My Warranty Expired Today

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by OldGuy43, Jan 27, 2013.

  1. OldGuy43

    OldGuy43 Chillin' With My Peeps

    "The days of our years are threescore years and ten; and if by reason of strength they be fourscore years, yet is their strength labour and sorrow; for it is soon cut off, and we fly away."
    ~Psalm 90:10~

    Yep! The big 70. About a month ago I got to thinking about my legacy, so I started a list of the things I've learned in the process of living this long. I did throw in a few zingers since you should never take yourself to seriously. I'll leave it to the reader to decide which is which.

    I decided early on not to proofread or censor this list since I believed it when I wrote it, (Although I did avoid one subject since this is a family forum.) so why rethink it. If you would like me to explain the circumstances that brought about a particular pearl please PM me. I'll be happy to explain. Do not attempt to suck me into an online argument. Most of these things I've learned from hard experience. I will ignore you. If you disagree with me, amen.

    • Some parts of your life should be extremely well organized so that the rest may be disorganized and unplanned. It's more fun that way!
    • Never shoot pool or play cards for money with a man whose name contains the name of a geographic location.
    • Take responsibility for your actions. If you go walking in the forest and a snake comes out of a hole and bites you, that's just bad luck, but if you go walking in the same forest and the same snake comes out of the same hole and bites you a second time that's just darn foolishness on your part. You can't blame it on the snake.
    • My favorite bible quote: "Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." ~Matthew 6:34~
    • Question any statement that begins with the words, "Well, you just HAVE to..." A suitable response to that is, "Why?"
    • By the same token, any sentence that begins with, "THEY say..." begs the question, "They who?"
    • Always wear a hat with a bill. There's a lot of big, bright, beautiful world out there. Can't be letting to much of it in at any one time.
    • On life insurance; Think about it. You're betting against the insurance company that you'll die before your time.
    • Don't bother to explain. Your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe you,
    • Poor planning on your part does not necessarily constitute an emergency on my part.
    • When someone asks to borrow something use this criteria when deciding; Ask yourself, "Is this something that I really need, or can I live without it?" If the answer is, "Yes, I need it!" than decline and don't feel bad about it. If, "No, I don't really need it!" than give it to them. Yes, that's what I do. In my mind I give it away. If it comes back all the better. If not than there are no hard feelings.
    • Take joy in the simple things, a beautiful sunset, children laughing and playing, a lazy summer day, the fury of a storm, a dark night sky filled with stars, a good book.
    • Read! Read a lot. Pay particular attention to history. All mistakes have already been made. No sense in repeating them.
    • Refuse to be bullied. Without warning and in a very public place hit the bully as hard as you possibly can with your fist. There's about a 98% probability that he'll never bother you again.
    • You can't hit a woman. Yes, I can. I will not hit a lady, but a woman who takes a swing at me has given up that protection. I won't hit her a hard as I can, but she will learn not to make that mistake again.
    • Eat dessert first. Life's to short.
    • Make no long term plans. You'll just have to revise them.
    • Never let the things you should do interfere with the things you want to do. The dishes will still be there when you get home.
    • Some people treat their body as a temple. Personally, I prefer to think of mine as Disneyland.
    • Never permit your employer to say, "I'm GIVING you your paycheck." I always respond with, "No! You are paying me what you owe me. Even after I cash this you will still owe me since you are paying me a week late. If you insist on giving me my money than why don't you just mail it to me and I'll stay home."
    • While I'm on the subject of employer-employee relationships; Remember, no one gives you a job. They needed a warm body. You needed the income. It's a fair trade for both parties.
    • Talk with strangers, no matter what their station in life. I have learned from wino's on South State Steet in Chicago, old men in Chinatown, L.A., hookers in Tijuana, Mexico, beggars on the streets of Hong Kong and farmers in the rice paddies of Vietnam. People are not always what the seem, and all have a tale to tell.
    • Driving fast is for the young. It requires a firm belief in your immortality and a certain lack of experience.
    • In the long run, nature always wins.
    • It is not necessary to learn the language when visiting a foreign land. A a smile and four phrases will sufice for most situations; They are: "Please." "Thank you." "I have very little money." and "Where are the restrooms?"
    • Clothes on your back, a roof over your head, food to eat and water to drink are the only true necessities. All the rest is gravy.
    • If there's a job you really and truly want worse than anything, when they ask if you feel you're qualified tell them you are. By the time they find out you aren't, you will be.
    • Poor teachers insist on teaching facts. Good teachers teach you how to think for yourself.
    • Know your limitations. Learn to accept them. This is not an excuse for not trying or learning .
    • There are few problems that cannot be resolved with the judicious use of excessive force!
    • One of my favorite quotes: "BRITANNUS (shocked). Caesar: this is not proper. THEODOTUS (outraged). How! CAESAR (recovering his self-possession). Pardon him Theodotus;
    • he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature." ~Caesar and Cleopatra by George Bernard Shaw~
    • One of the cruelest hoaxes ever perpetrated is the idea of equality of the sexes. Everyone lost.
    • Take with a grain of salt what "everyone knows." Remember, 500 years ago everyone knew the earth was at the center of the universe, and 300 years ago everyone knew the earth was flat.
    • There are two ways to avoid theft. The first is to expend large amounts of money, time, effort and worry attempting to protect your possessions. The second is to have nothing worth stealing. I keep nothing in my truck that I'm not willing to lose and never bother to lock the doors. That way potential thieves don't damage anything getting in.
    • Politicians prefer a disarmed populous.
    • There is a definite difference between what the law says you may do and what you can do. Think about it.
    • Control is an illusion. The same holds true for safety.
    • Remember the rule of the payor and the payee.
    • Some folks can be helped. Others are just looking for a free ride. The trick is in learning to sort them out.
    • Having been truly poor myself, I find it hard to believe the man who tells me how poor he is with a can of beer in his hand.
    • Be judicious with your use of the word "friend".
    • Do miracles still happen? Of course. We just have different names for them today. The medical term "spontaneous remission" comes immediately to mind.
    • Entering a plow horse in a thoroughbred horse race is much like hiring the cheapest workman. You shouldn't expect a good result in either case.
    • When someone asks that I reduce the price of my work I always respond, "I am a prostitute. I have only two things for sale, time and talent. If I give them away what are the worth?"
    • All of mankind's true advances are created by lazy people. As an example; The wheel was invented by the fellow that said, "Whoa! Stop! There's got to be a better way to move this rock than just pushing it along."
    • A true test of friendship: The next time someone asks you to go out for a night-on-the-town tell him, "My car isn't running and I'm broke. You'll have to pick me up and bring me home and pay for everything."
    • Outlawing things "for their own good" that people want to do is not only a waste of time, but counterproductive and oftentimes creates more problems than it is intended to solve.
    • The law says that I must keep records for the IRS. However, the law doesn't say that I have to know how to read and write.
    • And the answer is, forty-two.
    • Today "New and improved" usually means, "We've found a way to make it cheaper and charge you more."
    • Write it down. Paper remembers so that you can forget.
    • Never issue an ultimatum unless you are willing to live with either choice.
    • "In this world, you must be oh so smart, or oh so pleasant. Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me." from Harvey by Mary Chase
    • Discipline your children physically only very occasionally and only as a last resort, and NEVER, NEVER when you are angry,
    • Tell people only which they need to know.
    • Never threaten. Just state facts.
    • Judge people by how they treat you personally, not what others say.
    • K.I.S.S.
    • Of course you should talk to yourself. If you aren't on speaking terms with yourself...?
    • Take pride in everything you do, weather it's digging a ditch or writing a sonata.
    • Never trust anything more complicated than a knife and fork.
    • Practice turning the crank as far as it will go.
    • Learn how to speak using "The Voice of Command", but use it judiciously.
    • You don't always need to be a leader. The world needs followers, too.
    • Ask for proof. Now that I think about it, insist on it.
    • If you have a complaint, make it known to someone who can do something about it. If you do this you should also compliment when it is warranted.
    • If you want good service, be generous with your tips. 15% is not near enough if you received good service.
    • Don't hold the waitstaff responsible for kitchen mistakes.
    • Learn to read body language.
    • Take seriously that what puts a roof over your head and food on your table.
    • If you find yourself in a life-threatening situation and escaping is not an option, go for the eyes.
    • Money may not be able to make you happy, but it sure can solve lots of problems.
    • Honesty deserves a reward.
    • "With age comes wisdom." is not necessarily a truism. All it take is time. However "The race is not always to the swift" is also a proven fact, but it's still the way to bet.
    • Parts left out cost nothing and cause no maintenance problems.
    • Iron oxide, better known as rust weighs more than iron, but when it falls off it weighs nothing. ~An old auto racers axiom~
    • Be unpredictable. It keeps folks from being tempted to try and push you around.
    • If you can't decide who to vote for; vote for the fellow who isn't holding the office now.
    • If you're young and single move to Memphis, Tennessee and take any job with FedX.
    • When was the last time you bought something good that was cheap?
    • Avoid fanaticism in all things.
    • Always proofread your work.

    OldGuy43 January 27, 2013 Travis County Texas
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2013
    2 people like this.
  2. goobhen

    goobhen Chicks Rule

    Dec 6, 2008
  3. Spookwriter

    Spookwriter Overrun With Chickens

    Feb 23, 2010
    You should of gotten the extended warrenty...
  4. sourland

    sourland Broody Magician Premium Member

    May 3, 2009
    New Jersey
    A list well said. Just one question.

    Exactly what did you learn from the hookers in Tijuana? [​IMG]

    PS: Happy Birthday [​IMG]
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2013
  5. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

    May 19, 2008
    Western MA
    Happy Birthday! :)
    Great list..VERY wise words to live by..(well except one..:p)
  6. sumi

    sumi Égalité Staff Member

    Jun 28, 2011
    Rep of Ireland
    Happy birthday! Great list of things to live by. Well, not all of them... [​IMG]
  7. OldGuy43

    OldGuy43 Chillin' With My Peeps

    That was probably one of the zingers. Bazinga! [​IMG]
  8. hemet dennis

    hemet dennis Chillin' With My Peeps

    I wonder how many of the young even know what K.I.S.S. is ?
    1 person likes this.
  9. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

    May 19, 2008
    Western MA
    *smacks oldguy*

    Hey it IS your birthday after all!! :p
  10. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

    May 19, 2008
    Western MA mean he doesn't want to Kiss us? :hit

BackYard Chickens is proudly sponsored by