Neighborhood drama - help?

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by KAKBucks, Jul 25, 2008.

  1. KAKBucks

    KAKBucks Songster

    Jun 8, 2008
    Central Ohio
    Maybe you guys can give me a few suggestions.

    I live on a 17 acre farm that butts up to an older subdivision made of houses on 3/4 acre lots. My neighbors have all been wonderful. Over a year ago someone moved into a house next to one that backs up to my property. For lack of a better description they're "white trash." The other neighbors complain that "this neighborhood has never been like this before."

    The mother owns the house. Her grown son and daughter both live their with their significant others and a child a piece. They have monkeys that stay in small cages in their basement, 2 large dogs in a 10x10 kennel run outside and 3 small dogs that stay in the house.

    The little dogs basically run the neighborhood. The daughter does try to get them when they get out, but most of the time no one pays attention and they just run around. The elderly neighbors that live between us have had a few confrontations about their dogs and the dogs have started coming over and going after my chickens.

    We did call animal control yesterday, but they took over 2 hours to show up and the dog was back in their house by then. The officer gave them a week to get the dogs licensed and whatever.

    The daughter is not all "there". She has a "hearing deficit and adhd" according to her, but her IQ is definitely not near average. I feel awful for her, as she's in a house with family that is verbally and to some extent physically abusive, but she mimics everything her mother says and complains viciously about everything.

    We're always hearing stories about this and that. My sense of caring has superseded intelligence and I have befriended her. I want to stay out of the family drama, and from the stories I've heard (however embellished by the daughter) make it clear that dangerous things can happen when this group is involved.

    I was going to ask for suggestions on what to do about their dogs coming over and chasing my chickens without totally alienating them, but I have a more pressing issue.

    The daughter's boyfriend was put in jail last week (probation violation on an assault charge, marijuana in a routine blood screening, idiot) and he'll be in for 8 months. Her supposedly bipolar brother got in a big fight with her a couple nights ago, hit her (leaving bruises), threw things at her and covering her 6 month old daughter with juice or something in the process, and threatened her. I guess she told her boyfriend who said if the brother ever touched her again he'd send someone over there to beat his *ss. The brother retaliated by calling the daughter from work today and telling him he is sending some "big black chick" to come beat her up and kill her.

    I don't know how much of this is drama and how much is real, but she first asked if she could spend the night here. I told her she needs to get the police involved, but she's scared of the family repercussions and everything.

    I just found out the brother told her that if she went anywhere he's send people over to that house to cause trouble.

    I told her that I didn't want to get in the middle of the family issues. That I am worried about her and want to help but that I need to worry about the safety of my family as well. I told her that she needs to call the police and get social services and things involved and if she wants to have them come to my house to talk to her that she could, but that if she's scared enough of her brother to not want to stay at the house tonight that staying at my house isn't going to do anything but escalate the problem.

    I'm torn between wanting to help and wanting to stay the h*ll out of it. And I'm certainly leaning toward the second choice for my family's safety. Is there a good way to address this? Any suggestions? She really needs to have social services watching her and her daughter. I think she'd be eligible for MRDD if she was tested, but again, how do you try and help someone without getting in the middle of it? And how do you sit and watch?

    Sorry for the really long post. There were some good suggestions made on another thread about neighbor issues and I thought I'd ask for your help too.

    Thanks ahead of time.

  2. arlee453

    arlee453 Songster

    Aug 13, 2007
    near Charlotte NC
    Ay yi yi.... what a mess!

    It's tough to walk that fine line between being compassionate and a concerned neighbor and getting drawn in to the point where you might be putting your own family at risk.

    The one way you can get social services involved is to call them to report on the infant in the house - that you want to remain anonomous but that you are concerned because you know there is violence in the home and are worried about the infant's safety with her Uncle living there. Social services is notorious for OVER reacting or UNDER reacting - either way you'll have to be willing to take the 'heat' from the girl if she is not happy about you calling SS about her baby. Chances are they will figure it out that you were the one who called... But at the minimum they will have to come out and investigate the situation and may be able to give the baby's mom a chance to talk to them about her own fears for her safety.

    If the girl won't call the police herself, then that's all you can do unless you witness a fight or she calls you during one where YOU can call the police and get them over there.

    I honestly don't know if I'd do this myself.... but I am sort of out of any other good ideas. What a tough situation and I feel so sorry for the babies that are having to grow up in this crazy and chaotic household.
  3. Year of the Rooster

    Year of the Rooster Sebright Savvy

    Jun 27, 2008
    West Central Ohio
    Oh my god... that sounds horrible. IMO, I think you not only should help them, but you NEED to help them. If someone non-related helps then this feud could go on for who knows how long.
  4. lewisfarmgurl

    lewisfarmgurl Songster

    May 6, 2008
    south carolina
    First off go with your gut feelings and do not let her stay over night. Call and get the number for your local battered women office and department of social services to help her get her and her child in a safe house. They will not release information on who called to help her and they will find transportation for her and her child to get to a shelter.

    You have a good heart but you must look after your own family first!! Report what you know to the police and have her give them a statement about the threat to her life. All you can do is report that you have seen the bruises and that she told you who did it. They will take a statement and if you ask they will keep it secret on who gave the information if you ask.

    Please be careful and let them handle this legally and with the state offices that are there to help. You don't know if she will let them really help her or if she will just go back into that house, which if she happens to do the latter will only cause you to be caught in the middle if you let her stay . They will cause all kinds of trouble for your family if she just goes back that night or the next day and could blame you for trying to " turn her against her family". Trust me, I've been there and it is something you don't want your kids to have to see or deal with if that happens.

    Do the what you think is best for your family first but if you have seen the abuse do report it secretly to the police for the safety of her child but don't bring home that kind of trouble to you and yours.
  5. i don't know what Iwould do, as they say walk a mile in your shoes, but I don't think Iwould want to get involved in ANY way with this family. Maybe sometime your at a pay phone, call child services and express concern for the child involved, but they sound crazy, and you never know justwhat a crazy person will do.Ihave found from personal experience, see nothing, say nothing know nothing.Then what ever happens, they can't point afinger at you. marrie
  6. JennsPeeps

    JennsPeeps Rhymes with 'henn'

    Jun 14, 2008
    South Puget Sound
    She needs to go to a shelter where she'll be protected and anonymous rather than to your house where "something" could happen. Even if nothing did immediately, she might let it slip later where she was and who helped her.

    It sounds like she seriously needs help, which can be gotten for her but you're not the person who is equipped to provide it.

    Good luck & keep us posted.
  7. RoyalHillsLLC

    RoyalHillsLLC Songster

    Mar 5, 2007
    NW Louisiana-Vivian
    Your personal safety first. hers second.

    call a battered women's shelter for advice. That was a good suggestion, and try to be anonymous and tell her that you do not want to be involved and deny ever calling. tell her the whole neighborhood knows and anyone could have called.
  8. English Chick

    English Chick English Mum

    Jun 27, 2008
    Cheshire UK
    You are in a very difficult situation, and as much as you wish to help the girl, you absolutely must put your family and your own safety first. We all at times need to be a Good Samaritan but from what you say they are a dangerous family. Perhaps you need to talk to the girl one more time and explain that although you are concerned for her, she must find the inner strength to protect herself and her child, and that although you are worried about her you worry about your family and their safety particularly in view of her brothers threats (to her) which may esculate onto your family. Explain that it is not a good idea for her to talk to the Social Services at your home, and for her to see them at their offices, the onus is then taken away from you and the situation that could arise from it should her family find out. See what she has to say, you can then re-evaluate the situation.

    Regarding your chickens and their dogs, might be safer in the short term to not let them free range but to place a high dog proof fence around them. You may be able in a couple of weeks time, report the fact that they keep monkeys in cages in a basement and the dogs in a small run etc to the Animal Welfare, and let them take it from there.

    Hoping that I may have been of some help to you.
    God Bless
  9. rooster0209

    rooster0209 Songster

    Apr 7, 2008
    North Dakota
    Your call to the Social Serv or the cops could be the one call that makes the difference between life or death for that child. You do have the safety of your family to consider. It is not a good idea for her to spend the night at your house. You must do something. I am sure you are not the only neighbor who realizes what is going on in that house. Be the one who does something about it.

    Here is my reasoning, a long time ago back in OK there was this 8yr old whose mother left her alone for several weeks. The girl went to school each day. She would go to different neighbors around meal time and hang out. Some fed her, some sent her home. Eventually the utitlities were turned off. The young girls teacher started noticing that the girl was dirty and wearing dirty clothes. She asked the girl and found out what had been going on. Not one single neighbor was concerned that they had not seen the mother around and the little girl was hanging out at their house. The mother was prosecuted and the girl went to a foster home.
  10. CritterHill

    CritterHill Songster

    Feb 3, 2008
    SE PA
    Quote:Excellent suggestion.

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