Ok this is fueled by cold meds and no sleep but i've been thinking

[Beekissed]

I'll tell you what I did when I felt like that in my life...and it worked! I spent years wanting what I wanted and not being satisfied when it didn't come to fruition. I prayed and cried, worked and prayed, prayed and then prayed some more.

One day I just gave up all that wanting and asked God to take over and let His will be done and not mine. Immediately things changed and in miraculous ways! Fighting God's will for me all that time left me miserable and feeling like life was passing me by and my dreams would never come true. God changed my focus and everything came clear. I found that the things I wanted for my life were not necessarily what God had wanted and what God wanted turned out to be the best and most wonderful thing after all!

Maybe you should just change the way you pray. It worked for me!

 

[zippitydooda]

Quote:
WELL said! X2

 

[Qi Chicken]

I don't think it's the cold meds at all. It is coming to a realization that where you are is not where you want to stay. This is the first thing you need to do before you move forward. Abandoning the kids my a@@. A good mom is a happy mom. Some moms are happy using their education and making money that will help them achieve their goals. You want a car with no payment. Pay it off early with the money from your job.

(It is usually good to have a vehicle everyone can ride in, emergencies, kids friends etc.) I vote to keep the van. Let go of the anger at it or better yet figure out what you don't like about it. It can't be that everyone fits. Is it ugly, old-fashioned, does it say soccer mom to you? If it's just the payment, pay it off. If it is something other than the payment get something you like. Sounds like you are figuring out what you want. Write it down. All the details. If it is a thing, what is it, all the particular features, how much you want to pay and when you want to have it. Prioritize. Figure out what you need to do to make it happen. When you are moving in accordance with the universe things will happen for you. Put your mind and your energy into it.

 

[Carols Clucks]

Things will look better after the virus leaves......

Keep the van, I know it sucks but it is nice to go somewhere as a family. I had to buy one, when my mom was sick and my dad was being treated to try and keep his feet. It had to fit two wheel chairs, be easy to get in and hold me and the boys. I HATED being a mini van momma, but it was just one of those things I had to do. My boys are older now, my dad is gone, mom is better and I have a car I picked (I still tested the back seat before I even drove it though)

But, my suggestion is talking with some of the local contractors and seeing if they need someone to do their billing and simple bookkeeping. You can meet them on a job or on the weekends, pick up their shoebox of receipts/notes (okay-beer box....) and work around your kids schedules.

Ps.....I just got done sorting out a clients beer box....lol

 

[JustAChickenLittle&More]

I agree totally that you are stressed and I think that is your biggest problem. About 6 years ago I started having Panic Attacks out of the blue. Bad ones! I didn't even have kids at home at the time. They are all adults. My diagnosis, get your butt out of the house and have some time for yourself. You won't be abandoning your kids. But if you end up having anxiety or panic attacks, it will be worse on your kids than some time to yourself. Take the time, trust me, its the best thing. About the van, trade it in for an SUV of your choice. Then maybe you won't hate making the payment.

Your kids will love it as well.