Need to let my feelings out-Long!- Just found out I am pregnant

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by Jimagination, Jun 9, 2008.

  1. Jimagination

    Jimagination Songster

    Mar 17, 2007
    Lancaster, PA
    In 2005, on my birthday, my whole family ( my husband and three young boys) went to see if we could possibly see any remote chance that we could tell if the baby I was 14 weeks pregnant with was a boy or girl. First they tried to check the heart beat and could hear none. My worst fears were coming true. We went in to do an ultrasound and saw that the baby had been dead for a week or more. Which had explained all of the back pain I was having. I was devastated. They took us immediately into the office and told us we needed to schedule a D, C and E. I believe that stands for a DiIlate,Curretage and Evacuation. So we went in two days later to have it done. It was the hardest thing I had ever had to go through.I still have the bracelets I wore, the ultrasound pictures and dried flowers from friends in a little box. And still feel like I can't buy a mothers ring because it should have a ruby on it to represent that child, but would be too strange for others who ask me about it. I also had so many problems afterwards. I bled for months. Then when it stopped, menstruation stopped altogether for over a year. I changed doctors, especially since my sister in law was shocked they did not do an autopsy on the fetus. Their reasons were, "well, you had other healthy children, so we know you can have them..." My new doctor found all kinds of bacterias that were causing my problems and explained that I have a pouch holding the lining each month in my uterus due to c- section scarring in my uterus. She explained that I would either have to have a D and C each year to prevent all the bacterias or should have a hyserectomy. Since my family has so many female cancers, she recommended the hysterectomy. For the first year we went with a D and C and planned to have the hysterectomy the next year. I never did make that appointment due to fear, but my husband and I never tried to prevent getting pregnant after the miscarriage( 3 years) and assumed I was infertile(or defective, as I have been calling it) Last Sunday I started noticing tenderness and nauseousness. So like every month for the past three years I took a pg test. Ok, yes, I should own stock in the EPT section of Pfizer. Usually it says not pregnant and then the next day I get my period. It has become a habit and honestly I think psycologically my period won't come on until I take one. This time, the digital test spelled out "pregnant" I was shocked. My husband was shocked. The worry of upsetting my sister in law who has been planning to start trying for a baby after our recent trip to Florida was the first thing I thought of. I didn't want her to think we were trying to take her 'attention'. Plus, my diet has consisted of 3 diet cokes a day and a sandwich at night. Obviously that wasn't going to work. The next day I called the doctors and told them my news and they had me go to the lab and have blood tests done so that they could have the results in two days before my first appointment. At the appointment we discussed my medical issues, the fact that I have been cramping and spotted that morning and she sent me for new bloodtests to make sure my Progesterone and Beta (HGC) were rising like they should be. And also to be tested for 5th disease since the school I worked at this year has had fifth disease going from class to class for the past 3 months. Yesterday pains started underneath my c-section scar on the left side and heading down my front inner thigh, so I called the doctors and went in for an ultrasound. I am only 5 weeks 2 days, so shouldn't tell anybody yet. They could see a gestational sac but no fetal pole and no yolk sac, so they said they could not rule out an ectopic pregnancy or a blighted ovum (empty sac) My Beta did more than double from 344 to 1004 in two days, but my Progesterone went from 38 to 22.9 which is scaring me. Even though it is still within the range, why did it drop? The fifth disease results had not come back yet. It has just been a crazy week and a half. I just don't know if I can go through losing another one again. Plus the internet is scaring me even worse since I have been researching( my obsession) and keep seeing very scary results.
  2. newnanchic

    newnanchic Songster

    Jan 3, 2008
    Newnan, Georgia
    I will be praying for your health !!!! And praying for a healthy baby for you and your family. God Bless .Livia
  3. spook

    spook Songster

    Apr 21, 2008
    North Central Florida
    Jimagination , hang in there. Its one time you have to turn it over to your higher power. Yes you have other beautiful 'babies', yet it does not mean you don't want the next ones! My heart goes out to you and prayers too.
    You sound so selfless regarding your family members that are trying for babies, I think I would end up being very selfish at this time.
    God bless you, your family and many hugs. ~Kel
  4. Farmer Kitty

    Farmer Kitty Flock Mistress

    Sep 18, 2007
    Hang in there! I had some bleeding issues at the beginning of my first pregnancy and was scared! I continued the pregnancy and have a beautiful girl. I will pray for you, your baby and your family.
  5. hdchic

    hdchic Songster

    Apr 12, 2008
    I can only imagine your fear hun. We have been trying for a third, although it would be the first between the two of us. I was on the Depo shot for 3 years, and sometimes wonder if I'll be able to conceive. I'm over 35, and like you, I research probably too much. I'm scared of the seemingly endless list of things that could go wrong. I don't think you are being selfish, or trying to take the attention of other family. We can't control what happens in situations like this. It is what it is and I truely hope you have a normal pregnancy, and a happy and healthy 9 months!
  6. Jimagination

    Jimagination Songster

    Mar 17, 2007
    Lancaster, PA
    Thank you all so much. I know I can always count on you guys to listen to me![​IMG]
  7. asher

    asher Chicken Enabler Extraordinaire

    Jan 26, 2007
    Mountains of NC
    Congratulations, sweetie.

    Request progesterone supplements. If they will not give you some ASAP, please let me know and I'll pm you with some natural ones if that's the best we can do.

    14 weeks pregnant was still pregnant with YOUR baby. I had an early miscarriage and my body grew that baby. Everyone doesn't agree it was a baby, but I feel it was so I remember it as so. Let yourself grieve that baby and get yourself that ring with that stone!

    Ectopic should show a sac in the tubes by now if it was. The fact that the sac is not showing in your tubes is a great thing.

    (((HUGS))) I hope you will let us support you through this pregnancy and I hope it's a healthy sticky bean!
  8. love-my-wolves

    love-my-wolves Songster

    Mar 14, 2008
    Front Royal, VA
    Hi Jimagination! I just wanted you to know that I am here with you too!!!! I have gone through 3 miscarrages. First and 3rd I didn't know I was pregnant. The 2nd I did, and had no heartbeat at 18.5 weeks. My Drs also said since I had 2 healthy kids, not to worry. HAH! I have heard that pain is common in early pregnancy, so dont give up hope!!!!!! My SIL has had 8 miscarrages, and is finally carrying one, and is 5 months!!!! So, just look for the positive, and right now, stay off the internet, if you worry too much, that could be disasterous! Please, stay safe and healthy!!! Steph
  9. AhBee01

    AhBee01 Songster

    Nov 7, 2007
    yo. ohio
    I too have had miscarriages.I lost 4 babies, 2 single pregnancies and one twin pregnancy. I had them due to low progesterone, so I would ask for the progesterone suppositories. That is what saved my last pregnancy. Some people spot and I had cramping and pain, it was de to the uterus stretching. I hope all works out, keep us posted. I agree stay off the internet! Well you can come here but no research!
    I would also get that ring, and if anyone asks about the ruby, say it is for my angel!
    Keep us posted
  10. I am wishing the best for your, and your baby. Good Luck with everything, and I will pray for your health, and your babys health. God Bless you!

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