Planning a wedding. About to cry. PLEASE HELP

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by terrilhb, May 17, 2011.

  1. terrilhb

    terrilhb Songster

    Dec 11, 2010
    My DH is getting married in November. I asked an acquatince to make the cake. Now she wants me to hire her as a wedding planner. My DH and her fiance do not want one. We no longer want her to make the cake. Every idea we have she puts down. They want a farm theme. They do not want a fancy wedding. So many people telling us what to do and how to do it. I do not want to be ugly but will be if I have to. I have never planned a wedding before. I am doing the best I can. If anyone has any ideas or words of wisdom please tell me what to do. I cut down on all the drama of what is going on but it is getting really bad. I do not know what to do. I at one time would have said something but it would not have been nice. I am trying so hard to not be that person anymore. I just want my DH and her fiance to have the wedding they want within reason to our budget. [​IMG]
    Last edited: May 17, 2011
  2. sfw2

    sfw2 Global Menace

    Let the acquaintance know that the bride and groom have decided to go elsewhere for the cake. Plan the wedding that your DH and her fiance want, within your budget. Is it too close to the wedding to find a new baker? I'm sure there are plenty of folks in your area who'd be happy to provide the cake that y'all really want.

    People will always want to give you advice, whether you ask for it, or not. Practice saying "Oh, thanks for the idea! We'll have to keep that in mind!" until it sounds convincing. Then do whatever it is exactly the way you want.

    Last edited: May 17, 2011
  3. herfrds

    herfrds Songster

    Jan 11, 2010
    My sympathy. Planning a wedding is stressful enough without people trying to tell you what you want. Been there.

    I agree with sfw2. Find someone else to do the cake that the couple wants.
  4. Sonoran Silkies

    Sonoran Silkies Flock Mistress

    Jan 4, 2009
    Tempe, Arizona
    First of all, do you mean DD? DH means Dear (or whatever) Husband.

    Next, get some books on wedding planning from the library (and you can probably find plenty of websites on wedding planning online as well), get a bunch of bridal magazines, read through them all and figure out what all you need or want. Whoever is paying for the wedding sets the budget, and the bride (with agreement from her groom) set the colours, theme, location, decor, food, photography/videography, music, etc. to stay within the budget.

    The advantage of having a wedding planner/coordinator is that someone is responsible for orchestrating the plans the bride has put together so that she (and her mother) can enjoy the ceremony and reception without having to "work." HOWEVER, if that person is trying to impose her own ideas on the wedding, then there is a problem. It is one thing for an experienced planner/coordinator to steer a bride away from common errors that they have experienced by explaining the liklihood of unfortunate outcomes (for example thin paper plates instead of china or heavy duty paper plates), an open bar that has no limits on time or drink tickets (unexpectedly large $$$$). But to consistently criticize y'alls ideas is inappropriate.

    You may want to stop telling others what you are planning to see if that cuts down on the unwanted advice. And as was already said, a big smile with a "Thank you for that idea. We'll think about it." And if it is the most hideous idea you ever heard, well, you WILL think about it--just not flatteringly [​IMG]

    As for the person making the cake, politely tell her that they have found the perfect cake elsewhere, but you appreciate her offer. If she is not gracious about it, be blunt and tell her that her criticisms were inappropriate and unwelcome, and that you are no longer comfortable with her participation.
  5. Two Creeks Farm

    Two Creeks Farm Songster

    Apr 23, 2011
    Hedgesville, WV
    My wife and I did our wedding 100% our way with the help of family and friends. Almost 20 years ago, and people still comment on it! Nothing fancy.

    That bride needs to set out HER plan and have those supporting her make it happen, nothing less!
  6. CityGirlintheCountry

    CityGirlintheCountry Green Eggs and Hamlet

    Jul 7, 2007
    Middle TN
    What Sonoran said. [​IMG]

    It is your daughter's wedding. It should be what SHE wants (within financial boundaries and whatnot). It should also be a beautiful, blessed day as free of stress as possible. Ignore what everyone else says.
    As an alternate, try saying "What an interesting idea!" You can vary the tone on "interesting" between "Oh my goodness! What a completely brilliant plan! You have the best taste EVER!" to "Seriously? They let you out of the barn?". Try it. It should be fun. [​IMG]

    Now, if you want my advice... [​IMG]
    No, really. I worked in the industry as a designer for 8 years. It is a strange, strange neurotic world.
    Having a coordinator for the day of the event is a brilliant plan. You will have quite enough to do that day getting ready yourself and helping your daughter. You also want a chance to visit with your friends and family. Having someone else in charge of the food and moving floral arrangements and all the other million little details is the biggest help. It doesn't have to be a fancy schmancy professional event coordinator. It can be as simple as one of your very organized friends or a lady at the church (or whatever facility you are using) who is familiar with weddings and how they are run. It will make your life and your daughter's life a little easier. It really will.

    Enjoy the process. Weddings should be fun. [​IMG]
  7. debilorrah

    debilorrah The Great Guru of Yap Premium Member

  8. Chickie'sMoma

    Chickie'sMoma Songster

    Mar 21, 2009
    Rochester, NH
    i planned the wedding and had the help of friends to get everything organized the few days before the event. i did the embossing of the invites months in advance with the help of my hubby to be printing the insides. i made my own dress since i could not find anything i liked at the local stores that were in my price range. my mother was a prude about each dress i tried on, she kept telling me my hubby to be would have to wear a tux every time i tried something on! i found a dress design i liked online and found a Simplicity pattern and modified it to have a train.

    i decided that my mother should not have much involvement since i remember what had happened with my sister's wedding many years before. she controlled every aspect of that wedding, i did not want mine to be controlled and uncomfortable for everyone, my DH especially since he is so laid back and relaxed about things.

    we had it in a friend's backyard, rented a canopy, tables and chairs, had friends and family that were willing and able help with cooking up food and setting up decorations. we had so many people mention to us how laid back and relaxing it was for them during our wedding! 5 years later and we still hear from friends how relaxing it was! my boss at the time made our cakes since she does catering. she did give me some suggestions but she did warn me that leading up to the wedding i would have a lot of people trying to sway our hand at what we wanted done. she said pretty much the same thing as the other here are saying-you can always listen to the advise of others, but you don't always have to do it!

    have fun and do it how you want to! you do not have to volunteer any information when people ask how you are doing things! you can just tell them that it will be a surprise when the day comes!
  9. Spookwriter

    Spookwriter Crowing

    Feb 23, 2010
    Be polite, but firm.

    VERY firm.

    This wedding should honor the daughter and her new husband
    as they begin their new life together.
  10. fried green eggs

    fried green eggs Songster

    Mar 25, 2011
    S.E. Michigan
    Do the wedding the way your daughter and future son-in law want, including the theme, within your budget. It is their day! You can get a wedding planning check list on-line or in books to help you organize so, you all can enjoy the big day. You don't have to break the bank to do a beautiful wedding. Enlist friends to help with details on the big day, they will enjoy being part of helping make it a great day for your daughter. Post questions to your friends on facebook and get suggestions about DJ's, Venues, caterers, photographers etc to help you choose. Good Luck and try to keep your sanity.

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