Mom is dying

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by ZooMummzy, Nov 15, 2008.

  1. ZooMummzy

    ZooMummzy Queen of the Zoo

    Mar 31, 2008
    Philomath, Oregon
    I posted a thread a few weeks ago about my Mom's breast cancer so I thought I'd update everyone (thank you for all the very kind words and support - it has helped so much!) and vent/share a little more.

    The last week has been hell, to say the least. After getting my daughter's friend, who is like my adopted daughter, settled into our family (she is living here now due to things not going so great at her house) it all went downhill. Tuesday morning our oldest dog was euthanized due to colon cancer. While going out the door to take him to the vet, my step father called (the one I was having so many problems with) crying and asking me to come as soon as possible since he was having a hard time dealing with my Mom since she couldn't walk or eat. So, I started to get things in order here to fly to CA tomorrow. Before the end of the day on Tuesday, my Mom was in the hospital again, which was probably a blessing for everyone.

    During all this, my mom's cousin decided it was his place to call me and tell me to keep my mouth shut and not give advice while I am there because he has it all under control. He called me a family trouble maker and that is why my Mom never shares things with me. My "place" was not to upset her but to make sure that the house was cleaned and Marve had food. I won't even go into what I told him because it isn't fit for this board! Least to say that my stepfather stepped in and took care of him and while he never wants to have anything to do with me again, at least he is out of my hair. This man is 65 years old, you'd think he'd know better.

    Last night my stepfather called and told me to sit down (never a good thing). They have stopped the chemo because she is not strong enough to handle it and also because she is dying of the cancer. It is unstoppable. It has spread to her kidneys, brain and possibly other parts of her body via the lymph nodes. Her PET scan came back clean so we are really not sure what happened, but at this point, it really doesn't matter. She is constantly sedated, which is good but I can't help but be selfish and wish I could have had that one last chat with her.

    My husband and kids are following to CA as soon as I have more info. Everyone says the kids shouldn't see her like that, but I feel it is important to honor what they want. If they want to see their grandma, knowing the condition she is in, then I will give them that. Everyone should be allowed to deal with death in their own way, even if it is the first time dealing with it. I know I would never trade the few days I had with my Nana when she was dying of cancer. It wasn't pleasant, but it was better than seeing her at the funeral. I really feel they are a cruel last reminder.

    Me, I'm dealing it with the way I always do...staying up all night cleaning and keeping busy. I haven't cried yet but I know I will at some point. Right now, I need to be strong for my family, especially my stepfather. I'm not really sure what to expect when I get to CA tomorrow, but I'm pretty sure I'm unprepared for it even with all my strength.

    Please keep my family and my Mom in your prayers. At this point, I am hoping for a quick end to her suffering. Thank you again for all your support and for letting me just "talk".
     
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2008
  2. sunnychooks

    sunnychooks Chillin' With My Peeps

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    NJ
    My thoughts and prayers are with your Mom, you and your family.
     
  3. key west chick

    key west chick Chillin' With My Peeps

    May 31, 2008
    Gainesville, GA
    So sorry, I'll be praying for you and your family. I agree, if your kids are old enough and want to see their grandma one more time, they should. I wish I could have seen mine one more time before she passed.
     
  4. cjeanean

    cjeanean Can't Decide

    Mar 5, 2008
    Missouri
    I completely understand u wanting to have one last chat with her, and honestly I think she wants the same thing. I know my mom would want the same thing. I am so sorry for what you're going through, and I pray you can be strong and make it through. [​IMG]
     
  5. rubyv67

    rubyv67 Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Daggett,CA
    We just found out we're related, now I want to cry! [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] :aww
     
  6. miss_jayne

    miss_jayne Lady_Jayne

    Jun 26, 2008
    Columbiaville, MI
    God is with you. And you have many joined in agreement here. God's will be done.

    For your mom, i will cling to this in my prayers, also proclaiming it:

    For He has not turned away from the suffering of the one in pain or trouble. He has not hidden His face from him. But He has heard his cry for help.
    Psalm 22:24

    For you, i will meditate and claim this:

    Even if I walk in trouble, You will keep my life safe. You will put out Your hand against the anger of those who hate me. And Your right hand will save me.
    Psalm 138:7

    as for the family members treating you with anger and unkindness....the bible says if we pray for our enemies, it is as heaping HOT COALS upon their heads. start praying for them. not for them to change, but for them positively. see what happens then....


    God bless you and keep you. These times are so very difficult, but we are promised that everything we go through is making us fully mature.

    there are many of us here for you and ready to do some prayer war. we are having my FAVORITE meal tonight....pot roast with all the trimmings.
    i will be skipping it and taking a half hour to pray only for this situation.

    let me know if there is something more than prayer that can be done.

    love in Christ....rhandi-jayne
     
  7. junebug7334

    junebug7334 Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Sep 24, 2008
    I am so sorry that you are going through this. It is tough, and will keep you and your mom in my prayers.[​IMG]
     
  8. justhatchin

    justhatchin Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Galva, Kansas
    You are doing the right thing. Be strong for your children but take time to cry and it's ok to let them see you cry. Then they know it's ok for them too. Prayers and thoughts are going out to you and your mom. [​IMG] :aww
     
  9. Jena

    Jena The Welsh Witch

    Nov 2, 2008
    Cardiff
    Thinking of you and your Mum and your family,

    You are strong enough and seem like a realist, you will be fine and you will support her when she needs you to be there.

    I was kept from my mother at the end, by a spoilt and selfish brother, and I am still struggling with it. I had cared for her all my life, and can not resolve what happened at the end. So ignore all the flack, take your place, and be you. Make the decisions that are important to you.

    Stay strong and take care of you as well.

    blessing to you all.

    Jena.
     
  10. Rachael

    Rachael Out Of The Brooder

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    Oct 26, 2008
    Ireland
    you and your family are in my thoughts. I am so sorry ((((Hugs))))
    I lost my Dad suddenly a year ago this month and it was so hard.

    Rachael
     

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