*Sigh* Week old baby and possibly a divorce. *Warning: RANT!!!*

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by Bettacreek, Mar 21, 2009.

  1. Bettacreek

    Bettacreek Overrun With Chickens

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    Jan 7, 2009
    Central Pennsyltucky
    Well, hubby and I have been on the rocks for quite some time now. The usual, 90-10 relationship. Everything has to revolve around hubby. Me getting sleep isn't important, I'm not important enough to get more than 2-3 hour naps, but he deserves a full sleep because he works third shift (I work swing shift, whenever they need me, I'm just off on maternity leave). Anyways, video games have become more important to hubby than his children and wife. I have to ask kindly two or three times, then get mean and nasty and demand that he helps, and ten minutes later, he'll get off his game and give a half-xxx hand. Anyways, today, he had off, I was sleeping, the baby started crying, I called to him to get him to care for the baby so that I could sleep. He ignored me, baby kept crying, so I managed to roll out of bed to take care of the baby. Then our 16 month old starts to cry. Hubby ignores him. I told him that he had to help me out, I couldn't take care of both of them at the same time. He, again, ignores me. I asked again, nicely to help, again, no response. That's when I get mean and tell him to get off his xxxx and help out with his kids. That's when I get called a xxxx, but at least he decides to get up and help. He tells me that I do absolutely nothing around our place (I admit, the chores have been slacked on, I just don't feel like getting off my butt half of the time anymore).
    Finally, I decide that I'm going to my parent's place to get a full 6 hours of sleep. I leave the kids with hubby, he asks where I'm going, I tell him, he throws a fit. My response, "I don't do anything around here, so I know I won't be missed". Fast forward 5 hours, I stopped in to make sure everything was alright (I had my phone on, but figured I should check in anyways). And, no, I didn't get any sleep, I was so upset. I come in, hubby was sleeping. I was home for about five minutes and both children started crying at the same time. I grab the youngest to get a bottle ready, and wake hubby up to get our oldest (our oldest is easiest to care for, he self feeds, etc). After everything is taken care of, I say that I'm heading back to my parent's place, and spending the night. Hubby goes off on a tangent about how he didn't get much sleep today and that it's bull that I would leave him here on his own with two kids to care for, and that I had better be taking them with me. I didn't, I left them with him and went and took a nap, but then my sister showed up (she's been having problems with her boyfriend as well). THEN, I get a call from hubby, answer it, and he says that we need to talk (which, is what I have been saying to him, that we need to act like adults and sit down and talk through our marriage or give it up and be done, because constant fighting isn't working out for any one of us). He says that I have to come home, because he also needs to get something from the store. That's fine, I know talking face to face is best, as long as it's done in a civilized manner. I get home, he goes to the store and returns (I had my doubts to be honest). Then the first thing he says, "who is he?" Umm, excuse me, I can't handle YOU, let alone another man on the side. My parents split because of cheating, and we just don't need that extra mess addled into our already mangled marriage. Then, he says, "well, I think we should seperate, not divorce yet, just seperate".
    This has been an ongoing battle since our first was born, I'm sole caretaker of BOTH babies. Yes, he brings home the biggest chunk of bread, but I work my butt off at work too, and then I come home, make his lunch and help him get ready for work (he doesn't do this for me). I make breakfast, lunch (if I'm home) and dinner for our family, and when I'm not home to make lunch, I have containers of food set aside that hubby can just heat and give to our toddler to eat. The added stress of another baby (not baby's fault by any means, I'm not blaming either of the kids) just kicked it into overdrive. So, I guess we'll be trying a "trial seperation". Yay. [​IMG]
    I don't know how to feel. I feel like my world is collapsing, but then I almost feel like it's just collapsing to make room for a new life. I feel guilty for feeling the second part, I really, really do love my husband dearly, I just feel like it's not mutual.

    Anyways, sorry for the long rant, I just had to get this off my chest, cry my eyes out a little more and move on. [​IMG]

    If this is final, I swear, if I ever date again, I'll strangle myself for being an idiot. I've come to the conclusion that men are all about themselves and can't possibly have any empathy for anybody else.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 22, 2009
  2. Three_Blessings

    Three_Blessings Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Jan 23, 2009
    Barry county, Michigan
    [​IMG] What a stressful time for any couple. Having a newborn and dealing with another very young child as well is so much work. I kind of know how you feel due to the fact that I do not work ouside the home, so most of the responsibility for our 3 kids falls on me. I'm sure you are both just really stressed with having a new baby in the house and all of the responsibility. Sometimes when you are exhausted you say and do things you don't really mean. I hope you have family and friends that can give you a break and get some rest here and there. You will be in my prayers.
     
  3. danielnv

    danielnv Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Jan 19, 2009
    Mountains of Virginia
    Since you are still in love, I would show him this post, print a copy or whatever to make sure he knows where you are coming from. He might just surprise you and talk about things. A seperation will only make things worse IMO.
     
  4. Foxhound lady

    Foxhound lady Chillin' With My Peeps

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    TX baby!
    If it was me I would have thrown away the video game but.....

    You need a bunch [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]

    Hopefully things work out, what about couseling?
     
  5. Chickenmaven

    Chickenmaven Chillin' With My Peeps

    Feb 6, 2009
    Michigan
    You had a baby a week ago, according to your post. Is this correct? Even if the birthdate was Feb. instead of March, you have your hands full. Lord, I know. My two were 23 months apart. I was not human for a year.
    This guy needs to "man up." If you have a friend or family member that can talk to him, get them right on it. His mom or dad? A married male friend. Someone needs to encourage him to be the best version of himself during this very crucial time in your family's life. Also, you should insist on counseling. "Can't afford it?" You cannot afford a divorce. It will sink you and those babies into poverty.
    Please also consider that you should not leave your babies. It doesn't look good. Hubby sounds very immature. He could use this against you. If someone can care for you and be supportive at this time, ask them if you can come to visit- with your little ones - for a respite. The babies need a little support, too. If their dad is acting like a 16 y.o. & you are overwhelmed, they need grammy or auntie & uncle. Reach out.
    Hang in there. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this.
     
  6. Rhett&SarahsMom

    Rhett&SarahsMom Chillin' With My Peeps

    May 8, 2008
    sounds to me like you have THREE babies not just two.

    I would do the trial sep. Make HIM move out. See how he likes it. Having to actually do for himself. If he doesnt get how good he has it. Then file for divorce and take him for all you can.

    Honestly? if he is this big an a$$ and has been this way for a while Nothing is going to change him. You can try counseling, but be prepared to be going alone.
     
  7. lurky

    lurky Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jun 4, 2007
    Western MA
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  8. ams3651

    ams3651 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jan 23, 2008
    NE PA
    With 2 small kids you do need his help, dont feel bad for letting the household chores fall to the side. Youve got more important things to worry about right now. When my youngest was born my boyfriend had made it clear from the start he didnt want him. I took a stand, my kids are more important. I told him I loved him and I didnt want him to go but my baby was more important. We had the same conversation over and over and in the long run he stayed. It was kind of a reality check for him and a kick in his manhood that I could do without him. Someone told me, if he loves you and wants to work it out he will be back, if he doesnt you dont want him anyway. Sounds like your parents are nearby, if they are able to help you for a little while with the kids take the help. Sounds like you both need to regroup, you need to catch up on sleep and take care of your self. If he's the kind of guy who will sit down and talk it over, be honest, dont blame and make him see how much you need his help. I hope it works out for you.
     
  9. BeardedChick

    BeardedChick Chillin' With My Peeps

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  10. davidb

    davidb Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Dec 15, 2008
    north east Georgia
    I don't want to pry, and I know venting helps,I also know theirs people with good intentions, and probably good advise, But please go to a clergy, or marriage counselor ,and let them help you and your husband out with your problems, they are trained for this and hopefully will give you better advise on this, especially since their young children involved. I would hate for you to get some not so good advise, and wreak your marriage and your family
     

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