Rude Teenage DS

[herfrds]

I'm about ready to do something I shouldn't.

DH went to wake up DS this morning and DS refused to get up so DH started singing because he knew that would get him up.
Well DS started yelling at DH and telling him to shut up and started cussing at him.
That is when I jumped into the fray and got into DS's face and told him to stop telling his Dad to shut up and to clean his mouth up or I would do it for him.
Told him that from now on he gets himself up and if he doesn't I have a corral for him to clean with a pitchfork and a wheel barrel. his 4-wheeler will be taken away. His driving privleges will be taken away and no one will be allowed over for his birthday.
Also unless he starts treating his Dad with respect I will take away his privleges to use the guns.

I was getting a dirty look from him but he knew I was serious.
A little hard to be mean when your kid stands taller then you but my grandma taught how.

I'm about ready to drop kick him.

Those of you with teenagers how did you both survive?

 

[zzGypsy]

Quote:
How do you know that's true since you won't "allow" them to ask you? I think you're just a spoiled brat. You're free to think what you like about me, just no threats like you gave other people. That only shows you to be what I called you when you do that.

I'm not a spoiled brat. Its not so much when they ask me to do something, its more when they try and "force" me to do something. This morning my dad asked me to pick the rest of the bales from the field before they got home from town. And thats what I did, I was allowed to do it when I wanted to as long as it was done by a certain time. If he had just come up to me and told me to go out and do it NOW, no questions I would have had a problem with it.

A spoiled brat doesn't drive an old 1966 ford farm truck to school every day

Holly, you sound smart, and if you're getting your stuff done and getting A's that's all to your credit. You also sound stubborn, difficult, and ready to launch the big rockets at the slightest challenge to having it your way. and trust me, "leave me alone and let me do it my way or we go immediately to war" is spoiled - just not in the typical way. but perhaps "control freak" might be a more precise term.

so you know where this comes from, I was on my own at 15, straight A's and already graduated from HS, independent, stubborn, and ready to launch the big warheads... but not near as quick as you. I *hate* being told what to do and how to do it.

fair warning: figure out how to work for yourself.

because you're going to have a REAL problem when your boss tells you not only what to do, but how to do it, when to do it, and what to act like while you do it. if you can't tollerate even a little of that from your parents without going to war, how the heck are you going to manage when your boss, who unlike your parents doesn't care a fig about you, does that?

you are going to get fired a lot.

fair warning #2: while you're figuring out how to work for yourself, figure out how to do that without having customers.

because many of them are going to want to tell you how to do things, or when to do them too.

you are going to get fired by your customers a lot too.

BTW, I'm guessing that it's not that your parents respect you. its that when they cross you, you immediately hit the launch button and make their lives hell-on-earth until they get back in line. it's not respect, it's exhaustion.

fair warning #3: be prepared to live alone

because no man / woman / roomate / companion wants to live under the threat of all-out-war for violating your rules. however smart and independent and cool you may be, you're not worth that.

Ok, so before you think I'm just being a total jerk, let me just say I know these things are so from having been quite a bit like you. and I've got 37 years and many many many thousands of dollars in working with therapists between where I am now and where you are.

I'm also here to tell you that you can avoid having it all go like that. you could start with an appology to your parents for making them walk on eggshells around you. you could admit that you don't have control over your temper and that you could use a little help learning to be more flexible. you could hold off a second or two the next time you go to hit the laiunch button and consider if what they are asking for is really invasive and awful, or if you're just a bit overreactive and could consider being a tiny bit more accomodating and flexible. if your parents can't manage their end of the change in interaction between you, do it anyway. you have a lot of skills to acquire, it would be good to start now.

so I wonder, is it spoiled (I don't want to and you can't make me) or afraid (I can't tollerate the sensation of being controlled by someone else)?

If it's spoiled, you may want to go back and read the warnings again, and consider if it's the life you really want for yourself.

If it's fear, then I send you this:

. If being asked to comply with someone's else's wishes in detail, even someone you love and say you respect, causes you to need to defend yourself and deploy the scorched-earth tactics, some piece of you must be very frightened and insecure. I know this because it describes me. it took all those years and all that therapy to heal the damage enough to be able to make a liveable life.

It's not too far from the season... you could consider this "A Christmas Carol" with me playing the visitation of Christmas Future. regardless if it's selfishness or fear, Take Heed. you can change your path.

 

[Carols Clucks]

One of the problems of a long thread is that often people reply with out reading the whole thread.

There were people that posted that their parents did not spare the switch, but no suggested that Holly's parent or the OP took them out back and use that switch.


What most people said was basically, that throwing a temper tantrum to rule the household is not the way to live. That parents need to set rules and boundaries for the benefit of the child.


And yes there are lots of adults that throw temper tantrums to get their way, they might call it being a diva, high maintenance or a "witch" but that does not make it the right and the most successful way to live

 

[bumpershoot]

FYI a small screw driver is all you need to remove a bedroom door (unscrew the hinges)

It does get better, especially if their GF is around, cause a rude guy is the last thing they want to show a girl.


<~~Mom of 3 boys who have survived to see 18 (and I have the gray hairs to prove it)

Exactly. Around here the bedroom door came off, the cell phone became a useless brick and the internet went bye-bye for a whole year. I now have a human being that I am proud of living in the house. Oh, and for a whole semester I went to class with him. VERY popular, I can assure you!

 

[chickened]

My 15 year old is going through this and all I can say is back up what you tell him you will do and make it obvious you love him as hard as it can seem sometimes. Taking away things is effective and do not let him sulk in his room or sulk about it at all. No pity parties.

 

[cafarmgirl]

Oh ya gotta love the teen years! NOT!!

I've been pretty lucky so far but my older one did go through a period of thinking he was all grown up and should be able to say and do whatever he wanted. He was rude and disrespectful to both myself and my DH on a daily basis. We tried just dealing with it firmly for a while but things didn't improve and so one day I'd had enough and I blew up at him, turns out his dad did too on the same day and I didn't know it!

Anyway the gist of what I told him was that I simply will NOT be spoken to that way! And that he had a choice, continue this crappy behavior or decide to act like a decent human but that if the behavior continued there would be none of the following: no driving privledges, no four wheeler privledges, no cell phone, no computer/internet access, all things that we, his parent's pay for and are therefore considered privledges. Acting like a snot does NOT earn privledges!

I think I surprised him because I was really loud and I was in his face and yes he's a few inches taller then me! I had HAD it!! He got the same from his dad and yes, it did take more then once but he did decide that life is a whole more enjoyable when you act like a decent human in our house and we've moved on. With him I didn't have to resort to restricting privledges, he improved his behavior on the threat alone, but I was well prepared to do so. The idea of his mom driving him to school every day and dropping him right in front for all to see was not a happy one!

Good luck! It's not fun and they don't always make the right choice so be prepared to make good on your conditions just in case he decides to test you.

 

[sourland]

We got through puberty and the teen age years with our son relatively unscathed, but our daughter was another story. My 'tag along with Dad' kid became a royal pain in the butt. She would not smart mouth me (swearing was/is not allowed in our home), but she would lay her attitude upon my wife, and I would intervene. It caused a serious rift between my daughter and me that has now been repaired, but we lost several years - that I am sad about. I still believe that if the house rules don't suit you, "Get out and be responsible for yourself." This does pass, but it is no fun while ongoing. I would use your approach. Whether or not it is the right one, I don't know, but we do what we gotta do. Good luck. You are not alone.

 

[redhen]

I work with problem teens...
The main thing they need to know is consistency, they need to know what WILL happen when they do something aganist your rules.
Mean what you say and say what you mean, EVERYTIME... no letting them get away with it one day..then nail them for it next week...
If he doesn't get up when he's supposed to...what will the consequences for that be? Etc... you need to figure it out and thensit him down and tell him what exactly will happen if he breaks such and such house rule...
I have a no tolerance policy for back talk and disrespect in my house...i nail them hard, they rarely do it twice....

 

[HeatherLynn]

Red's going to come live with me in 2 years. Thank you for volunteering Red.

 

[Avalon1984]

I may not have kids but I tell you, any small woman can get a larger person (or horse for that matter) to pay attention if you put emphasis behind your words. I used to deal with horses that were used to being manhandled (which is stupid, they are too big for that) and I quickly trained them that once I raise my voice, I am serious and you better pay attention. This has also helped me with some guys standing in the road trying to be intimidating.