New life

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by shelbydog, Jan 13, 2013.

  1. shelbydog

    shelbydog Chillin' With My Peeps

    Dec 30, 2012
    Bristow, ok
    I know I'm new and have not got to know anyone here yet but I've read a couple of older threads about members being in less then ideal relationships. I left a 14 month relationship with a controlling man in November. I have this fatal flaw of being a people pleaser and as others probably know its extremely hard to please a controlling person. The only thing I can really look back and say I enjoyed about the relationship was taking care of his flock. While he could be kind sometimes it's amazing that the chickens showed more enthusiasm about seeing me then he did. I know I didn't do anything wrong in the relationship. I loved him with every inch of my soul and I did everything he said he wanted out of the relationship but there was no pleasing this man.

    I want 2013 to be the year about me. I've never been single for a full year in my adult life (I'm 33) since being out of college. I want to learn about myself and learn to love my self and learn how to have fun on my own. I want to take up running to drop this last 15 pounds. I want to make improvements on my home to make it more enjoyable. I want to get my own flock to anchor me at home. I found the flock to be entertaining and relaxing - like an aquarium. I read on older posts.....I've seen many women speak about enjoying the single life after a bad relationship before they finally met a man they were compatible with. How do I resist the urges of jumping back on a dating site to look for another companion to fill that empty space or to distract me from thinking about my ex? How do I convince myself there is no empty space or fill it with something other than the responsibilities of another relationship? I keep trying to tell myself 'this year is about you and only you'.

    edited - sorry I devulged way too much information but it helped me gain some clairity.
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2013
  2. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

    May 19, 2008
    Western MA
    I don't know..I'm of the mind set..once its over its over. Why not meet others and see what else is out there?
    Well..unless you have don't want to bring every Tom, Dick and Harry around them..
    Although..I'd say that you are going to keep going through this problem until you work on your self- esteem..
    People can only treat you the way that you ALLOW them too..
    It all depends on what you want in life and how you want to live..
  3. He didn't deserve you, I'd say. He especially took you for granted. That's what my ex did. I love how he supposedly didn't notice, but I know for a fact he did. Don't ever let a man treat you like a door mat!

    You go for starting out a new year right! Don't be like the others who just let their lives pass them bye!

    ~ hugs x100! ~ [​IMG]
  4. shelbydog

    shelbydog Chillin' With My Peeps

    Dec 30, 2012
    Bristow, ok
    Yeah, the self esteem can be a problem for me. Sometimes I get the courage to be confident and sometimes I don't. I knew I surrendered all control to him. I don't know why. In the prior abusive relationship I refused to let him have the last word and I never cooked or cleaned for him b/c I felt he didn't deserve those services for being so mean. In this one I didn't want to challenge him, I didn't want to fight. Maybe my real hang up is that I'm mad at myself for allowing it to happen. I was completely aware of what was going on. I wish I could 'wah-su' it all away. I don't feel hopeless in meeting someone else but not yet. I need to get my goals accomplished first or I'll divert all my energy to someone else.
  5. Yea just dont jump to another one ;) wait for the perfect one [​IMG]
  6. sourland

    sourland Broody Magician Premium Member

    May 3, 2009
    New Jersey
    Get right with yourself first - then you will attract the real one. Not really sure that there is a 'perfect' one. I'm fairly certain that my wife of 49 years does not consider me 'perfect'. Someone who is always critiquing, criticizing, or directing/correcting your life will never be acceptable. In many ways I think that it was better back in the 'old days' when we waited until we were married to live together. That being said, both of my kids lived with their spouses prior to marriage and one couple is going on 20 years and the other just celebrated 14 years. [​IMG]

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