My best friend has depression and i don't know if i can help

[Jemma Rider]

I feel really silly posting this, i don't like things about my personal life floating around on the internet raw exposed and unprotected but i don't know what else to do.
My best friend has depression and anxiety and i have anxiety (what kind of a pair are we).
I don't know if i can handle it much longer. I have this cousin, he's always bullied me i got used to it after a while, but he's very close friends with my best friend. It's made things very complicated since he still taunts me and bullies me even though he's close to turning eighteen, but my best friend had always given him the benefit of the doubt and chose to ignore it all.
I've known my best friend to have depression for a little over two years now, it's never been a horribly big deal (i mean of course it's a big deal but i feel like everything has been worse recently). I don't know if i can take it much longer. Just last week she had a, for lack of a better word, very public meltdown while ordering Italian ice which of course spiked my anxiety as well, but the burden of calming her down fell to me once again, and me being as awkward as i am i still don't know how to comfort her or even if i can.
Tonight is yet another example of me saying all the wrong things and now I'm just sitting here with my way to fast heartbeat in my ears and i can't slow it down.
I pretty much had my anxiety and my nerves in check up until a year ago when my lizard died, she was very special, i rescued her and helped her recover from her first owners neglect. She's the first thing I've felt connected to if that makes any sense, like it was just me and my baby girl, against the rest of the world.
And now I'm pretty sure my flock and my three ten week old pullets have fowl pox, I'm starting high school, and the anniversary of the day i rescued my beloved Roxy heart is approaching and i don't know what to do.
I feel like this is just one of those years where your life falls apart and there is absolutely nothing you can do about anything but hope it glues itself back together. before my lizard i had actually never lost anyone or anything, and then she died and now everything is just slowly withering away and i can't help but wonder if there's something I'm doing wrong.
But back to my friend i just don't know what to do anymore, as of tonight she's shut down her Pinterest account so she can't talk to anybody (she says she needs some time off-line, which i suppose could be good for her but i don't know), she says she'll be back in a few days. It's all my fault honestly i said something about my idiot cousin and it set her off, i tried to retract what i had said but, like everything, it just spiraled out of control.
I just want to be normal honestly, I'm so sick of feeling like I'm suffocating all of the time. It's actually why i got my chickens, they calm me down really quickly but with my current suspicions of fowl pox I'm relying solely on lavender essential oils.
I love my best friend so much, but I'm at a point where i think i need to think about myself, i can't keep doing this weird thing, where i deal with her issues (or try to anyway, feels like everything i say or do makes it worse) and then i crash and deal with my own i want to feel calm just for a minute that would be amazing. I feel like this whole thing with her is ripping me to shreds, but i can't do anything I'm trapped, if i say the wrong thing or do anything wrong I'm afraid it could throw her over the ledge.
I just wanted to talk i guess to someone who has no stake in the matter and doesn't know me so there's no bias.
I'm wondering if someone out there with a loved one struggling with depression or anxiety or something could give me a bit of advice on how I'm supposed to help, if i can at all. All i want is to help her feel better, i know that isn't always possible but still. I know it's a heavy topic and i feel horrible for asking but i don't know what else to do other then Google and i can't trust Google.
Everything is so much simpler when i can just type out clear, coherent statements or questions.
Here are some quick pictures of Roxy, since her anniversary is approaching, she would've been five earlier this year, she deserved for more people to look at her pretty smile.

 

[BGcoop]

Please call 1-(800)273-8255. They are trained to help people with problems that sound like yours or at least will give you some resources.

 

[Jus1]

I didn't get a chance to finish reading all of this as my husband has the TV on sitting next to me and it breaks my concentration, however I am confident I read enough to give my 2 cents. I don't feel like it's appropriate to give you advise as I am not a licensed professional, but I will give you knowledge on myself and decisions I have made. I have depression, ADD, anxiety, and social withdrawal. I never had too many issues until 2010 when things started going down hill with my controlling and 2 faced family members. I tried to hang on to people for way too long and honestly my sanity took a major hit. I won't go in to full details here, but my husband sent me to stay with a friend half way across the US because he was scared for me. At that point I realized how toxic my life had become by trying to keep it together for everyone else. For my own health, safety, and sanity I let go of everyone who was having an effect on my mental state. In some cases it hurt like hell, but I did what I had to do for me. I know it's not much, but hope it helps you out, we all need someone to talk to and can be amazed at where you can find a listening ear.

 

[sawilliams]

As a person that deals with anxiety and depression myself, first you really need to consider that in most cases the 2 go hand in hand. Anxiety triggers depressive thought patterns and depressing triggers anxiety. Weather you agree with this or not, you need to get help for yourself before you can help someone else.

Also I know this isn't what you want to hear but some people don't want to be helped. They want you to take thier side, support them in what they feel it's right, and cater to thier needs. But they don't want you to truly help them. They just want you to agree with them. I'm not trying to say this is your friend I don't know you or her. But you need to understand you can't help someone that doesn't want help.

What has helped me is talking to a professional, realizing thier issues are not my fault nor are they mine to fix, and understanding you can only help someone that wants help and sometimes the best way to do that is to refer them to a professional.

Don't let her burdens fall on you. And don't keep putting yourself in a stressful situation. Take care of yourself first. And please talk to a professional even if it's the school counselor.

 

[ChickNanny13]

Jus1 gave you the best advice ever ... Time to take care of yourself.
BGcoop gave you a number to call, give it a try. You sound like you're in school, is there a counselor or teacher you're comfortable with to talk?
sawilliams 2x

Since you find typing/writing an easy release of thoughts & feelings, perhaps a Journal would help when you're feeling anxious or bothered. I've always tried to please everyone, wanting everyone to get along but at my age (65+) I've learned the only person/life you have control of is yours.

Roxy sure is pretty & I know she would not want you mourning her passing but smile at the memories. Chickens are a great stress release, even cleaning their enclosure I find relaxing. You could post a picture of what you suspect to be Fowl Pox, let the members help you there.

 

[MissChick@dee]

Sweetie....you have a lot going on. I feel lost or depressed sometimes All people do it’s a human emotion. What helps me is I break it down into what I call “itty-bitty’s”. When we take time to look at each part of what’s overwhelming us it’s easier to see light at the end of the tunnel.
If you have someone bullying you or making you feel bad about yourself there’s a couple of things you should do and a couple of things you need to ask yourself.
First call a bully just what they are! Say STOP! I’m not going to let you Bully ME! Say it-Mean it and even if he’s your cousin it doesn’t make it alright. Ever!
Then tell someone you stood up to the bully.....clearly not your supposed best friend would rather have approval from the bully rather than have your back...so tell someone close to you like your mom or dad someone who will listen they might not know how you feel because you’ve never told them. Many adults have survived bullying you’d be surprised but...you have to let them know so they can help.
When someone treats you badly you need to stop hanging around them. Put effort into finding new friends. It’s hard we all want friendship but ask yourself this...
Why do I hang around with these people? Only you know that answer.
What will I give up if I stop hanging around these people? You might be surprised if you answer this truthfully.
I’m very sorry about Roxy she was beautiful...yeah I think lizards are cool. I can tell you have a great love for animals. Sounds like Roxy had a very long lizard life. Sadly the life cycle of just about all the animals in our life never seems long enough because Mother Nature only allows so much time ya know? But sometimes just sometimes they get lucky and we get to love them for as long as is possible.
The pox on your chickens is something you could focus on. Personally I’ve never had to treat my chickens for it. Take this as a opportunity to learn get experience and one day you could really help someone and you’d understand completely how they feel, right??
We all learn lessons from life some good and some not so good. Your here for a reason. The exciting thing is to figure out your purpose. You have one. God doesn’t make mistakes. And he made you. Your truly never alone. I already think your pretty amazing for reaching out to someone....I never would of met you otherwise. Your very articulate and mature and have a good heart.
Remember to tell someone you stood up to that bully ok?
You’ll be in my prayers tonight for sure....and your chickens too.

 

[The Phantom]

Sweetie....you have a lot going on. I feel lost or depressed sometimes All people do it’s a human emotion. What helps me is I break it down into what I call “itty-bitty’s”. When we take time to look at each part of what’s overwhelming us it’s easier to see light at the end of the tunnel.
If you have someone bullying you or making you feel bad about yourself there’s a couple of things you should do and a couple of things you need to ask yourself.
First call a bully just what they are! Say STOP! I’m not going to let you Bully ME! Say it-Mean it and even if he’s your cousin it doesn’t make it alright. Ever!
Then tell someone you stood up to the bully.....clearly not your supposed best friend would rather have approval from the bully rather than your back...so tell someone close to you like your mom or dad someone who will listen they might not know how you feel because you’ve never told them. Many adults have survived bullying you’d be surprised but...you have to let them know so they can help.
When someone treats you badly you need to stop hanging around them. Put effort into finding new friends. It’s hard we all want friendship but ask yourself this...
Why do I hang around with these people? Only you know that answer.
What will I give up if I stop hanging around these people? You might be surprised if you answer this truthfully.
I’m very sorry about Roxy she was beautiful...yeah I think lizards are cool. I can tell you have a great love for animals. Sounds like Roxy had a very long lizard life. Sadly the life cycle of just about all the animals in our life never seems long enough because Mother Nature only allows so much time ya know? But sometimes just sometimes they get lucky and we get to love them for as long as is possible.
The pox on your chickens is something you could focus on. Personally I’ve never had to treat my chickens for it. Take this as a opportunity to learn get experience and one day you could really help someone and you’d understand completely how they feel, right??
We all learn lessons from life some good and some not so good. Your here for a reason. The exciting thing is to figure out your purpose. You have one. God doesn’t make mistakes. And he made you. Your truly never alone. I already think your pretty amazing for reaching out to someone....I never would of met you otherwise. Your very articulate and mature and have a good heart.
Remember to tell someone you stood up to that bully ok?
You’ll be in my prayers tonight for sure....and your chickens too.

X2 Never let anyone bully you. If that were my cousin (or anyone) he would get my fist up his nose. Ask him to stop nicely, if he doesn't show him how hard you knuckles are.
Roxy is very cute. Sorry you lost her. I lost my 8 year old quail a few years ago. I had rescued her when she was about a year old. I felt the same way. I hope you figure things out. Hopefully your flock will get better. I'll be praying for you, your friend and you flock.

 

[Jemma Rider]

I wanna thank everybody who replied (all of the appropriate statements anyway), sorry i know mental health can be a hard topic and i have my mom to talk to and my other cousin (ironically my not so nice cousins sister). But it's always nice to talk to other people and get different experiences. I am starting high school today actually, I'm home schooled so on warm days i sit outside with my chickens and do whatever, but high school is a huge step up.
More so it's just nice to know that my best friends situation has been and is many other people's situation and that it's survivable, i think I'm making it sound worse then it is though i do that sometimes. I'm just always scared something is going to break her, and it'll send her over the edge.
Again, thank you all, I'll keep everything that has been said in my mind i genuinely appreciate it.

 

[The Phantom]

I wanna thank everybody who replied (all of the appropriate statements anyway), sorry i know mental health can be a hard topic and i have my mom to talk to and my other cousin (ironically my not so nice cousins sister). But it's always nice to talk to other people and get different experiences. I am starting high school today actually, I'm home schooled so on warm days i sit outside with my chickens and do whatever, but high school is a huge step up.
More so it's just nice to know that my best friends situation has been and is many other people's situation and that it's survivable, i think I'm making it sound worse then it is though i do that sometimes. I'm just always scared something is going to break her, and it'll send her over the edge.
Again, thank you all, I'll keep everything that has been said in my mind i genuinely appreciate it.

I'm home schooled too!

 

[sourland]

Great advice has been given by many before me. Anxiety/depression runs in my wife's family. She, our daughter, and our grand daughter deal with it on a daily basis. I, too, recommend seeing a professional who deals with this syndrome. It can be controlled, and the method will vary depending upon the individual. I wish you luck in this struggle. You have to make yourself well before you can worry about your friend.