Pending Legislation: AWNAA Act

Discussion in 'Games, Jokes, and Fun!' started by Chic-n-farmer, Apr 20, 2009.

  1. Chic-n-farmer

    Chic-n-farmer Showers of Blessings

    Pending Legislation: AWNAA Act
    Washington, DC

    Congress is considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

    "Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said California Senator Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing."

    In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees and BART managers lack any marketable job skills, making these agencies the largest U.S. employers of Persons of Inability.

    Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the Inept include retail sales (62%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement "warehouse" stores (85%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (89%).

    Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

    Mandatory non-performance based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two competent hires.

    Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled. For example, banning discriminatory interview questions such as, "Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?"

    "As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut starter at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan due to her inability to remember righty-tightey, lefty-loosey. "This new law should be real good for people like me," Gertz added. With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel, and it won't be coming from the front of a fast-approaching train.

    Said Senator Dick Durban (D-IL): "As a Senator with no real abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so."

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  2. pdsavage

    pdsavage Sussex Monarch

    Mar 27, 2008
    NW,Missouri
    should have put this in random ramblings,it very funny....
     
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2009

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