Pregnancy, Estrogen, and Women

Discussion in 'Games, Jokes, and Fun!' started by Run-A-Muck Ranch, Apr 21, 2009.

  1. Run-A-Muck Ranch

    Run-A-Muck Ranch Chillin' With My Peeps

    Got this in an email today...Thought it was pretty cute...lol


    Pregnancy, Estrogen, and Women


    PREGNANCY Q & A & more!

    Should I have a baby after 35?
    A: No, 35 children is enough.

    Q : I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
    A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

    Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
    A: Childbirth.

    Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
    A: So what's your question?

    Q : My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
    A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

    Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
    A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

    Q : Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
    A: Not unless the word 'alimony' means anything to you.

    Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
    A: Yes, pregnancy.

    Q : Do I have to have a baby shower?
    A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly..

    Q : Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
    A: When the kids are in college.

    'ESTROGEN ISSUES'

    10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE 'ESTROGEN ISS UES'

    1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
    2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
    3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
    4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
    5. You 're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: 'How's my driving-call 1- 800-'.
    6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
    7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from 'outer space.'
    9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
    10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

    TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
    10. Dogs' facial expressions.
    9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
    8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
    7. Fat clothes.
    6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
    5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
    4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
    3. Eyelash curlers.
    2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

    AND, the Number One thing only women understand:

    1. OTHER WOMEN

    Send this to five bright, funny women you know and make their day .
    WE ALL NEED A SMILE!



    'Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
     
  2. ChandlersChickens

    ChandlersChickens Chillin' With My Peeps

    397
    0
    142
    Jun 8, 2008
    Delphos, OH
    [​IMG] Love it!!! and agree with it!! I'm sending this to my sister.
     
  3. FrenchHen

    FrenchHen Chicken Ambassador

    Jan 26, 2009
    Bagshot Row
    That's [​IMG] not [​IMG] funny [​IMG]

    We're never like that. [​IMG]
     
  4. Chicken Fruit

    Chicken Fruit Chillin' With My Peeps

    Feb 25, 2009
    Echo Homestead
    lol.

    Once, when I was pregnant, I was like 5 weeks along, I was such a hormonal basket case that my husband walked through the kitchen and said something smart AGAIN about me being a stay at home mom and there being dirty dishes and clothes and i LOST IT.

    I threw everything in reach at him... INCLUDING our antique claw foot kitchen table with a protective glass top. It sat 6 people. Iam 135 pounds.

    You know how they talk about mothers with super human strength who lift cars off their children to save them? Those people are too scared to write stories about hormonal insane pregnant women who have super human strength and get cheesed off at their husbands.

    Not my proudest moment by a long shot. I can be scary some times I guess. I think it must have been twins or something.. I was just so hormonal. Iam never like that ever. I accidentally electricuted myself a few days later and lost the pregnancy.

    Moral of the story... Dont push a preggos buttons.
     
  5. Chicken Fruit

    Chicken Fruit Chillin' With My Peeps

    Feb 25, 2009
    Echo Homestead
    see... I scared everyone off the thread.
     
  6. Harley's girl

    Harley's girl Chillin' With My Peeps

    [​IMG] I have gotten that one before! I think it is so funny.......only because it is so true! [​IMG]
     
  7. chickencoop31320

    chickencoop31320 Have bator, will hatch

    Sep 24, 2008
    Southeast Georgia
    [​IMG]
     

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