Of Chickens - A Poem That I Wrote/Presented

Discussion in 'Hobbies' started by crait, Apr 22, 2009.

  1. crait

    crait Chillin' With My Peeps

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    I wrote a poem recently titled Of Chickens and today I read the poem infront of a large crowd at a bookstore as part of open mic night.
    Here's the poem for you guys to enjoy/hate/flame/critique.
    .......................................................................................................

    Of Chickens

    Chicken go cluck, cluck
    go cock-a-doodle do!
    They are my friends
    and friends of you!

    They flap their wings but do not fly,
    In the early morning, they screech a loud cry.

    Chickens are in my heart and in my yard,
    and sometimes in my stomach when they are chard.


    .......................................................................................................

    If you want to use this poem for something like presenting it in your classroom or to other people, my name is Jonathan Holmes, just so you know! [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2009
  2. Mojo Chick'n

    Mojo Chick'n Empress of Chickenville

    I absolutely love it [​IMG] good job!!

    meri
     
  3. crait

    crait Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Jul 9, 2008
    Dallas, Texas
    Thanks! [​IMG]
    Anyone else have any other comments?
     
  4. Schultz

    Schultz CluckN'Crow Farm

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    Indianapolis
    I like it, good job! [​IMG]
     
  5. basicliving

    basicliving Keepin' the sunny side up

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    That is adorable! I really like it. Was it well received?
     
  6. crait

    crait Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Jul 9, 2008
    Dallas, Texas
    Oh, yes! [​IMG]
    Everyone was 'awing' during the presentation and laughed really hard at the end. A lot of them said it was really good. [​IMG]
    It was the best presentation I've ever done.
     
  7. basicliving

    basicliving Keepin' the sunny side up

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    I would love to have seen your presentation! But just reading it I can tell people really would have enjoyed it. It's a really cute poem - I love the ending! Great job!
     
  8. RhodeRunner

    RhodeRunner Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Ashtabula, Ohio
    Cute poem! Here is some suggestions/praise that you can do whatever you want with. [​IMG]


    Chicken go cluck, cluck
    go cock-a-doodle do!
    They are my friends
    and friends of you!


    Love the sound that you are producing in the first two lines of this stanza, it can capture a reader quite well. I would like to more information why chickens are friends. I personally know why chickens are friends, but in a piece of work it is best to assume that the person knows nothing. Poetry is something that works well with show don’t tell, so if you can add a concrete image I think it would really help.

    They flap their wings but do not fly,
    In the early morning, they screech a loud cry.


    Fine and dandy, a little more could be added here but I don’t find it necessary. You could probably fit a nice image in with at least one of these lines, to make it stick a little longer in the readers mind.

    Chickens are in my heart and in my yard,
    and sometimes in my stomach when they are chard.


    Nice end, but the last rhyme seems forced even though it fits. Maybe add another image.

    Remember that poems do not have to rhyme.
    Show don’t tell if possible.
    You can always play around with typography.
    Have fun and continue the good work. [​IMG]

    Glad to hear that the reading was a hit. I am hoping to get one in this year but, in a way I am dreading it. lol.
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2009

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