Military arrangements questions for friend...

[SourRoses]

Right... I know my title is substantially less stellar than my usual titles

But I'm tired and wanted to ask this question on the way to bed.

One of my dearest friends has been in the Navy for several years now... haven't gotten to talk to her much... but anyway, she just called to share the great news that she is pregnat for the first time.
Thing is... she seems to think she is going to get in trouble? She was always a quiet girl, I'm sure the military has affected her some, but from all that I can tell, she is still a bit... meek. Well that means I probably need to encourage her in the right directions... she doesen't have permanent housing at the moment as she is assigned to a ship, though has been mainland for a specific duty for a while. So she thinks she is going to be reasigned to a different duty... I think that it sounds totally impractical for her to raise a baby in the tiny apartment she has been in since they finally got her out of the hotel she was stuck in forever.... complicated affair. But my question is... those who have knowledge of the way these things work... what does she need to be doing to get herself in proper accomodations, ect? All practical stuff. She says she is staying in until her term is up.. at which time her schooling will also be done... but thats a good year of baby-raising for her to do at the same time. Paperwork?

 

[TrystInn]

Navy wife here, husband has served 19+ years. I'm trying to make sense of your paragraph there, but confused as all get out. Clear up a few things for me, if you can.

Is your friend married?
Is she currently on sea duty?
If so, is she currently on deployment? (If she got pregnant on deployment, yes she can get in trouble for that!)

She'll likely be re-assigned to light duty, which means someone else will have to take her billet.

When is her current tour up? When is her current contract up (I'm assuming enlisted)?

 

[SourRoses]

Ooops.. I'm sorry... I'm usually good at being clear, but I was determined to get my question posted before I went to bed, so it's not clear to me either.

She is engaged.

She was assigned to a ship... which she was present on for a good portion of her duty so far... then they decided to send her back to Virginia to work supply for the ship. Thats all that I understand of that. So she has been in Virginia for a while, but I think shes still assigned to the ship. Which is why they had her stuck in hotels and sub-par accomodations, because she wasn't part of the regular operations? Something like that.

She is still at work for the Navy! I know that... wether that means deployment or not, I have no clue. She has 2 years left. She is doing school at the same time and has 2 years left on that as well.

Did I do ok? LOL

Be back on the morrow with a fresh head

 

[TrystInn]

That makes a bit more sense, sounds like she was on gypsy det (was she on a carrier?). Someone is going to have to get yanked off their billet and put on hers aboard the boat, so that's not going to make her any friends there. Her career is going to take a major hit.

Likely she's going to be re-assigned to another command for the remainder of her contract. There's specific regulations on this, they should be scrounging her up light duty and finding a command for her. Given her unmarried status, that could be anywhere though.

 

[SourRoses]

Yep.. she was on a carrier.
I was trying to leave some parts un-specific... just in case

She hasn't told them yet

So I usually always came in as the pushy practical older friend... and I feel like she needs some pushing in this matter to make good plans.. she was kind of wishy-washy on the whole subject.. I think over being scared of getting in trouble *sigh*.

But that might sound a little presumptuous from me... I just want to make sure she gets everything settled so she is OK and her baby is OK.
I offered to take the baby off her hands for a while after it's born

But she protested....

 

[TrystInn]

Once the Navy Medicine department knows and her Command knows, its pretty much out of her hands. I'm not sure where she's home based, they likely will send her back there due to budgetary constraints - they aren't moving anyone they don't have to right now.

If she's single and remains single, the Navy can push her to jave the baby and go back to the boat after maternity leave. Which means, she would have to temporarily give custody of the child to the father or someone else.

If she gets married, then the detailer will have to take both billets into consideration. I'm sort of assuming they are on the same base, from what you've said, which makes things easier. They'll be given military housing, depending on their rank - an apartment or house, depending on availability, etc.

You can contact me backchannel, if you're concerned about "outing" her, etc.

 

[SourRoses]

Thanks Tryst

 

[dewey]

Even if coming across as wishy-washy to others with details of what is being left unspoken to certain others, those in the situation are very much aware of exactly what it means for them. Decisions will basically be made on the party's behalf, which, without a doubt, the party is very well aware of. There's not much left to guesswork in this type of situation since being nondeployable or being a contributing factor for another soldier becoming nondeployable (if the father is also enlisted) has a price to pay. At least that's the way it was last I knew of. Caring friends are a good means of emotional support for the party, but it's pretty much out of their hands now except for settling guardianship matters.

 

[Stacykins]

Both my parents were officers in the Navy, Dad for 27 years, Mom for 14. She will most definitely have to identify a guardian for the child for when she is deployed after maternity leave. When I was a growing up, my parents hired a live in nanny (who was like a second Mum to me and my sister) who could take over guardianship if both Mom and Dad were deployed. Usually at least one parent was always on shore, but sometimes, not. It is a tough life juggling kids and a military career if a single Mom is in the service, or if both parents are in the service.

And the military is cutting numbers down now, so she needs to be vigilant that this could make her ineligible for reenlistment when that time comes.

 

[sfw2]

Retired Navy wife here, too. From what you've said, I think the previous posters have given you an accurate assessment of what your friend can expect. I wish her well. It's tough enough being a woman in the military, without throwing a baby into the mix.

To the rest of you Navy wives, finish this sentence:

"The Navy didn't . . ."

Things have changed somewhat in the years since my husband retired (women on carriers, for one thing), but I agree that Squishy's friend has got a tough row to hoe.