My hen is white.

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by Eggs4Sale, Nov 5, 2009.

  1. Eggs4Sale

    Eggs4Sale Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jun 29, 2009
    Dearest friend, now that you have taken the initiative to stop smoking, let me commend you and tell you how sincerely I wish for this to be easy for you. With that in mind, I am asking you to sign a commitment, a promise, a ‘stop smoking’ contract….. Get your pen, kiddo, cuz you need to sign at the bottom.

    I do hereby promise to stop smoking. This isn’t a trick promise. I understand that stopping for three days and then resuming smoking does not qualify as stopping. I understand that smoking cigars, herbal cigarettes, and different brands of cigarettes all count as smoking. Chewing tobacco is simply repulsive and I like people more than that. I will not lie. I will not cheat. I will not smoke. But in case I do, I do hereby promise to do the following:

    1. I will dress up like Cher and spend an hour in a gay bar.

    2. I will dress up like a rabbi and visit the soldiers in Iraq.

    3. I will wear underwear that are 4 sizes too small for two weeks.

    4. I will not shave for 4 weeks, then I will fall down on a running Epilady.

    5. I will give free massages at the homeless shelter every evening.

    6. I will drive through Harlem in a Honda Accord with 1/10th of a gallon of gas left in the tank.

    7. I will say “I love oatmeal” to EVERYBODY that talks to me, looks at me, walks by me…. Then I’ll say “I knew it.” and walk away.

    8. I’ll give my mother a red satin bra for Christmas with a card that says “Thinking of you.”

    9. I’ll give my father a red satin bra for Christmas with a card that says “Thinking of you.”

    10. I will join a convent, or join Menudo, whichever is more feasible.

    11. I will bathe liberally in Britney Spears’ perfume every day.

    12. I will submit a resume to my current employer citing my vast knowledge of HeeHaw re-runs, Enquirer magazine research, and hundreds of hours of time in the Buffy The Vampire Slayer chat room. I will then demand a raise.

    Because I am such a nice and honest person, I promise to abide by this contract.
    Signed _______________________________Date____________
    Notary’s signature_______________________Date____________
    Pope’s signature________________________Date____________
    Christopher Walken’s signature____________________________
     
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2009
  2. Hoosiermomma

    Hoosiermomma Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jun 6, 2009
    S.E Ind
    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG][​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  3. Eggs4Sale

    Eggs4Sale Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jun 29, 2009
    Okay, is that better?
     
  4. Hoosiermomma

    Hoosiermomma Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jun 6, 2009
    S.E Ind
    That's so funny. You might actually get quite a few posts b/c of the title. LOL:lol:
     
  5. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

    35,112
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    May 19, 2008
    Western MA
    [​IMG]
     
  6. Eggs4Sale

    Eggs4Sale Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jun 29, 2009
    That many people get excited about a red hen? Should I make it white?

    I guess a lot of people will be disturbed by this confusing thread. But what else could i put as the title? "Don't read this"?
     
  7. Eggs4Sale

    Eggs4Sale Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jun 29, 2009
    Quote:OH NO!!!!! I didn't think of Redhen!!!!!! Oh no......

    That's it. I'm changing it to white.
     
  8. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

    35,112
    121
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    May 19, 2008
    Western MA
    Quote:Id open anything by you..your such a goof. I cant wait to see what youre up to next... [​IMG]
     
  9. ArizonaNessa

    ArizonaNessa Joyfully Addicted

    1,798
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    Apr 7, 2009
    Texas
    Well I was seriously considering signing this contract and sticking to it but number 4 was a deal breaker for me. [​IMG]
     
  10. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

    35,112
    121
    458
    May 19, 2008
    Western MA
    Quote:OH NO!!!!! I didn't think of Redhen!!!!!! Oh no......

    That's it. I'm changing it to white.

    good idea...[​IMG]
     

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