Relationship Advice.

[CherryChick]

Hey Everyone,
I kinda feel silly for posting but here it goes.....
I’ve got a relationship issue…Need some in site or advice about. First a lil back ground.
When I was 19 years old I met a man on the internet. He was a sassy man from England. We hit it off really well and became really good friends. About 4 months later I found out he had a crush on me and I on him. We decided to give this internet long distance thing a try. So we did. He came here to visit and I went to England to Visit. We were together for 3 years very happy except for not being able to see each other as much as we would like. We would Skype every night but just not the same as when we got to visit each other which because of money was only twice a year.  2009 He asked me to marry him and I said yes. We were crazy about each other. And were very excited about getting married. Well about 6 months later , after that money got really tight for both of us for visiting and trying to save money to make him a legal US citizen. We both got “grouchy” because we had to keep pushing things back and one day we just both snapped. We broke up the end of 2010. We were both heart-broken. To scared that we might hurt things more than it was already we dated different people.
I have been dating another man who is very sweet, nice, and knows how to treat a woman right. We have been dating for a year now. I don’t feel as strong about him as my ex fiancée…. Is there something wrong with me? Should I give it more time? I just feel like amazing friends with no real romantic feelings and if I do get them they seem to come and go.
I do still love my ex fiancée and have told the current man about how I’m feeling. I’ve been upfront the whole time.
Just don’t know if I should give it more time. Or If I should lower my expectations because I’m not going to feel that way about anyone else after my ex-fiancee. ( He actually made me want to get married and have children. Which I’ve always told everyone that I would never have children. And he changed that.)
Just would like some insite.

 

[SourRoses]

Haha... it might be silly... but here is my advice....

 

[jbourget]

I say if he really wants to be with you he will come move here! but you should tell him that.

 

[Zonoma]

I think you already know the answer to your own questions but, if it helps, I have one rule above all others when making important decisions: Never, ever make a decision based on fear. You will always regret a decision that is made on a reason that starts with, "I'm just afraid/worried/scared...."

 

[sonew123]

Quote:
You broke up for many reasons...I can guarantee if you were to rekindle with your ex-and actually live together-there would be trouble. You never lived with him..You only heard and saw the best-that's all you had time for...there is bad in everyone in every relationship-it's up to the couples to either accept the bad and continue a relationship ( whether you are married or not) You still LOVE your ex because maybe there wasn't enough existence with eachother to see things in a normal light...You are now with someone you see daily-live life with etc...If you are still in love with your ex - do yourself a favor and your fiance and leave. Allow him the repsect to be with a woman who will love him to pieces and no one else...let another woman have romantic feelings for him ( the way he deserves to have them) and vice versa-I cannot imagine how he feels right now knowing you don't have those feelings for him and knows you are still in love with another man...There's nothing wrong with you hunny...you just need to live life longer to experience things. Let him go-you'll realize what you've lost after you've lost it-your not doing him any favors at this point Go live with your ex -seriously..see if you can make it as a couple-put your fears to the side and go with your gut...it will either be awesome and meant to be or a eye opener that you made a mistake..It's life-live and learn-there are no gurantees-ever!

 

[pamperedpoultry]

Seems like you still are having the "what if's" and still being in love with the ex is affecting your current relationship. One thing to learn is never compare someone to somebody else you'll just drive yourself crazy. If you don't "feel it" for this guy. I would let him go so he doesn't waste his time and let him know that your just not over the last guy. Then I would find some way to "get over" the ex, and if you find that you can't and the both of you still feel the same about each other, have another go at it. Then you'll know next time if it doesn't work out for sure that it just wasn't meant to be. Hope things get better for you

 

[Mattemma]

I think the ex would have saved that needed citizenship money by now.Went through this with my spouse and it is not a huge amount of money.Does he even contact you?

I would ask the current BF what he wants. The strong feelings for the ex are probably a bit filtered by now,and you are yearning for what *could* have been. Love is different every time we experience it. It all has it's good and bad.

Sometimes we break up during stressful times,realise it was a mistake,but are afraid to be the first to admit it.It is a tough call.You could leave current one,go back to ex,and realise current one was better.Life is so tough (and short),but you have to decide.

 

[TheJuan-n-Only]

I can only talk out of my personal experience. I was madly inlove with my son's mother...MADLY! Unfortunately, she didn't felt the same way and we parted ways. For years I was still in love with her, but life had to go on. I went on on a serious relationship with a great gal saying to myself that it was ok that I didn't feel the same because that was a "once in a life time love"...so I got married to girl 2 while still having "a thing" for my son's mother...yeah that didn't work out very well!

...needless to say we ended up in divorce. A long the way I realized that yes, I loved "my baby mama", but as some one said here, we weren't together for a reason(s)....eventually I actually fell inlove again, to my current wife. She is the best person I ever met, she is my best friend, lover and my partner in crime! lol If I thought I was MADLY in love before....I wouldn't even know what adjetive to use now!!

So do with this story what you must, read into it what you think you must......best of luck!!!!

 

[Oregon Blues]

What money to make him a US citizen? All needed was to submit an application for a fiancée visa at the US embassy in Britain. A couple hundred dollars at most.

Then he comes to America legally, you get married, and then you stand in line forever at the immigration office and do the paperwork that verifies you got married and they give him a green card, which I don;t think costs anything.

A lot cheaper than the actual plane ticket.

I say you get on with your life and don't look back. I think your sweetie was conning you.

 

[kuntrygirl]

Quote:
I'm going to have to agree with Oregon Blues.