My Family is so FICKLE!!! Argh!! **Vent /Rant**

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by MysticScorpio82, Nov 6, 2010.

  1. MysticScorpio82

    MysticScorpio82 Chillin' With My Peeps

    May 2, 2009
    Maine, USA
    Sorry for the long vent in advance, I just need to get this out of my system. [​IMG]

    So about 4 years ago my aunt pretty much "stole" my brother's daughter. My SIL was having a hard time with depression after my niece was born 3 months early. The whole time my aunt was right there with her. She was practically a second mother to her. My SIL was living with her mother (she is seprated from my brother - he is lazy, wouldn't help out, so I don't blame SIL a bit [​IMG] ) and her mother was having trouble of her own. There came a point when SIL's mother had to go to a hosptial, and SIL no longer had a place to live with my niece (newly released from the hospital), so she calls my aunt. Aunt tells her she would only have room for the baby, not enough for SIL too. So SIL (trusting my aunt) decides it would be best for my niece to have a warm house to live in, until she can get back on her feet. -- I found out after the fact that my aunt had told my SIL she really can't trust me or anyone else in the family. This is my fault because I didn't make a point to become friends with her. We liked each other, we just weren't buddy buddy. -- So fast foward a few weeks, my cousin starts telling me that her family (my aunt) is going to keep and adopt my niece. This was news to me! I told my brother, and he spoke with my SIL. When SIL confronted my Aunt, aunt told her that child services called and said (I don't even know what exactly) basically my Aunt had to have a temporary Guardianship of my Niece or else they were going to take her and put her in foster care. My SIL freaked out, and of course had no reason not to trust my aunt. She signed the papers without even reading them, thinking it was just a temp guardianship for 12 months. It was not. It was guardianship until my niece was 18, and my SIL unknowingly signed her over. (yes it is stupid, you should ALWAY read before you sign. She was naive and trusting.)

    Fast forward a year- it's supposedly time for the guardianship to be over. SIL talks with my Aunt, tells her now that she has a good job and a nice 2 bedroom apt, she going to take my Niece as soon as guardianship is up, so how would you like to transition her? My aunt then shows her true colors. She told SIL, you are never getting her (my niece) back and you will have to fight me in court and let a judge decide. This is when she found out that the guardianship was never temp. So after about 9 months they FINALLY got their case before a judge. It was revealed the child services NEVER called my aunt, as well as a bunch of other lies. The judge ruled that my niece is to go back with her mother (my SIL) and that they had 6 months to transition her over. My aunt is ticked, esspecially when Myself and other family members were supporting my SIL NOT my aunt. Anyway 6 months come and go, and then another 6 months. My SIL's lawyer and my Aunt's lawyer keep going back and forth, my aunt is dragging her feet, and after a year my niece is only with my SIL 4 days per week.

    Fast forward again to one month ago. The case gets back before the judge AGAIN. The judge is livid that my aunt went against his ruling, and ordered a court appointed advocate to over see the transition and said 2 months tops. No more feet dragging. In the mean time some members of my family switch, they say "well is SIL really wanted her daughter back, she would be fighting harder than that, blah blah blah" and my aunt is suddenly becoming buddy buddy with them again.

    Now, today, my brother and my mother are mad at me (I am 27 with a family of my own, not a kid) because I refuse to go to the birthday party for my niece that MY AUNT IS HOSTING! I told them, I will fogive her for what she did, but I will never forget or trust her again. I mean my niece is supposed to be back with my SIL by next month full time, and my SIL is hosting a different borthday party for my niece on a day that she has her. Would it not be a slap to my SIL's face to go to the party my aunt is hosting, and not the one that she is hosting? It just really annoys me to no end how manipulative, & underhanded my aunt is, but my brother and mother can't seem to see that.

    Hello! She STOLE your daughter! *slaps brother* [​IMG] She STOLE your grand baby! [​IMG] Come on now, and it ME they are mad at for not going to the party my aunt is hosting. Did they forgot ALL the other birthday parties that my aunt had for my niece NONE of us were invited to, and yet now suddenly we are; just when she is on the brink of losing my niece to her rightful mother. Something doesn't add up to me.

    Anyway sorry this was so long but I had to vent. I couldn't vent on facebook to my family, so I figured I could let it out of my system here, to my chook family. Thanks for listening [​IMG]
     
  2. Cindiloohoo

    Cindiloohoo Quiet as a Church Mouse

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    Sorry you are related to some of those folks. With family..it's ALWAYS something! Just do what you feel is right and forget about the rest [​IMG]
     
  3. PineappleMama

    PineappleMama Chillin' With My Peeps

    Okay... I think I missed a step... if CPS was involved it would have been because the AUNT wasn't providing adequate care, since she had 'custody'... wouldn't it? Why would they have done forms to allow her to keep her... sheesh no wonder the judge is in a snit.

    Why didn't the judge charge her with contempt for directly disobeying the orders? Maybe that would get her moving.

    [​IMG] That's just insane. There are so many kids that NEED those services... life or death, NEED to be rescued and instead this judge, an advocate, and who knows who else are tied up with a child who is loved and provided for by the mother?!?! What kind of sick person IS this aunt?

    I don't blame you at all for your rant... there's something seriously wrong with that woman... I'd avoid her like the plague. No telling what (CRIMINAL!) scheme she might try next.
     
  4. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

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    May 19, 2008
    Western MA
    Tough call..
    Hurtful situation for everyone involved. Noone wins here.
    Personally... i think....Well.. i wont go there.. no point.
    Again.. tough, hurtfull situation for all involved.

    Okay..i changed my mind..i'll give my opinion..

    I also dont think that we're hearing the whole story...sorry. ( ETA: just wanted to add.. i DONT think that your lying! Just maybe..you may not know everything that happend either??..)
    Maybe SIL isnt really the most responsible person?
    I mean..A LOT of women have children and have financial problems.. they dont just give them to others to raise. And take the easy way out..
    They get on assistence and get emergency housing... whatever it takes... but they dont give up their children.
    My mother worked 3 jobs(yes, ..3 jobs.. a regular day time job, a part-time night job and a weekend job..) to raise my brother and i.... i never lived with anyone else... my mother raised me.. because i was HER child.
    So... i feel in my gut that there is more to the situation. sorry.
    I hope your family can heal after all is said and done.
     
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2010
  5. PineappleMama

    PineappleMama Chillin' With My Peeps

    On "emergency" housing... in our city, last I heard, there was a two year wait list for an appointment and they were no longer even taking names for that list because of budget cuts and too many people staying on it for more than temporary... just eats up what little funds they get.

    But that's our town, and a few years back when Sis tried to get that and boy was she MAD that she wasn't getting that on top of all the other benefits she was already getting on top of her child support so she didn't have to work... but that's a whole 'nother rant.

    I am curious though... anyone else in all the thousands of BYCers actually have a Mom, Uncle AND Sister who've been "Certified"... or is my family really just THAT off kilter??
     
  6. MysticScorpio82

    MysticScorpio82 Chillin' With My Peeps

    May 2, 2009
    Maine, USA
    I swear, sometimes, the stork dropped me off at the wrong house! [​IMG] lol

    Redhen - Yes I agree, I think it was an easy way out. I really dont know what was going through SIL's head when she allowed my aunt to "watch" her in the first place!

    Pineapplemama - That's just it, Child services were never involved. The whole thing was fabricated by my aunt to scare SIL into signing my niece over [​IMG] As for why the judge didn't charge her with contempt, I have no clue. I thought that was a bit ridiculous as well!

    I do feel better about choosing NOT to go to the birthday party, even if my mother and brother think I am being selfish [​IMG] I have been trying to avoid that woman (my aunt) since this whole thing started, especially since I have 2 little ones as well, I don't want them to be next on her radar!
     
  7. PineappleMama

    PineappleMama Chillin' With My Peeps

    As to the CPS threat, that would definitely count as "under duress" to me... and contracts signed while UD are voided all the time. Just stupid of aunt to do that when all it takes is the judge calling CPS to find out it was a sham. Stupid and crazy is scary... though personally I find the Smart and Crazy ones scarier.

    But anywho I agree with you completely. If she loses this one who's to say she might not decide to focus on one of yours for a "visit"?? Maybe mention that to your mom... that based on your aunt's behavior, has a history of stealing children, you just don't feel comfortable taking yours near her. What's she gonna do? Tell you NOT to protect her grandbabies?? *shrug* Might work.

    Eventually thing'll settle down... I'd still avoid that nut like the plague, paranoid that I am, but that doesn't mean you won't eventually have a drama free relationship with Mom, Bro, SIL, etc. [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2010
  8. herfrds

    herfrds Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Avoid "poisonious" relatives like the plague.
    That is why I mainly avoid most of my family.

    Stick to your guns and not go.
    I read this last night on a different computor and could not respond.
    I agree with you on this issue.
    Just a thought from me. Get a will done so "auntie" cannot grab your kids in case something happens to you and your spouse or significant other.
     
  9. Sonoran Silkies

    Sonoran Silkies Flock Mistress

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    Jan 4, 2009
    Tempe, Arizona
    Redhen makes some excellent points about knowing the whole story.

    I assume from what I read that SIL & brother are not divorced, just do not live together, and that SIL has not been granted sole custody between the two of them. If that is the case, then SIL cannot sign the child away without the father's consent. I know in my state, if a parent signs paperwork to give the child up for adoption, the state notifies the other parent to ask if they want custody. One can only sign away ones own parental rights.


    However, for the sake of the child, you should go to the party. Take a small present that is not something that lasts: scented shampoo & bubble bath, play makeup or nail polish, etc. Wrap in pretty, all-ocasion paper, not birthday paper. Focus your time at the party on your niece, not your aunt. Try to create a better bond with her, becuase it sounds like she will need all the love and caring she can get: she is being taken from the home in which she has spent nearly all of her life, and hte caregiver that has been a constant, I do not know whether the aunt provides good or bad care, and that is really not the point. This will be a painful loss to your niece, even if it will place her in a better situation.

    When the next party occurs, you can get her a larger or more "birthday" type present.
     
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2010

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