Need in-law help before I go NUTS!

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by mamabird, Dec 28, 2008.

  1. mamabird

    mamabird Chillin' With My Peeps

    283
    1
    149
    Apr 14, 2007
    App. Mtn's
    Okay - my DH and I moved into a family home beside his mom's 30 ac. farm. We have an acre, and have a few sheep that we run on her property. She doesn't use the farm at all, but refuses to allow us to have any other animals. We keep up the entire farm, and mostly, it's a good arrangement. We want to start raising more sheep but need to use the pasture that is just sitting there. She doesn't use it for ANYTHING, and we are even willing to pay a lease fee or buy it. She is clear about her feelings about the sheep (don't like them, keep what you got, but no more). Did I mention that we built a $10K barn on the property with her permission, so we could raise sheep? Moving or leaving is NOT an option, so how do we find a compromise? (Did I also mention that there is a favorite sister that will inherit 1/2 of the farm someday, yet does nothing to help?) Personally, my biggest problem is that I feel like I have no control over my life or my decisions, and that I am living under a microscope, and am under constant scrutiny. It's his family home (even though we own it), beside his mom's farm... We are fortunate to have what we have, but I am so unhappy about the situation - I don't know what to do, and I don't know how to quit worrying about it. Anyone else in this situation or have any advice - besides "let it go"?
     
  2. debilorrah

    debilorrah The Great Guru of Yap Premium Member

    My first response is don't let it run your life like that. Yes it is not a good situation, but is there anything you can do about it? Probably not. Remember that everything happens for a reason and we may never know what that reason is, but you cannot let the change of events run your life. By run your life, I mean consume your thoughts and you stressing about it every day. As you can see from many post, there are alot of us that have MIL issues.......
     
  3. The Chicken Lady

    The Chicken Lady Moderator Staff Member

    16,153
    62
    361
    Apr 21, 2008
    West Michigan
    I am interested to hear what your husband's take on the situation is. If he isn't willing to confront his mother over the plan to get sheep, there really isn't any way you're likely to get through to her.

    I know you don't want to hear this, but it strikes me as extremely odd that you would be annoyed that you can't do something on a property that doesn't belong to you. Even though the property owner is a family member, it doesn't mean anything is owed to you or that you should be allowed special privileges. Unless you go into a written agreement with someone, making improvements on the property doesn't automatically mean that you deserve something special in return.
     
  4. Mahonri

    Mahonri Urban Desert Chicken Enthusiast Premium Member

    30,361
    150
    446
    May 14, 2008
    North Phoenix
    My Coop
    I have an ANGEL mother in law. In fact I made the HUGE ERROR once of asking my wife why should couldn't be more like her mother. Even DW admits that she is a total saint!

    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    Some farmers just hate sheep. Out on the range than can't be with cattle because they chew too close to the ground, sometimes killing the existing vegetation.

    Unfortunately, it sounds like you are going to have to live with it.
     
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2008
  5. Wildsky

    Wildsky Wild Egg!

    11,973
    12
    313
    Oct 13, 2007
    California
    Quote:I think your DH should offer to take care of the pasture and fences and things like that, and in trade you get to USE the property.

    Some folks get some weird idea's - I don't see WHY you couldn't use it, if she's not - and its not like sheep are LOUD or anything.

    It might just be time to sit down together and talk about it over a good meal.
     
  6. mamabird

    mamabird Chillin' With My Peeps

    283
    1
    149
    Apr 14, 2007
    App. Mtn's
    Chicken Lady - I agree with you about "...Even though the property owner is a family member, it doesn't mean anything is owed to you or that you should be allowed special privileges". I also agree that "...making improvements on the property doesn't automatically mean that you deserve something special in return." However, do we have to be the one's that are expected to be the "go to guys" when something needs fixed, or when upkeep needs done, or even a lightbulb needs changed - just because we are nextdoor? It kinda stinks that we went to the expense of the barn for nothing. I know that something should have been in writing, and I know that if it isn't ours, there is nothing that can be done. DH hasn't confronted MIL because he feels it is a losing battle. Being in such close proximity, he simply doesn't want to make more waves than he has to. I just needed to vent - the whole situation is simply frustrating!!!
     
  7. mamabird

    mamabird Chillin' With My Peeps

    283
    1
    149
    Apr 14, 2007
    App. Mtn's
    Wildsky -

    We ARE already taking care of the property- for the past 10+years! We have put up new fencing on over 1/2 of the perimeter, brush hog the property twice every summer, cut and clear trees that fall, fix drainage problems, etc. Plus - improved the property by adding a barn. That is what makes it so frustrating! I guess what really gets me, is that the property is just sitting there, and she doesn't have any desire to personally do anything with it. Don't get me wrong...my MIL is a great person and overall, we do get along really well...we just don't seem to see eye to eye on the farming issues.
     
  8. Wildsky

    Wildsky Wild Egg!

    11,973
    12
    313
    Oct 13, 2007
    California
    Quote:Yes I know, thats why you go talk about it and make it a trade!

    You'll CONTINUE to take care of the property if you can actually USE it - otherwise something else will have to happen.
    Mention perhaps that you're looking at other property to keep sheep or something, just drop a subtle little hint that you'll have to do that, and then your time and dh's time will b spent THERE and not on maintaining property you cant USE>
     
  9. mamabird

    mamabird Chillin' With My Peeps

    283
    1
    149
    Apr 14, 2007
    App. Mtn's
    Wildsky - Even if it doesn't change things, it would be worth a try....thanks.
     
  10. seminolewind

    seminolewind Flock Mistress Premium Member

    17,687
    505
    461
    Sep 6, 2007
    spring hill, florida
    Quote:Yes I know, thats why you go talk about it and make it a trade!

    You'll CONTINUE to take care of the property if you can actually USE it - otherwise something else will have to happen.
    Mention perhaps that you're looking at other property to keep sheep or something, just drop a subtle little hint that you'll have to do that, and then your time and dh's time will b spent THERE and not on maintaining property you cant USE>

    Wildsky is a near expert when it comes to Mother-in-laws. Practice makes perfect [​IMG]
     

BackYard Chickens is proudly sponsored by