Mom's Latest Plan ~Rant-ish~

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by PineappleMama, Jul 22, 2010.

  1. PineappleMama

    PineappleMama Chillin' With My Peeps

    So, some may recall that niece and nephew (Sis's kiddos) were taken by CPS this past Thursday?

    Mum's been trying to get a loan, APPROVED, and is now waiting on closing. It's been a strain, high electric, high water for this house that's way too big. I think it was too big when her and hubby moved there, but that's me. In any case, in the divorce she's allowed to live there until it sells, but she has to maintain it and be ready on 5 mins (or less) notice to leave so it can be shown... etc. Pretty stressful.

    So, she's checking the mail and sees vouchers for free play at some such casino in Shreveport. Pay for a cheap hotel, but food and shuttle are included. Something like $200 in vouchers. She called to invite me to go with... leave Sat morning, 6am or so, and come back Sunday 7pm or so. AND she invited Sis.

    Now, I might be able to talk my MIL into taking the kiddos (DH works all day Sat) and I don't mind playing penny slots. Drink for free playing those, shuttle is driving, so not too shabby. But the only time I've gone was with her (and hubby) and DH years ago. Seems weird to try going without him... even if it is poda be a "Girls Night Out" sort of thing... she's harping on that since Bro can't come.

    But besides that... she says "We can drink for free"... not "You" or even "Y'all" but "We"... this from the woman in AA. Been in it quite a while, running meetings, volunteering, teaching CPS classes... etc. There should NOT be a we in that department for her. That's worrisome.

    Secondly, I am not too thrilled with the idea that as a reward for using drugs and getting her kids taken away AGAIN that sis is being rewarded with a Girls Night Out drinking casino party.

    So... am I just being judgey or does anyone else see these as valid concerns? Should I even bother calling and asking MIL about sitting and go if she's up for it... or should I just say she can't do it and not go. I worry that the two of them will be a walking disaster together, but I also am not all that keen on babysitting either. It is kinda fun to go when things go well, but only time I did was with DH, don't know that it'd be as fun without my partner.

    Anywho, thoughts appreciated... I was typing this as mom was talking so now I'ma go run it by DH and see what he thinks... he knows me (and them) well enough that he'll probably bring up my own concerns and then leave it to me... hence asking for WoW from any willing to toss in their two pennies.
     
  2. WriterofWords

    WriterofWords Has Fainting Chickens

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    My view? Don't go. Tell her flat out that the "we" in drinking is making you uncomfortable, and that the sister has absolutely no business out partying after having her kids taken away. Tell you would rather sit this one out, have fun, stay out of trouble, but no thank you.
     
  3. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

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    Yeah..i'd pass. And wouldnt even think twice about it.
     
  4. Elite Silkies

    Elite Silkies Overrun With Chickens

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    I think I would pass.
     
  5. PineappleMama

    PineappleMama Chillin' With My Peeps

    Oh good. DH said just what I figured... "I don't love the idea but if you really want to go..."

    Also considering that his mom took the kids Saturday so we could do an anniversary date, and didn't return them until late Tuesday... I don't feel that great about asking another favor.

    As to telling her my thoughts... *sigh* I finally broke down and tried that once. She didn't speak to me for a couple years and sent back every gift I'd ever given her (up to and including art from kindergarden) and every picture of me, DH, and our son (preggers with DD at the time) back... with herself cut out (shrink'll tell you that that shows who she's really upset with but anywho)... suffice it to say I learned. I realized who she is, and saw her limitations. It's hard, but not near so hard as when I was still trying to have Mrs Cleaver.

    Sis is the same when it comes to any negative opinions... 'cept instead of just not speaking to you she gets vocal and/or violent. So, think I'll pass on that one.

    I think I'll just tell the truth and say that Nana just returned the kids after a four day stint and she's recharging. 100% true, but doesn't insult ANY of them.

    Even if we didn't have those issues... well I'm just a little too... I don't know what. Paranoid I guess. I just don't feel safe that far away with no one I can depend on around. If something went wrong it'd be a disaster.

    Appreciate y'all letting me air the thoughts, and confirm my own mind.
     
  6. WriterofWords

    WriterofWords Has Fainting Chickens

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    As to telling her my thoughts... *sigh* I finally broke down and tried that once. She didn't speak to me for a couple years and sent back every gift I'd ever given her (up to and including art from kindergarden) and every picture of me, DH, and our son (preggers with DD at the time) back... with herself cut out (shrink'll tell you that that shows who she's really upset with but anywho)... suffice it to say I learned. I realized who she is, and saw her limitations. It's hard, but not near so hard as when I was still trying to have Mrs Cleaver.

    You're mom is a the queen of the guilt trip and plays you like a cheap violin. Don't go!​
     
  7. Mandalina

    Mandalina Chillin' With My Peeps

    Apr 1, 2009
    Savannah,MO
    I wouldn't go.
     
  8. Cetawin

    Cetawin Chicken Beader

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    Quote:Exactly!
     
  9. PineappleMama

    PineappleMama Chillin' With My Peeps

    No worries, I probably already had my mind made up... it's just nice that outsiders can hear just the tip of the ice burg and still feel it isn't a good idea. I do tend to over-analyze, a lot, so I find it's better to bounce the idea off someone else and see if I'm not just being cranky.

    Seeing as how I'm the one that would have to live with my decision I try to make the best one all around.

    She's not so great at the guilt, really she isn't. It's more that she just doesn't like the truth. She rewrites things in her head so she comes up smelling like roses. And whenever possible she points the finger at others to make sure no one is looking at her. IE with the drinking. She goes on and on about her brother's drinking (really ON AND ON) but she neglects to mention she's at it too and she's in AA and acting all superior... least Uncle admits he had a slip. To me his behavior is a lot better. Still not great, by any means, but at least he's willing to admit he isn't a saint and isn't trying to act preachy to others. That drives me nuts. Mom doesn't call and do the "If you love me..." kind of thing... never has really... she doesn't use guilt... she just conveniently forgets all the bad things she's done while harping on the bad things of others... my sister is sometimes an exception to this. IE right now Mom's forgetting she's lost her kids for substance abuse, forgetting how upset she is over that, so that she can go on a jaunt. But the last time I spoke with her all I heard was ranting about the same sister. So there ya go.

    Mostly we steer clear of her. She is NOT a good example for the kids, and she isn't good for me either. Well, SOMETIMES she is, when sober for example. But when drinking it's just sad and stressful. Given that free booze is available on this trip, it would be masochistic of me to go.

    Thanks again for the backup though, makes me feel like I'm not just being a grudge-holding cranky pants.
     
  10. PineappleMama

    PineappleMama Chillin' With My Peeps

    Sis called all hyper asking if I was going... told her no... didn't really phase her. Wow she gets all mom's attention and spoiling for a weekend... somehow I doubt she sees that as anything less than awesome. Oy those two deserve each other... anywho, check my email and mom's sent me one asking about pick up time... since I didn't get around to calling her back last night... Sis probably called and snitched, but if not I did reply... y'all reckon this sums it up? Honestly, but not mean? Just trying to be prepared for possible backlash.

    I have to admit I had kind of forgotten in the excitement of the moment that Nana just kept the kids Saturday - Tuesday... She was poda only take them Sat. so we could go out for our Anny, but then kept them for longer. If I'd known we'd want her sitting again so soon I could have stuck to Sat. only, but I just didn't know. So I kind of choked on asking her to keep them again. I feel bad dumping them on her too often, but I also don't want to HEAR about how I dump them on her too often. Especially since she's on a new BP med that's making her a little weird. Actually, Bawpaw's kinda worried about that.

    Plus, I just don't like doing things without DH... I like having him around for one, but also considering he's the one working full time AND doing school I feel bad leaving him home while I go out partying. Just doesn't feel right to me. And since it's rent week we really do not have any cash to spare.

    Sorry to let you down, but I'm going to have to sit this one out. Sis called and woke me up all excited about it though... I hope you guys kick some slot machine butt!!
     

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