I posted him on here under the men of byc thread and well tonight is the first night Im home alone since the horrid call. Im heartbroken to say the least, he was my best friend in the world he took me for my good (very little), my bad (lots) and my very bad (tons). He loved me for me, even though he was not my "real" brother we grew up together and if I ever had a soul mate of a friend, it was him. We spoke every day, I spoke to him the night before, so did my husband and son. It was a great conversation of how he was getting out of the Army and moving back to AK, he was so excited. He was 27 and 8 months to the day, and with this long weekend the ppl at Ft Carson have not done the autopsy, even though we know he drowned. I just cant grasp this; the man did 5 tours being EOD one of the most dangerous jobs in the world without a single scratch. We all "knew" one day we would get the call that he was turned into a "pink mist" as he put it, and yes we would be upset but we were okay with it because it was something he loved and had a huge passion for. It was supposed to be quick and painless; he wasnt supposed to die scared, drowning. I told my son and he said "no momma he isnt dead you will see he will call any min." Today during our Memorial Day Observance as they read his name first on our list and Taps played tears freely flowed down my face, my son got off his chair came and hugged me saying " momma uncle mike still loves you" with words so true and heartfelt I couldnt help but grin. This isnt my first rodeo I have dealt with the loss of 4 major people and many "minor" in my life at this point, my father, Mikes dad, my 4-H leader and now Mike. I know it always hurts, you just get used to the pain, there is no reason, and no its not okay. With all my others losses I had Mike, and we shared all of our special places we would go to be alone and deal with our problems together. I have nowhere to go, he is everywhere and I wouldnt have it any other way, but Im hurting and truly alone for the first time ever. Even in the sandbox he just knew I needed him and would call moments after I had though wow I wish Mike was here it was truly scary how well he knew me and knew when I needed him the most. I know that the four parts of my heart are all sitting somewhere drinking a glass of scotch amazed at how they all had the ability to turn me from this hard tomboy to a crying girl in just a matter of seconds. I pity anything that ever tries to hurt my son with a Navy Seal sniper, two Army rangers and one Sniper qualified Master EOD Tech watching over him. I needed somewhere I could come and cry and vent and not be judged. If you read my novel it shows how truly great the people of BYC are.