Sensitive Father's Day Question

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by Laurajean, Jul 7, 2010.

  1. Laurajean

    Laurajean Slightly Touched

    Apr 2, 2010
    New Hampshire
    I say, sensitive, because it's me who's sensitive. When it comes to my father, I get very emotional, so please be easy on me.

    The situation is this: My father is of retirement age, but refuses to retire. He's a workaholic and always has been. He got remarried a few years back, so now even when he isn't working, he's spending time with his new young wife. He is always busy, busy, busy.

    I bought my own house recently, and if I need something, he will come help. He's there for emergencies or when I need any sort of assistance, but otherwise never comes to just visit.

    On Father's Day he came over to help me install a washer/dryer combo I had purchased. I felt bad that he was helping me on Father's Day, but thought it might be a good way to lure him to my house, and then when it was in place I could take him out to dinner (if I simply invite him without a "reason" he won't come... too busy.). No such luck. Once it was in place and I offered dinner at a restaurant, he said no way, that he was tired and wanted to go home. I felt horrible. That was not what I had in mind for Father's Day (the moving of the washer got more complicated than I had anticipated).

    So I explained that it was important to me that I take him out for a nice meal, and he said he had the next week or so off from work as a temporary layoff and that we could go sometime then. Never happened.

    I thought today of calling him and reminding him about dinner and trying to plan it for this weekend. Then I started to second guess myself. If he wanted to go to dinner, he would have probably called. I don't want to FORCE him to have a Happy Father's Day by cramming it down his throat if he'd rather be doing other things, you know? On the other hand, sometimes he needs to be forced, because he really is a workaholic and if he'd just stop to have dinner with me, I think he'd have a good time.

    What do you guys think? Should I push the issue with him and try and make him go have a nice dinner on me? Or should I back off, thinking if he's too busy, than it's not much of a gift to pressure him? I just want to do SOMETHING for him, and I'd also like to spend a little time with him. The only time I ever see him is when he's helping me out at my house, and that's not fun, it's work and him doing me a favor. I just want him to relax for once and have a nice time!

    Advice?
     
  2. burquechick

    burquechick Chillin' With My Peeps

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    I'm just wondering what the reason was that he couldn't have dinner with you that second time around, during his layoff?
     
  3. verity

    verity Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Sep 8, 2008
    Clemmons
    If he really wants to stay home, take a nice picnic supper to him -- call ahead of time to ask when it would suit him -- he might really like that --
    some people are just more relaxed in their own homes -- [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2010
  4. starforever61

    starforever61 Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Quote:I agree! [​IMG]
     
  5. Laurajean

    Laurajean Slightly Touched

    Apr 2, 2010
    New Hampshire
    Quote:He's always "busy". When I asked he said that he was "busy" doing all the things he didn't have time to do when working. Sometimes I wonder if his wife whom I've never gotten to know very well is jealous, or if it's him. He's never stopped to smell the roses, ever, even before her. To him, I suspect going out to eat is a waste of time when he could be "getting something done". I know he loves me, but he just doesn't seem to know how to take a break, except for his wife, who insists.
     
  6. Laurajean

    Laurajean Slightly Touched

    Apr 2, 2010
    New Hampshire
    Quote:That's a nice thought but he lives and works at the same place, and doesn't know how to separate the two. So we could be sitting there having a picnic, and if a customer shows up (even if he's closed) he'll let them in and it just totally wrecks any sense of quality time. If the business phone rings, he answers it, etc. I've tried it in the past and always leave frustrated. There's just no sense of quality time there. I have to bring him to a "third location", lol, and even then I have to compete with his stupid cell phone.
     
  7. burquechick

    burquechick Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Jun 13, 2008
    Louisiana
    Are you friendly with his new wife? Maybe you can talk her into "insisting" he go to dinner with you?
     
  8. Three Cedars Silkies

    Three Cedars Silkies Overrun With Chickens

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    Apr 17, 2008
    Gainesville, Fl.
    This is probably a life long habit that is unlikely to change at this point. I've found with the older adults in my life (and I'm 59 so I mean OLDER [​IMG] ) most get comfortable with a certain routine and just can't seem to be happy taking a break from that routine. Certainly not all...but with many of them.

    Hope you can hit on something that he would be willing to do. You might have to point blank ask him what the issue is with having dinner with you.
     
  9. Laurajean

    Laurajean Slightly Touched

    Apr 2, 2010
    New Hampshire
    Quote:I am friendly with her, but she is Indonesian and her English is not very good. Somehow my father manages to communicate with her, but I have trouble. I am afraid if I tried to do that she would misunderstand and take it as an invite. Nothing against her, but I never get to spend time with my dad alone. Also, my dad doesn't like me to speak to her about anything without running it by him first. He's a little paranoid, I guess he thinks' I'll contradict something he might have told her previously.[​IMG]
     
  10. Laurajean

    Laurajean Slightly Touched

    Apr 2, 2010
    New Hampshire
    I mean, I could just call him and say what the heck? I want to have dinner with you, come on. And he'll do it. But I just don't want to twist his arm, seeing how I'm trying to do something nice for him. I want him to want to spend time with me. [​IMG]
     

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