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She "dumped" her ferret on us. "Rant"

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by Ferngully, Dec 31, 2008.

  1. Ferngully

    Ferngully Songster

    Nov 6, 2008
    N.E. Florida
    o.k. DD is 18, has mental issues, and has been out of the house for awhile. Over the holidays I let her come stay the night, she said she wanted to spend the time with us. Youngest DD was thrilled. Well...she spent no time with any of the family, showed up at the end of the eve party and left for the night again for somewhere else.
    She said she broke up with her live in and needed a place to stay. ALL the rules were set down, she said no problem I have been living that way for awhile with other people, cleaning, cooking, babysitting, getting up in the mornings. She has no job, I did not ask her to watch my kids, just that she help out around the house for her keep, mainly keeping her messes cleaned up. I thought the rules were simple and respectful for staying in someones home. Work nights in by 8. Weekends 11, as we get up at 4am to start our day. Most nights I get 4 hours sleep between the things at home to do and with work that I do on the computer at night when the kids are sleeping.
    She brought her newly acquired ferret with her. No supplies, rusty cage, and NO IDEA how to care for one and then said she wanted to get a second and another dog. She was informed that no more animals would come into my home. (We already have one of her dogs and one of her cats)
    I told her I would help her with feed and litter and things for the ferret if she went with me to my father's house to help do some light cleaning for him. She disappeared with some friends.
    The one day she was here during the day she stayed in the bed til 1130 when my 9 year old had enough and went in and told her "you are too sick to get up but I bet you will be well enough to go out with your friends later" Normally I don't let my children speak this way, but she was really cheesed off about her behavior. I had tried for hours to get her up, well that conversation got her out of the bed to come running to me to tell me I shouldn't let them talk that way to people. Informed her, they don't talk that way to adults, you are a sibling so yeah she can. I was angry at that point and let it go.
    Well she went off with some guy 3 days ago, haven't heard from her, my son has been caring for the ferret. Today I get to spend my chicken money on a cage and supplies for this animal that I never wanted. I never had any desire to own a ferret as it is not a good fit for our home. Our days are already filled and I don't want the added responsibility.
    I am not cruel, or mean, and have let many come and stay with us til they got back on their feet, but this is ridiculous. If she were trying to help herself in the slightest bit, we would be more than willing to help her out. But she isn't. When she finally does show up, I am going to have to tell her I don't think this is going to work out and she needs to find another place to stay.
    Please don't bash me for feeling this way. We raised our children better than this, my other 2 are proof. Yes, her mental illness comes into play in the situation but it is not that extreme of a problem. I don't like feeling like I am being used, and at this point I feel like I am. I am just so frustrated because she has done nothing she said she was going to do around the house, take care of her ferret, sign up for school, nothing but stay out and party. At that age I went to college full time, worked full time, and yes i lived at home and still cooked the meals, did the laundry, took care of my sister and kept the house clean as well as kick in money to the house to my parents. We raised our kids the way we were raised, in hopes it also be the same for them with being responsible. Where did we go wrong?
    We let her have my daughter's room to sleep in, her clothes went into a huge pile on the floor, 9 yr old was so discusted by it she just shoved the pile into the closet.
    My other 2 kids at home enjoy having a clean home and are more than willing to do chores. They don't mind taking care of the animals we have. They look forward to putting a garden in and getting more chickens for eggs. These were our plans.
    Sorry for the long rant, just frustrated, angry, hurt, feeling used, disrespected, on and on.
    And oh, now she claims she is pregnant again, lord I hope not. She can't even come around to take care of a ferret.
  2. English Chick

    English Chick English Mum

    Jun 27, 2008
    Cheshire UK
    Don't worry about ranting it is Ok...so sorry you and your family are enduring this girl's total lack of respect for you (her mother) and her siblings........tell her if she does not respect you the family and the home she will have to find shelter elsewhere..give her 72 hours to buck her ideas up.......you did not explain what her mental issues are though.....

    Hope everything improves for you, but do keep us posted......[​IMG]
  3. skirbo

    skirbo Songster

    Jul 18, 2008
    Walton County, NW FL
    I'm sorry you are going through this. I doubt it was anything you did or didn't do-I think some people are just hardwired to be that way.

    My suggestion is to post an ad on your local craigslist and give the ferret away before your family becomes too attached to it, if it isn't already too late.

    Good luck
  4. lauralou

    lauralou Songster

    Dec 10, 2007
    Central Virginia
    Your rant is understandable! I would be frustrated, too. I'm sure that you love your daughter very much, and are at your wits' end with the situation.

    I hope that things settle down, and she is able to obey the (lenient) rules that you have set. Also, I hope she isn't pregnant!

    Good luck with this uncomfortable situation.
  5. mtnhomechick

    mtnhomechick Songster

    Jun 27, 2008
    Mountain Home, AR
    If there's any way to get in touch with her I would call her and tell her to come and get the ferret now or it will be going to the humane society.

    Just pack up her stuff and greet her at the door with all of it whenever she does return.

    And don't ever let her live with you again.

    Just my advice.
  6. FunnyFarmer

    FunnyFarmer Songster

    Jul 20, 2008
    Efland, NC
    That really stinks. She sounds like my sister--and THAT has been an ongoing family drama that has occasionally gotten really ugly. I would either put the ferret on Craigslist or take it to the animal shelter. Then I would pack all her stuff up, put it by the front door, and when she shows up tell her she has to clear out. Unfortunately our experience has been that kids like this can't be helped out until they've hit rock bottom. My folks had to put my sister out on the street at 17 because she was so nasty and abusive at home, and when they finally got her into a residential program for troubled kids they told her if she was kicked out that was it, she couldn't come home. She was kicked out the day my first kid was born and my dad had to leave and drive to Florida to pick her up and leave her in a cheap motel. (And my folks had tried EVERYTHING they could with this kid--nothing worked.) She's finally, at 23, getting her life together a little bit. It's not how I'd want to live but at least she has a roof over her head and a steady boyfriend who treats her well and brings his paycheck home.

    Just keep telling yourself that she's an adult now and will have to make her own choices and live with the consequences. Don't let her bad choices derail your life--or it will never end. You don't have to cut off contact--just financial support (and that includes a place to live) for bad decisions. Hang in there. And get rid of the ferret! They are really high maintenance......

  7. Rte.66_chicks

    Rte.66_chicks Songster

    Feb 22, 2008
    Kingman, AZ
    Sounds like it's time for ToughLove. How about putting all her things outside, and if she has a key, changing the locks? And you might be able to give the ferret to a pet shop or advertise it in the classifieds to find it another home. You certainly don't need to be treated like the doormat that she seems to think you are, and to allow it to continue would be enabling her. My grandmother had a saying- "You make your bed, you lie in it." She needs to lie in the bed of her own making.
  8. mtnhomechick

    mtnhomechick Songster

    Jun 27, 2008
    Mountain Home, AR
    Has she actually been diagnosed with a mental illness?
  9. spookyevilone

    spookyevilone Crazy Quail Lady

    Oct 5, 2008
    If you don't want the ferret, maybe try listing it free to good home on CList? Or ask there if there's a rescue for them that would take it in. Used to raise them - ferrets by themselves are like having an autistic, hyper two year old in the house. If they don't get enough attention, they get neurotic and start damaging themselves.

    Sorry about your holiday [​IMG] I have an older half sister who's bipolar and unmedicated - I totally understand.
  10. speckledhen

    speckledhen Intentional Solitude Premium Member 11 Years

    I know from experience that they do what they will, no matter what the upbringing. It's heartwrenching to see her make those awful choices, however, I feel parents have their own lives to live, apart from their children. Me, I wouldn't take care of the ferret. I'd rehome the rodent since she really doesn't seem to care about it nor is she responsible enough to have a pet. Hugs to you, fellow mom.

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