Mother in Law Moving In...... Oh dear...

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by ChicknThief, May 23, 2012.

  1. ChicknThief

    ChicknThief Songster

    Jan 12, 2008
    Nor Cal
    Ok so.... Jamison has a mother named Leanne with whom he is very close. She has been going through a very rough divorce over the last 8 months, and has been staying with her best friend and her best friend's husband. Well, she just called us. Apparently her best friend is throwing her out for reasons unbeknownst to us, and she needs a place to stay until she can buy a house. So of course we said absolutely! Of course she can stay. And I mean it when I say that she is a great lady. I like her. I really really do. I just hardly know her at all. We have barely spent any time together and I have no idea how lives or what she is like to live with.

    My main concern is this: I am well aware of how living with someone can ruin your relationship with them. I have seen it tear apart countless friendships and relationships. Something about having to share a space with someone you don't know well (or even someone you know very well) just rubs a lot of people wrong. I am terrified that this will go badly. It will probably be fine for a while, but if it goes bad.... *shudder*

    Secondary Concerns: She smokes. Both cigs and pot. We are a non-smoking household. I am not as concerned about the illicit drug use as I am about it making our house smell. She's a grown woman, and if that's what she wants to do then fine, but the smell makes me sick. Also, she has a dog that is absolutely spoiled rotten. This dog has it's every whim catered to, and if she is more than a few feet ever from Leanne she just starts doing that nasty screaming noise that some dogs do. Not only that, but I have a 5 week old kitten in the house. I don't want to find out if my marriage can withstand me throwing out Jamison's mom because her dog killed my kitten. That would just be bad.

    So um, long story short... I am scared snotless of this. I know that if this is going to work I need to establish some boundaries and go over them with her. But I can't even imagine starting a conversation like that, or what to say once I start it. I'm going to have to walk a very thin line between being a doormat, and being too aggressive.

  2. mnferalkitty

    mnferalkitty Songster

    May 17, 2012
    Start making a list of ground/house rules ASAP and go over each one with her and even have her intial each one so later on so she can't say she didn't remember that rule. Be polite about it and just say its for all of your benefit to have these rules. I am not going to say anything about the pot except just remember a person can loose their home etc. over drug charges it doesn't matter whos it is and if she is going through a nasty divorce you can bet her husband is going to bring up all any dirt on her. Thats all I am going to say
  3. jamesbwood

    jamesbwood Songster

    Welcome her openly and warmly but do work with your husband on setting out a short, freindly and reasonable list of ground rules like "no smoking in the house." Be sure to have your husband involved and stick to rules you both agree on - you want to be a team on this and want his full buy-in and support now, before there are any issues. Be sure to communicate those rules as soon as possible, preferably before she moves in.

    The dog is her responsbility and likely means a lot to her. As long as she is cleaning up after it and it isn't destroying your house, you may have to meet her part way and put up with it as best as you can. I do sympathize, that is not the realationship I personally would want with a pet dog anywhere near me. You don't have to like the dog. Try to keep in mind that that dog may be her best friend.

    Finnally, a lot of how this goes down is up to her, not you. You are doing the right thing by welcoming her into your house. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. Just try your best to make it work.

  4. HeatherLynn

    HeatherLynn Songster

    May 11, 2009
    Kentucky, Cecilia
    ok, well this just comes from having family living with us a few times or us staying with family. I would hide booze is the nightstand. I am not saying the only way to get through is drunk, its not. But there will be times when you are frustrated beyond belief just by life and she will look at you funny or take the last of the orange juice and all heck will break loose. Plan on retiring to your room BEFORE you say anything, having a small drink, deep breathing for a while, maybe even listen to some music. Once you are up to people again you can come back out and not have to worry about the fight that did not happen.

    I would set out rules and among them would be no pot in the house or on your property. Its just a bad bad bad idea. They can take you guys to the cleaners and more for having that in the house.
  5. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits...

    May 19, 2008
    Western MA
    Good luck.. lol
  6. mikensara

    mikensara Chirping

    Jun 16, 2011
    New York
    my marriage is still shaky and recovering in the aftermath of hubs sister moving in for a short time. things were fine till now when hub found compassion for her and thus again although she doesnt live here she sure always needs something from him. I started a new job and work is my salvation from his family. He invited them for a bbq on monday so i will be blessed with the needy one and the three destructive kids she has when i get home or not sometimes plans change and i may take my sweet time coming home.
  7. ChicknThief

    ChicknThief Songster

    Jan 12, 2008
    Nor Cal
    Well, great news! It was a false alarm. Right around the time she was supposed to show up last night, she called to tell us she found a different friend who lives closer to her work, so she will be staying with them. I think we really dodged a bullet there.
  8. jamesbwood

    jamesbwood Songster

  9. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits...

    May 19, 2008
    Western MA
    Yeah..good news! I really wouldn't want someone bringing drugs into my house..:/
    Last edited: May 24, 2012
  10. sourland

    sourland Broody Magician

    May 3, 2009
    New Jersey
    Excellent news!

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