RANT! Tired of being the Well Spouse!

[obxWaMi]

DH has Hep C and has had multiple back surgeries, but I'm sick of hearing about how bad he feels or how tired he is. It is always his excuse for everything.

If I had a nickle for every time he said, "My back hurts", or "I feel like #$&@", or "I'm so tired", I would't need to be begging the mortgage company to restructure our loan.

On Monday he complained of still being tired after sleeping all day (NOT and exageration). I left him at home asleep at 6pm and went to our volunteer job with the Lion's Club. When our DD became ill and needed to be taken to the Emergency Room we both called him NUMEROUS time and couldn't wake him. After more than an hour he finally answered. When they got home he complained about having to sit in the ER with her while she slept on pain meds. (She was diagnosed with Gastritis--thankfully it wasn't gall stones) I wish he could understand how many multiple hours I've spent in ER's, hospital rooms and Surgical Waiting Rooms watching him sleep.

Yesterday I woke him at 9:30 and he said he was getting up. I went outside, took care of the chickens and the yard, went to the pharmacy, and then sat with a book while he slept until 12:30. He complained that I didn't wait for him to get up before going to the pharmacy.

Today he only got out of bed because the Vocational Rehab guy called and reminded him of his appointment that he was already late for. When he got back home about an hour later he fell right back to sleep on the sofa.

For our anniversary 2 years ago we went on a cruise to the Caribbean. I went to dinner alone twice (once he didn't even realize I had left the cabin) and I saw three shows by myself.

He can never seem to drag himself out of bed or off the couch for me! He is always either late for doctor or rehab appointments or he misses them altogether--Except for the Pain Management Specialist. Our house is a disaster right now and I have friends coming in a few weeks. I would really like to get things back in order and finish painting the kitchen. It has been over a year since we started on the kitchen and it still isn't finished. I would also like to clean the carpets, but I can't do it alone. I'm starting to feel really depressed.


This isn't something new for me. It has been this way for more than 5 years. I AM LONELY!

 

[gettinaclue]

I wish I could hug you and we could sit and vent at the kitchen table and then help paint your kitchen.

God Bless you.

 

[chicmom]

Oh, I'm so sorry. Maybe you should just sit down with him and say "Look Buddy, you need to become an active part of this marriage!" Tell him what you need from him. He's not an invalid, is he? He is still a husband and a father and he needs to step up to the plate!

Sounds like you've bitten your tongue so long, you're about to BLOW! And I don't blame you one bit, but try to lay it on the line and talk to him without screaming (I know I would want to yell my head off at this point!), and tell him what you need.

If he doesn't listen, and make an honest effort, then you need to figure out what the next step is.......whatever that may be.

Good luck to you, Dear! HUGS HUGS HUGS!

Sharon

 

[ranchhand]

Quote:
That sentence is a red flag for me. I have a sister who is addicted to painkillers, Vicodin/hydrocodone, and she sleeps most of the time but still complains about feeling crappy and being in pain. Can't do anything but sleep and eat, only leaves the house to see the doctor, where she lies to get extra meds. I suggest you check with the Pain Mgmt. person- they can't tell you anything but perhaps you can tell them what's going on and they can adjust the meds.

I have been on painkillers for long stretches after surgeries, and they are VERY addictive. Some of the popular ones have side effects that can actually cause other pains if used too long.

Good luck, but do try talking to the doctors about it. I'll help paint the kitchen too, but I warn you, I am a messy painter!

 

[dichotomymom]

Sounds like he might be depressed?! Depression can cause aches and back pain as well.

 

[seismic wonder2]

Quote:
Snowball effect.
pain->meds->depression->pain->more meds->that cause pain->meds->depression on and on and on.
get the to drug threapy.

 

[jbowyer01]

My Dh is disabled so I know what your going through. It does sound like he's depressed and so are you. You both should get counseling, it does help.

 

[Miltonchix]

Speak to his Doctor! You mentioned pain management. SOme of the drugs are at fault. Chances are the drug has clouded his thinking to the point he doesn't even realize whats going on.
I've been off work for 6 weeks now due to 3rd partial knee replacement. I realized the other day it had been 6 weeks. Felt like 2 or 3 days. And if you've never experienced extreme pain like he is its hard to understand. In fact you cant. Not unless you experience it too. I'm not making excuses for a lazy SOB. But there may be more going on that he's not even aware of. TALK TO HIS PAIN SPECIALIST ASAP.

 

[CoopCrazy]

Quote:
Snowball effect.
pain->meds->depression->pain->more meds->that cause pain->meds->depression on and on and on.
get the to drug threapy.

Bingo

 

[KinderKorner]

I do understand how he feels though. I have a lung diease and heart problems. Making me extrememly tired all the time. I've fallen alseep on thanksgiving at a family dinner on top of their freezer with screaming kids everywhere.

And I'm really young.

I am sorry for you though. I would just talk to him about getting on different drugs or something. He needs to make himself more active.

I know I could sleep all day and night. But if I actually get up and do something I wake up some. You can't waste your life away just because your tired. The more you sleep the more tired you will become.

Maybe you guys need to get counciling. Talk to a doctor about it. Maybe they can help.

I agree it is the snowball effect.