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Ready to beat my brother or his wife *Divorce rant*

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by tonini3059, Dec 19, 2009.

  1. tonini3059

    tonini3059 [IMG]emojione/assets/png/2665.png?v=2.2.7[/IMG]Luv

    Nov 6, 2008
    Southwestern PA
    My brother was married two years ago in Oct. It has never been a good marriage, his wife is never with him and goes out with her friends all of the time and never wants to spend time with my brother. She couldn't even be there for my brother when my mom was dying. She was too stressed and needed and still does go to the gym everyday, go out with her friends, or do other activities without him. They never see each other and they have been having problems for a while. He lets her walk all over him and never says a word. Needless to say no one in the family likes her she never makes an effort we do so much stuff for the two of them and she never offers to help us out with anything. Even her own surprise party she was throwing for my brother my hubby, sick mother with cancer and I did all of the work and made all of the food she made not one thing while she showed up an hour before the party. We set the food up and cleaned up and when someone asked her about whether they were going to take care of our dog for a week while we were on vacation she simply said "No they are not my family" That was the last straw of attempting to be nice to her. Ever since they first started dating anytime it comes to our family functions she always has a headache or is sick unless she knows other guys will be there so she can flirt with them. She always has to be the center of attention for guys. But for my brother's sake we all put on a show of trying to incorporate her and be nice to her. I cannot do it anymore..............

    Finally on Thanksgiving morning she told my brother she wants a divorce. Of course he is devastated, we all are happy because they are simply not meant to be he is 30 and wants to settle down and have kids and she "doesn't know who she is" and doesn't want kids.
    One minute they are getting a divorce and the next they are normal it goes back and forth and it is her fault. One minute she says she loves him and the next she says she is smothered and wants out. How she is smothered I do not know because she is never home nor spends time with him.
    The final straw was yesterday I called him to see if he was going to come out to dinner with us and he says Melissa is moving out we are getting a divorce and he also calls my one brother and tells him. So here I am feeling bad because it is right before Xmas and our mom just passed away and he thinks his world is ending and feeling bad that I am happy that they are ending it. Then he calls back an hour later that he isn't coming to dinner because him and her are ordering a pizza?!?!? What the Heck, this is how it has been for the last month, he is so depressed he has had to go on medicine and he never know what mood she is in. She sees a counselor weekly and doesn't want to go to marriage counseling because she already goes to a counselor once and week and doesn't want to work on their relationship....
    I am so ready to kill one of them because I can't stand seeing her do this to him or him letting her walk all over him!
     
  2. EweSheep

    EweSheep Flock Mistress

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    [​IMG] to both of them! I think they both like each other's company to be miserable and wallow in it!

    One day a [​IMG] will make him wise up and leave her if he does not want to continue to be married to her. I think it has something to do with the "ME" generation mentaility!

    I dont think counseling can help them at this point, they have been doing it for so long and she is not happy, neither is he. So what are they waiting for?????
     
  3. WriterofWords

    WriterofWords Has Fainting Chickens

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    Chaparral, New Mexico
    They are waiting for the point where they know it's time to go. It's not easy to give up no matter the circumstances. It's like smoking, the smoker can't quit until they are ready to do it themselves.
     
  4. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

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    Western MA
    I know its SO hard to watch this happen..
    but you have to let them work it out by themselves. I know..its hard.. [​IMG]
     
  5. Rusty Hills Farm

    Rusty Hills Farm Chillin' With My Peeps

    Apr 3, 2008
    Up at the barn
    Misery loves company. And it occurs to me that they BOTH like the attention of the constant upheavals. You cannot fix their marriage. They will have whatever kind of a relationship that suits them. At the moment it seems that the misery is more appealing than happiness, so they are miserable.

    We've all had friends/know people like this. They moan and cry and play oh-pity-me but always find some reason not to do the logical thing that will end the problem. Instead they keep right on moaning and crying. The only thing you can do is refuse to be the one they come crying to! Oftentimes you HAVE to do this for your own peace of mind and your own health and happiness. Misery IS contagious. Don't let them pass it on to you.

    JMO

    Rusty
     
  6. Jess N Jeff

    Jess N Jeff Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Oct 25, 2009
    South San Diego, Cali
    [​IMG]
    Had this same thing happen with my sister and her ex husband. Sadly the only thing I can say is this....

    Pushing him one way or the other will do nothing. He has to come to his decisions on his own and in his own time. She may be the worlds biggest b***h, but until he sees it completely and sees that he deserves better, he wont be able to move on. Allow him to make his mistakes, just be there for him when he needs to talk. DON'T give your opinion until he asks you for it(this is hard to do!!!). Just listen and love him.

    The worst experiences in life can allow us to appreciate when something good comes our way.
     
  7. sfw2

    sfw2 Global Menace

    Quote:This is exactly what I was going to say. I would try to distance myself from everything until your brother makes his mind up, one way or the other.

    I know it's hard to watch your brother go through this. Sorry you're having to deal with this, on top of everything else that's happened this year.

    [​IMG] [​IMG] to you.
     
  8. tonini3059

    tonini3059 [IMG]emojione/assets/png/2665.png?v=2.2.7[/IMG]Luv

    Nov 6, 2008
    Southwestern PA
    It is just sooo frustrating cause he has always been a sensitive guy and every girl he dated he was going to marry and he loves to spend every minute with them. She is the complete opposite of that if he want her to take 15 minutes out of her day to sit on the couch next to him he is too clingy and she needs her space. He will not leave because he doesn't like to be alone and he feels no one will want him. He is a good looking guy and he is a teacher so he has a good job. Our good friend died two Jan and it was tough on him because he would spend all day everyday with this kid to keep him busy and occupied and now our mom, which filled the void of the friend. Now he just can't take the thought of being alone even when I try to tell him he is basically alone because she is never there and when she is they do not spend time together they don't even sleep in the same bed together( this has been since before they were married) and she even "forgot" their 2 yr wedding anniversary. I really don't want to see either of them, but I know i will have to because of the holidays.
     
  9. sfw2

    sfw2 Global Menace

    I know you said your SIL is seeing a counselor. it like your brother could really benefit from going himself. He needs to learn to love himself in order for somebody else to be able to truly love him.

    [​IMG] [​IMG] for you and your brother.
     
  10. MissPrissy

    MissPrissy Overrun With Chickens Premium Member

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    Forks, Virginia
    Misery loves company. Stop being the company. He is an adult. Let him live his life and don't get involved. It really makes things worse.
     

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