My 6 yr old girl, DRIVING me up the wall ADVICE NEEDED!!!!!

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by Ema, Jul 28, 2010.

  1. Ema

    Ema Songster

    Jun 4, 2010
    N. Ontario CANADA
    my daughter is 6 yrs old, she has always been great and the perfect little helper and playmate to her little borther who is only 2. about a month before school ended she had a drastic change, around other people she is fine and behaves, even her teachers say she is the best in class and listens extremely well and the best behaved. I see this aswell in her Tennis classes the way she listens to her instructors. At home she is a holy terror, no word of a lie, her dad returned to work at the beginning of june working really long hours so now they spent most of their time with me. My daughter refuses to listen to me, she talks over me, refuses to obey when I tell her/ask her to do something, if I give her a time out she will purposely keep getting up or coming out of her room just to push buttons, she now refuses to share toys and is constantly picking on her 2 yr old brother, pushing him, stealing his toys or hiding them. Its gotten to the point that she now even refuses to eat when I make dinner and will ask her dad to make her somethign else when he is home. Last night he had enoughand sent her to her room, he told her he just doesn't understand what is happening with her and frankly neither do I!!! Our family is pretty well put together we have no issues, and we are a fairly hapy outgoing family. Nothing works with my daughter, I take toys away or other possesions and it does not affect her. She has become real mouthy and even yesterday she screamed at me in front of her dad which is why she was sent to her room. Se is out of control and my 2 yr old is picking up bad habits form her now, refusing to eat and pushing when he gets upset. I don't know how to proceed in fixing this, I just know if I don't do something its going to get worse. All my freinds laugh and then tell me how I am so up creek whrn she becomes a teenager, I don't think its funny, and I need some experienced moms with girls to throw me some advice!!! I grew up with boys, and I have 2 boys who are relatively easy to please and deal with. she is acting spoiled, selfish and rude, yesterday at tennis another little girl hit the ball over the fence next to hers and she refused to get the ball, she said it wasn't her ball, so why bother picking it up!!! this is not how I have been busting my butt to raise my kids, they alwys say thank youa nd you're welcome and please, and hold doors open for the elderly at the bank....lost and out of words, her dad told her last night if she misbehaved today or refused to listen he would empty her room and leave her with a bed and a dresser!!!
  2. EweSheep

    EweSheep Flock Mistress

    Jan 12, 2007
    Land of Lincoln
    OHHHHHHH I feel for you! I am going thru the SAME thing!!!!!!!!!! Hubby works 12 days shifts six days a week. She usually MINDS me but after she gets back from her 11 year old cousin, she mouthed me and hubby and all the bad habits. UGH! No amount of talking is going to get thru her! I am hoping it is a phase they go thru and she can never sit still or stop talking! Even my sister said the way she acted is because of her parents ( US!!) is the problem! If we hadn't had much trouble with her at home, she would get into trouble at school. Now at changing schools, she did great, a perfect angel GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

    My guess is the influence from the cousin she plays with, picked up the bad habits with her mother who is my sister. My neice has a habit of back talking and my sister would correct her again and again, even neice is DX with ADD and is taking meds for it. We have went to family counseling and we used the same tactics over and over, grounding her, taking away privs, toys, eating out, etc. and she would just laugh. We do give her time outs and spankings which we rarely want to do because she said she will tell on the teachers that we spank her and teachers here would jump and call the cops or FS on us. What is going on with this world????!!!!!!!!!

    It isn't funny either!
  3. The Chicken Lady

    The Chicken Lady Moderator Staff Member 10 Years

    Apr 21, 2008
    West Michigan
    You need to be assertive. You are bigger than she is. Grab her if you have to.

    If you are going the "time out" way, put a chair somewhere in your house (you can use a kitchen chair), and sit her down on it. Use a timer. Give her a minute per year of her age for time out. If she gets up, put her back on the chair and tell her, "NO. You are in time out." and reset the timer. She can sit on the chair and scream and cry and you just ignore her. If she gets up, put her back on it and reset the timer. She'll tire herself out moaning and crying, but you'll get what you want eventually.

    If she mouths off, a nice bite of Ivory soap always did the trick with me when I was a kid. Stick it in her mouth and rub it on her teeth. It won't hurt her, but it will taste awful. She'll remember it, trust me. I got the soap several times when I was little until I learned to watch my tongue and be respectful.

    Basically, you need to "break" her of these bad habits like you would with an animal. Be assertive, confident, and tell her exactly what you want. Hold her accountable. Make sure your husband knows what the drill is and make sure he is backing you up. If she asks him for something, he needs to say, "No. Your mother already said no and you need to respect her."

    Praise her when she is doing well. You can make a behavior chart on the fridge and give her a reward if she goes a certain number of days without a meltdown. It doesn't have to be a reward of "things," in fact, it would be better if the reward was bonding time with you. Go to the park, go to the library, etc.
  4. rodriguezpoultry

    rodriguezpoultry Langshan Lover

    Jan 4, 2009
    Claremore, OK
    Or the Dawn...Dawn just STAYS in there. When you think it's comes back!

    I'll be doing the swatting routine. I learned my lessons that way and they've stuck with me until now. The time-out thing that The Chicken Lady suggested sounds like a darn good way to get her to listen and work out the strategy herself. "Hmm...if I sit here nicely in my time-out, I'll get done with it faster." Sounds like it should work.

    Sorry you're having to go through it though.
  5. MysticScorpio82

    MysticScorpio82 Songster

    May 2, 2009
    Maine, USA
    Quote:UGH NOT THE SOAP!!! [​IMG] lol yeah I was mouthy when I was a child, and you will always remeber that nasty tasting soap.

    I agree with everything the chicken lady has said. Also I recomend watching Super Nanny. You can watch it on for free if you don't have cable. She has alot of good tips!
  6. EweSheep

    EweSheep Flock Mistress

    Jan 12, 2007
    Land of Lincoln
    Quote:that is what our family counselor told us to do, minus the bar of soap method which she does not agree with. As for me, when I mouthed off or said a cuss word, I would surely get a spanking OR a bite or rub across teeth with bar of soap (yes we do have Ivory).

    My DD is a queen of moaning or whining. When we take her out to eat, when we warned her one more time you smart off, we will leave DQ. Well, she did smart off Daddy and I grabbed her, she was QUICK to duck and we corrected her right then and there. Then she did ok until she mouthed off again. Hubby wants to stay and fnish while I would literally pick up all the food from the table and take it with us and eat at home. My mother has taught us if we acted up in the store or resturaunt, she would just left all the things on the grocery cart or pay the waiter for our meals to be taken out for dinner at home. After a few times she did that, we didnt do that anymore.

    I taught my daughter the best table manners and got good reviews how quiet, how dainty and now, it is a 180 degrees, eating like a pig out of the trough (my neice does that, face almost to table, arms laid out (that u would find her elbow next to your plate) and talked with her mouth full. We were on top of that and she was being defiant.

    Oh Lordy, please give us santity at this time until she goes back to school and be a good girl when she gets off from school.
  7. Sounds like it's time to keep those threats. Empty her room. Leave her mattress and pillow on the floor. I'd take the dresser away also. Put a lock on her closet. When she's good, give something back. (Work on the positive reinforcement side, rather than the negative.)

    Our society has rules about how we are to behave. Those rules don't change because "I don't wanna!" We should be the nicest to the people that love us. Unfortunately, it's with the people that love them the most that children PUSH the most. I don't know what state (or country) you live in, but I'm here in Virginia. The law says I can spank my own child. This does NOT mean BEAT. One well-timed and well-placed smack on a bottom can go a long way towards ending a temper tantrum. I advocate a usual maximum of three swats, but my husband insists upon "one for each year of age" and double that if it involves lying.

    Dig your toes in the sand NOW. You may think you're just yelling into the wind right now, but all your hard work will pay off... as long as you keep at it. The 2 y.o. will watch the 6 y.o. and figure out "I want to be better than that." Both of you parents need to hash out The Rules at a time when the children aren't present (or at least asleep). "I'm too tired" is NOT a valid excuse to fore go enforcement of an agreed upon rule. It will get worse before it gets better, but as you go, try to catch her being good. Remark upon it. Catch the 2 y.o. being good.

    Hang in there. Don't forget to pray! [​IMG]

    Edited to say: for the record, my children are two girls and a boy. The Eldest girl tried her best to drive me insane. She's MUCH BETTER now. Just took her to her first guitar lesson.
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2010
  8. EweSheep

    EweSheep Flock Mistress

    Jan 12, 2007
    Land of Lincoln
    My DD is also six years old and SMART as a whip! [​IMG]
  9. chicmom

    chicmom Dances with Chickens

    Feb 24, 2009
    Strasburg Ohio
    Ema, so sorry you're having this drama with your little girl. I was going to suggest you clear out her room. Take EVERYTHING out, but her bed, and a set of clothing for a week. And make her earn things back--very slowly! I had to do this with my step daughter. She just got so nasty......I didn't know what to do with her. So hubby and I removed EVERYTHING from her room. And boy did she shape up quick! It's harsh, but it was the only thing that worked with her.

    She may be acting out because daddy isn't home....which you already know......

    Good luck with her--be strong, and have a real specific routine each day, and things will shape up in no time.
  10. Ema

    Ema Songster

    Jun 4, 2010
    N. Ontario CANADA
    I have done the soap thing, and then a freind of mine mentioned in front of her that CPS here has now deemed soap in the mouth to be child abuse, so now that is gone, I tried and she said I can't make her cause its illegal!!!! I did a great job in making sure she can stick up for herself but I sabotaged myself in the process!!!

    Anyhow, they have a time out couch and she is the only one who refuses to listen, I am going to have to try the chart. and maybe I will do a time out chair just for her and place it in the one room she really hates being in, the kitchen!!! tomorrow for sure, picking up some stickers to make the charts with. something is gonna have to give and it sure as heck it isn't to be me!!

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