Ollie's Accident plus The Snowplow Plan, Ollie and Sven added 10/22

Discussion in 'Games, Jokes, and Fun!' started by WriterofWords, Oct 14, 2008.

  1. WriterofWords

    WriterofWords Has Fainting Chickens

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    Ollie's ACCIDENT

    Ollie had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's lawyer was questioning Ollie. 'Didn't you say, sir, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'? asked the lawyer.

    Ollie responded, 'Vell, I'll tell you vat happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the...'

    'I didn't ask for any details', the lawyer interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?

    Ollie said, 'Vell, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road....'

    The lawyer interrupted again and said, 'Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.'

    By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Ollie's answer and said to the lawyer, 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie'.

    Ollie thanked the Judge and proceeded. 'Vell as I vas saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into da trailer and vas driving her down da highvay ven dis huge semi-truck and trailer ran da stop sign and smacked my truck right in da side. I vas thrown into one ditch and Bessie vas thrown into da other. I vas hurting, real bad, and didn't vant to move. However, I could hear Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans'.

    'Shortly after da accident da Highway Patrolman came to da scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her'.

    'After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her right 'tween da e yes. Then the Patrolman came across da road, gun still in hand, looked at me and said, 'How are you feeling'?

    'Now vat the hell vould YOU say?'
     
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2008
  2. Chicabee19

    Chicabee19 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Aug 8, 2008
    n/a
    LOL [​IMG] good one!
     
  3. WriterofWords

    WriterofWords Has Fainting Chickens

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    The Snowplow Plan
    On days the snow is so deep the snowplow plan is set up so everyone knows which side of the street to park on, this allows the snowplows to clear the other side of the road. You guys in MN know this plan right?

    One day Ollie and Lena were sitting at the dining room table discussing the heavy snow falling outside. It was late in the evening and they knew that in the morning they were going to have to abide by the snowplow plan. The power had already gone out, the snow was piling up, you could hardly see past the window.
    Ollie looked at Lena and said: "Lena, you buy da extra battries?" (Yes, that is spelled how I meant it to be said)
    Lena looked at Ollie and said: "Ollie, now you know it vas yur turn to buy the battries!"
    The looked at their little battery operated radio sitting in the center of the table. As they looked at it slowly died, leaving silence in it's wake.

    "Vell Lena, vat ve gon do? Ve can't hear da snowplow plan! How ve gonna know vere to park da car tonight?"

    Lena gave it some thought, they discussed where they'd parked it the last time, but they couldn't remember because it had been a year since they'd had to worry about it! They didn't want the car damaged by the blade though, so it was important to know what to do!

    A few minutes went by and then Lena slowly looked at Ollie and said: "Vell Ollie,, I guess ve gonna have to park in da garage dis time!"
     
  4. Hoosierbuddy

    Hoosierbuddy Out Of The Brooder

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    Jul 16, 2008
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    [​IMG] I was surprised to see you live in New Mexico, I thought for sure I was hearing a yooper joke!!
    I'm addicted to Paperback swap too!!!!
     
  5. WriterofWords

    WriterofWords Has Fainting Chickens

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    I have lot's of Scandinavian friends who love to tell me jokes! I just got 8 books in the mail, I LOVE Paperback Swap!
     
  6. mama3chix

    mama3chix Chillin' With My Peeps

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    [​IMG] I love those "yooper" jokes, and they really talk like that in Minnesota and in the UP , I went there and then through the UP last summer and just stood in a grocery store "listening" and laughing , where I'm from the yoopers call us "trolls" ,because we live under the bridge, and then if they come to visit they go "down state" [​IMG]
     
  7. WriterofWords

    WriterofWords Has Fainting Chickens

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    One of my favorite stories is from a friend in his 70's. Back when he was in his 20's and it wasn't so hard to cross the Borders between the States and Canada, he went back home up to Manitoba. They wen't moose hunting and he got a good sized one. They dressed it out, quartered it and he had most of it in the trunk of the battleship he was driving. It was an old two door with one of those huge trunks. He pulled up to the Border guard and when the guy asked him if he had anything he declare he said "Yeah, got a moose in the trunk!" The guard laughed and told him it was the best one he'd heard that night and to go on ahead. He went back to MN with that moose in the trunk!
     
  8. WriterofWords

    WriterofWords Has Fainting Chickens

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    Ollie and Lars walk into a pet shop in Bismarck, they walk over to the bird section and Lars says to Ollie, 'Dat's dem.'
    The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.
    'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Lars.
    The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.
    Ollie and Lars pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Lars truck to drive to the top the Pembina Gorge. At the Pembina Gorge, Lars looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place.' He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff. Ollie watches as the budgies fly off and Lars falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.
    Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Ollie shakes his head and says, 'The heck wid dat. Dis budgie jumping is too dangerous for me!'
    THERE'S MORE... Moment's later; Sven arrives up at Pembina Gorge. He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other.
    'Hi, Ollie, watch dis,' Sven says.
    He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free. He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun. Ollie watches as half way down, Sven takes the gun and shoots the parrot. Sven continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body.
    Ollie shakes his head and says, 'And I'm never going to be trying dat parrotshooting either!'
    IT IS NOT OVER YET... Ollie is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Thor appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken. Thor then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.
    Once more Ollie shakes his head. 'The heck wid all of deez new fangled extreme sports. First dere was Lars with his budgie jumping, den Sven parrotshooting... And now Thor tops it all wid his hengliding!'
     
  9. WriterofWords

    WriterofWords Has Fainting Chickens

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    Chaparral, New Mexico
    I laughed so hard this morning! I sent the latest to a friend of mine whose boyfriend is from MN. He asked if they were about him!! Now I have to ask her what he does for fun!
     
  10. WriterofWords

    WriterofWords Has Fainting Chickens

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    This same guy that sends me these just borrowed a chicken from me. He called my mom and asked if he could borrow one of my friendly lady chickens because he asked his "city girl" GF if she wanted fried chicken for dinner. He's going to walk in with Penny or Red and tell her he's about to make dinner! I told him one feather on that hen is hurt and he's toast!! He's got a sense of humor, I just hope she does too!
     

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