven and I have had problems recently, I've mentioned that, I've tried not to harp on it, but one of the things that is between us is his thought that his father is such a good guy, and part of that is my fault. Growing up I never said a bad word about him, I told Steven his dad loved him but couldn't call because his job made him travel, etc. Steven has had a lot of trouble bonding with him but since his Basic graduation they've done a little better. There is no way I'll tell him about this while he is at AIT, and I don't know if I ever will tell him. But lately when we argue he throws in my face what a good father Ken has become and how he listens to him and supports him,, and now it hurts even more because of what I know.

    Please forgive this long, written down thought. It's not a rant, I just had to put into words what I'm feeling, because right now I have nowhere else to go with these feelings other than my BYC family. I'm hurting right now, for my lost friend, for my ex husband who has fallen so far I can't describe it, for my son who doesn't really know the man he thinks he does, and for me, because I'm not real sure who I am anymore,, and where I'm going and what I'm doing or how I'll do it.
     
  2. Imp

    Imp All things share the same breath- Chief Seattle

    I'm sorry things are tough right now, Writer. Things will get better.

    Imp
     
  3. BarkerChickens

    BarkerChickens Microbrewing Chickenologist

    Nov 25, 2007
    High Desert, CA
    [​IMG] Word won't help much, but I'll give you big hugs! [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  4. Sir Birdaholic

    Sir Birdaholic Night Knight

    [​IMG] SO SORRY [​IMG]
     
  5. WriterofWords

    WriterofWords Has Fainting Chickens

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    Dec 25, 2007
    Chaparral, New Mexico
    [​IMG] Thank you, it helped a little just knowing that someone else knows now what I'm feeling. I can't talk to my family and friends here about this one because they will run straight to Steven with it and he's got enough on his mind at AIT.
     
  6. PineappleMama

    PineappleMama Chillin' With My Peeps

    Quote:I can understand not telling him right now, given the situation. But not enlightening him could be a huge mistake. If he thinks that dad is a saint then he just might fall for it when dad asks for a loan... and I'm sure we can all guess how that would end up. Your son gets hurt. If he knows the facts then at least IF he chooses to make that loan it is an educated choice. He'll know that he's never gonna see that money again, so he won't be counting on it to pay this or that. And, it'll save him being hurt too.

    If yours is old enough to deal with the strains of the military. To risk his life for all of us, then he's old enough to see his father for what he is. Old enough to make the choice of whether he wants to have contact with a crook, who might very well manipulate him, or not. Just my two cents, but I'm a honesty is the best policy person.... well, and the fact that if he got screwed over and finds out you knew all along and didn't warn him then YOUR relationship could be damaged. Just not worth it to protect a scuzzball.
     
  7. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

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    May 19, 2008
    Western MA
    Quote:I can understand not telling him right now, given the situation. But not enlightening him could be a huge mistake. If he thinks that dad is a saint then he just might fall for it when dad asks for a loan... and I'm sure we can all guess how that would end up. Your son gets hurt. If he knows the facts then at least IF he chooses to make that loan it is an educated choice. He'll know that he's never gonna see that money again, so he won't be counting on it to pay this or that. And, it'll save him being hurt too.

    If yours is old enough to deal with the strains of the military. To risk his life for all of us, then he's old enough to see his father for what he is. Old enough to make the choice of whether he wants to have contact with a crook, who might very well manipulate him, or not. Just my two cents, but I'm a honesty is the best policy person.... well, and the fact that if he got screwed over and finds out you knew all along and didn't warn him then YOUR relationship could be damaged. Just not worth it to protect a scuzzball.


    I agree with her.. I would tell him in a little while.
    He deserves to know the truth...then let everything else be his choice.
    Sorry your feeling so crummy right now, WoW...
    Things will get better.. trust me.
     
  8. card5640

    card5640 Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Mar 27, 2009
    Bangor area, Maine
    Wow what a crazy situation, you are strong and thats obvious by your details and strength based assessment you always gave your sons Dad. But beware if your son needs deep background checks they may dig into the parental criminal stuff, he should be forwarned in a non emotional way. Hang in there.
     
  9. WriterofWords

    WriterofWords Has Fainting Chickens

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    Dec 25, 2007
    Chaparral, New Mexico
    OMG, I hadn't even thought about the background checks for his security clearances. I'm afraid to tell him because I know right now that he won't believe me, he'll blame me for hating his dad and trying to cause trouble. I don't want to lose my son, don't want him hurt, don't want his career damaged, I don't know what to do.
     
  10. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

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    May 19, 2008
    Western MA
    Well..you said that you looked online for the proof that what your friend told you about your ex was true....
    Just send him the proof... he cant argue with you about FACTS..
    Tell him that you are worried about any parental security checks he'll need for his military job... and that you felt that he NEEDED to know what you know about his father... just in case it comes up someday...

    Maybe not now... maybe once he gets settled....
     

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