Middle Aged Men...

[HiyokoInNippon]

At my local Ramen shop b/c I don't feel like cooking and it is LITERALLY around the corner it is maybe 500ft from my appt if you count getting out of my appt as well. In sweats and a jimbe top (think yukata with ties, long as a tunic shirt) with a cardigan, I could no look like I give less of a hoot unless my hair was down. I see a group of three 40-60 year old men and one woman at the bar and go to the exact opposite end. I want to eat my dinner, read my book and go.

Of course, that isn't going to happen. I get a "What's up?" in surprisingly good english so I reply that I am fine in Japanese. As usual, they are surprised I speak Japanese, go through the normal "where are you from, how long have you been here, are you married" crap. I reply nicely because I am automatically an ambassador for every english speaker ever. I should really stop replying I am single. I spend the rest of the meal getting hit on and invited to karaoke next door. I really should take the married route next time. Or stop being so nice...

 

[sourland]

Blame it on the testosterone - and the fact that many are just 'tools'.

 

[HiyokoInNippon]

Don't I know it. I just wish this was an exception... some days I really hate being a foreigner ^^;

 

[3goodeggs]

Of course, that isn't going to happen. I get a "What's up?" in surprisingly good english so I reply that I am fine in Japanese. As usual, they are surprised I speak Japanese, go through the normal "where are you from, how long have you been here, are you married" crap. I reply nicely because I am automatically an ambassador for every english speaker ever. I should really stop replying I am single. I spend the rest of the meal getting hit on and invited to karaoke next door. I really should take the married route next time. Or stop being so nice...

Thank you for that!

Don't stop being nice. But learn how to say, "It was nice meeting you, but I must try to finish my book."

You are allowed to say 'No" without explaining yourself.
Good luck.
You know, they might have been wanting to practice their English. There might have been a decent motive.


....and I might be very naive.

 

[HiyokoInNippon]

Thank you for that!

Don't stop being nice. But learn how to say, "It was nice meeting you, but I must try to finish my book."

You are allowed to say 'No" without explaining yourself.
Good luck.
You know, they might have been wanting to practice their English. There might have been a decent motive.


....and I might be very naive.

They probably are! And if they want to do that, I charge ~2500Y/hr. In my off time, I want to practice my Japanese. And if they are nice (and not sexually harassing me in Japanese) I might even help them with their English.

Also, I really do hate saying that I want to read... I know how to say it, I just hate to do it. Grammar is horrible but it looks something like this: すみません　でした　でもさあ～　わたしは　これのほん　べんきょうする。　Excuse me but I am studying my book. Still have large vocab holes ^^;;

 

[HiyokoInNippon]

Called my mom today as I am wont to do... I never want biological children for various reasons, chief amongst which is that I have a chronic pain condition that started when I was a child. It was 10 years (about 18 years old) from onset to when I finally stood up for myself and demanded that I see a neurologist to figure out what the heck was going on.

For the first time in all the years since I finally stood up to my parents to demand help (to not just suck it up, try diet changes, or take yet more ibuprofen) my mother apologized for not getting me help sooner.

In all honesty, I'm stunned. I'm glad she finally realized that she should have done something when I was in middle school and taking 8 ibuprofen a day at lunch just to get through. On the other hand, I feel guilty that I blame her in any way. Anyone have any thoughts? Helpful or otherwise?

 

[3goodeggs]

My mother assumed that any pain she was not feeling was not real pain. She never had migraines, thus I could not hurt that badly.

So, my chronic pain ended up being something called acephalgic migraines. It took forty years to find someone to diagnose it. Because the pain I was feeling was not really occurring from the place that was hurting I was brushed aside as a hypochondriac.

Then I had an episode that kept me from being able to use my right hand. I went to a neurologist. I was waiting in this doctor's exam room and he walked in and said, "So you have migraines!"
And I said, 'no, my head is fine.' And he said, 'No, You have migraines.' and started to explain this rare form of migraines to me. Suddenly all the pieces fell into place and it was nice to know that my hoof prints were Zebra hoof prints after all- and that I wasn't just a nut.
There is not much that can be done, but... Now I know what is worth spending money on and what isn't

http://headaches.about.com/od/diagnosis/a/WhatAcephMx.htm

As far as your mom goes... I was pretty much an inconvenience to mine, and anything that she could make me feel guilty for she did.
I am an adult now, It is past and over. (My grandmother would buy me Bufferin.) I did not waste my mother's money or time. BUT- I won't feel guilty either.

I blame my mom for a lot of things. Far worse than ignoring my health. It does not help me any. I does not fix anything, and the past can not be rewritten. My mother doesn't feel badly about anything... Count your blessings. Your mom is seeing the other side of the coin. She did not know, She has apologized, let it go, now is now.
The past just weighs you down and keeps you from enjoying the now's to come.

And as far as kids, I have loved having a child. I have loved every phase, every blip, every bump.(Even walking into the the living room and seeing it covered in duct tape and string, It's funny- now.)
But, again, I am not my mother.
I did not get my migraines from her either.
I hope my son won't get them, But mine started as a preschooler, He has not had anything like it. Maybe it is just genetic roulette.

Don't let fear keep you from living. Life is shorter than we think it is. Forgive an forget and be graceful towards your parents. Hindsight is so much clearer. She would do it differently now. Accept her apology and try to understand that we just grow older and we become parents and none of us really know what we are doing.

 

[HiyokoInNippon]

This is no longer preventing me from living life (thank you modern medicine) and nor is the thought. I had never really, consciously thought to blame her until she apologized. I am honestly so thankful my family could afford to pay for very expensive neuro visits (praying that I just had a brain tumor) and experimental treatments that it had not occurred to me.

Also, I love kids, I just don't want any. I have a lot of (proven genetic through three generations) family issues I just don't want to burden any child with. If for some reason, far in the future, I decide to have kids I'll adopt or foster some older children. I don't need a shiny new baby, I want to help.

Anyways, thank you. Your perspective really helped me sort out my own feelings. Glad you are better!

 

[HiyokoInNippon]

I love my family but marinating a turkey overnight (it was not frozen), outside, when it is in the 50s... all five toilets are ready and we have two docs in the family to write Rxs as needed. We might also play with the clocks to make him (the bone headed uncle who thinks this is a great idea) think the time elapsed is shorter than reality. Wish us luck.