I have contemplated writing this post for a long time and after reading a lot of other threads of people venting I thought I would give it a shot. I am not looking for judgement but I would really like some advice.
I don't know really where to start but I will start with the fact that I am not speaking to my mother and haven't been for over a month. Our relationship was strained before then. This all pretty much started about 8-9 months ago. My mom used to watch my two girls age 6 and my friend's daughter who is same age while we were at work. Friend comes to pick up her daughter and finds all three girls riding their bikes down middle of street. There are blind corners on both sides of my mom's house so very dangerous. She hollers at them to get home. Once at my mom's she is telling the kids to pick up etc... She is out there for about 5-10 minutes and no sign of my mom so she goes inside and my mom is on Farmville(FaceBook game for non-FBers) and completely oblivious that she is there till she says something. So she calls me upset and I in turn call my mom and proceed to let her have it. I pretty much tell her that she needs to choose Farmville or my kids but the two don't mix. Let me add that my mother has a very addictive personality. It runs in her family. Well that didn't go over well.
Fast forward to a week or so later and I am on FB and realize that I can't see my mom. Obviously this is how I knew she was always on there playing. I do some checking and find that she has hacked my account and blocked herself on my account so I can't see her. On top of this she hacked my email account too. She did this twice and one time after I changed the password. At this point things are deteriorating quickly and I write her an email and basically tell her that I am upset that she would do these things and tell her that I need a break which includes a break from watching my kids. She is constantly complaining about them and having to watch them. Don't get me wrong she loves them very much. I kept my distance for a week or two and slowly started coming around and having her pick up girls from school. We don't really chit chat or nothing but are pleasant.
Things went on like this for months until around mid April when I get word from my brother that she is behind on the mortgage. The mortgage that my DH and I cosigned for!!! I know I know it was a stupid thing to do but hindsight is 20/20!! Never again!! I call mortgage company and sure enough it's two months behind. Lovely considering I have or had almost perfect credit! So to make a long story short I have emailed back and forth with her trying every conceivable way to salvage this. I have gotten the paperwork for loan modification, deed in lieu, short sale, etc.... and she will have nothing to do with it. She won't vacate the house so I can try to rent it to pay the mortgage. So basically I have decided to let it foreclose because I have no other option. I tried putting it on the market in hopes that it might sell quickly but she won't return the real estate agents calls. In every email communication I have been civil and kind although I really wanted to spout off. Her return emails are hateful and mean and she pretty much reiterates every fault I have or every bad thing I may have ever done. She blames me for her not being to pay the mortgage because I owe her money. I do and had been paying her until she refused to give me a tally of what I owe. The amount I was paying her a month didn't even put a dent in the mortgage payment.
I might also add that this all coincides with my brother and four of his five kids moving in with her and her supporting them. He has no job and hasn't for the last 17 years. She also has a horrible addiction to shopping and spends hours on Ebay and other craft sites ordering stuff. She has racked up credit card debt out the wazoo and this isn't the first time. The first time my dad bailed her out and that led to their separation. All this and she wonders why she can't afford the mortgage.
I am angry and upset and hurt and a whole other host of emotions. I just can't fathom anyone doing this to anyone much less their daughter. I don't mind not speaking to her as it doesn't really bother me and it's much less stressful. I could go on and on about comments and remarks she makes and things she does but lets just say I am a much happier person when I don't have to deal with her. The part that really bothers me is my kids. They love their grandma and like to spend time with her. I have not spoken a word of this to them and I told my mom in the last email that she was more than welcome to see them and all she had to do was call. I also made it clear to her that the kids knew nothing about this and I intended to keep it that way. She proceeded to tell one of my friends that I was keeping the kids from her. Ugh I can't win.
At this point I have no desire to ever speak to her again and everyone says oh just give it some time and things will get better. I seriously doubt it. My mom plays the role of victim in every situation and trying to reason with her and talk to her is impossible. My older sister doesn't really have contact with her and my younger sis only calls because of her kids. She is lucky because she moved across the country and doesn't have to deal with her. I sure wish I could pack up and head across the country or to an entirely different country!!!
Sorry this is so long but it felt good to get it off my chest. DH and friends get a little tired of hearing about it and I don't have anyone else to talk to. Thanks for listening!
I don't know really where to start but I will start with the fact that I am not speaking to my mother and haven't been for over a month. Our relationship was strained before then. This all pretty much started about 8-9 months ago. My mom used to watch my two girls age 6 and my friend's daughter who is same age while we were at work. Friend comes to pick up her daughter and finds all three girls riding their bikes down middle of street. There are blind corners on both sides of my mom's house so very dangerous. She hollers at them to get home. Once at my mom's she is telling the kids to pick up etc... She is out there for about 5-10 minutes and no sign of my mom so she goes inside and my mom is on Farmville(FaceBook game for non-FBers) and completely oblivious that she is there till she says something. So she calls me upset and I in turn call my mom and proceed to let her have it. I pretty much tell her that she needs to choose Farmville or my kids but the two don't mix. Let me add that my mother has a very addictive personality. It runs in her family. Well that didn't go over well.
Fast forward to a week or so later and I am on FB and realize that I can't see my mom. Obviously this is how I knew she was always on there playing. I do some checking and find that she has hacked my account and blocked herself on my account so I can't see her. On top of this she hacked my email account too. She did this twice and one time after I changed the password. At this point things are deteriorating quickly and I write her an email and basically tell her that I am upset that she would do these things and tell her that I need a break which includes a break from watching my kids. She is constantly complaining about them and having to watch them. Don't get me wrong she loves them very much. I kept my distance for a week or two and slowly started coming around and having her pick up girls from school. We don't really chit chat or nothing but are pleasant.
Things went on like this for months until around mid April when I get word from my brother that she is behind on the mortgage. The mortgage that my DH and I cosigned for!!! I know I know it was a stupid thing to do but hindsight is 20/20!! Never again!! I call mortgage company and sure enough it's two months behind. Lovely considering I have or had almost perfect credit! So to make a long story short I have emailed back and forth with her trying every conceivable way to salvage this. I have gotten the paperwork for loan modification, deed in lieu, short sale, etc.... and she will have nothing to do with it. She won't vacate the house so I can try to rent it to pay the mortgage. So basically I have decided to let it foreclose because I have no other option. I tried putting it on the market in hopes that it might sell quickly but she won't return the real estate agents calls. In every email communication I have been civil and kind although I really wanted to spout off. Her return emails are hateful and mean and she pretty much reiterates every fault I have or every bad thing I may have ever done. She blames me for her not being to pay the mortgage because I owe her money. I do and had been paying her until she refused to give me a tally of what I owe. The amount I was paying her a month didn't even put a dent in the mortgage payment.
I might also add that this all coincides with my brother and four of his five kids moving in with her and her supporting them. He has no job and hasn't for the last 17 years. She also has a horrible addiction to shopping and spends hours on Ebay and other craft sites ordering stuff. She has racked up credit card debt out the wazoo and this isn't the first time. The first time my dad bailed her out and that led to their separation. All this and she wonders why she can't afford the mortgage.
I am angry and upset and hurt and a whole other host of emotions. I just can't fathom anyone doing this to anyone much less their daughter. I don't mind not speaking to her as it doesn't really bother me and it's much less stressful. I could go on and on about comments and remarks she makes and things she does but lets just say I am a much happier person when I don't have to deal with her. The part that really bothers me is my kids. They love their grandma and like to spend time with her. I have not spoken a word of this to them and I told my mom in the last email that she was more than welcome to see them and all she had to do was call. I also made it clear to her that the kids knew nothing about this and I intended to keep it that way. She proceeded to tell one of my friends that I was keeping the kids from her. Ugh I can't win.
At this point I have no desire to ever speak to her again and everyone says oh just give it some time and things will get better. I seriously doubt it. My mom plays the role of victim in every situation and trying to reason with her and talk to her is impossible. My older sister doesn't really have contact with her and my younger sis only calls because of her kids. She is lucky because she moved across the country and doesn't have to deal with her. I sure wish I could pack up and head across the country or to an entirely different country!!!
Sorry this is so long but it felt good to get it off my chest. DH and friends get a little tired of hearing about it and I don't have anyone else to talk to. Thanks for listening!
