Silly Sayings... Feel free to add yours!

Discussion in 'Games, Jokes, and Fun!' started by suzettex5, Aug 2, 2010.

  1. suzettex5

    suzettex5 Songster

    May 26, 2009
    These are just a few silly sayings I got in an email. I thought a few of them were kinda cute, so I decided to share [​IMG] Hope some make you smile, and feel free to add any of your own.

    I have kleptomania,
    but when it gets bad,
    I take something for it.

    Except that one where you're naked in church.

    Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.

    Kinky is using a feather.
    Perverted is using the whole chicken.

    Heaven is Where:
    The Police are British,
    The Chefs are Italian,
    The Mechanics are German,
    The Lovers are French
    It's all organized by the Swiss.

    Hell is Where:
    The Police are German,
    The Chefs are British,
    The Mechanics are French,
    The Lovers are Swiss
    It's all organized by the Italians.

    Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

    My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
    Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

    Welcome to Utah
    Set your watch back 20 years.

    In just two days from now,
    tomorrow will be yesterday.

    A bartender is just a pharmacist
    with a limited inventory

    The statement below is true.
    The statement above is false.

    I may be schizophrenic,
    but at least I have each other.

    I am a Nobody.
    Nobody is Perfect.
    Therefore I am Perfect.

    Five million people,
    Fifteen last names.

    I'm not your type.
    I'm not inflatable.

    Dyslexics Have More Nuf.

    In Memoriam

    With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "TheHokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.

    Sometimes I even put it in the food.

    Preserve the Spotted Owl
    (in formaldehyde)

    When you work here,
    you can name your own salary.
    I named mine, "Fred".

    money isn't everything,
    but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

    Reality is only an illusion
    that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

    I like cats too.
    Let's exchange recipes.

    Red meat is not bad for you
    Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

    I am having an out-of-money experience.

    As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

    Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,

    "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate.

    Please be careful!"

    "It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"

    Don't sweat the petty things.
    Don't pet the sweaty things.

    Corduroy pillows are making headlines!

    I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
    not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
  2. justbugged

    justbugged Head of the Night Crew for WA State

    Jan 27, 2009
  3. justbugged

    justbugged Head of the Night Crew for WA State

    Jan 27, 2009
    It takes so little to make so much happy for so little time.
  4. Dutchgirl

    Dutchgirl Not Dutch!

    Apr 1, 2008
  5. EE lover:)

    EE lover:) Songster

    Jul 10, 2010
    North Carolina
    'Why was there BACON IN THE SOAP!?!?!?!?!?' 'I made it myself!'
  6. ChickLover98

    ChickLover98 The Chicken Princess

    Apr 24, 2010
    [​IMG] [​IMG]
  7. Telamon

    Telamon Songster

    May 31, 2010
    I have no idea.
    When I marry someone I hate off a cliff, I say "THIS IS SPARTA!" and kick them down the cliff.

    Everyone was LOLing about that one on ROBLOX [​IMG]
  8. gryeyes

    gryeyes Covered in Pet Hair & Feathers

    Let's go paint the town red!

    Uhhhh... with how large a brush? And what shade of red? And, well, why? Seems like such a waste of time and energy, when I could just as well be sitting in a bar drinking myself into a stupor. Or at home, doing the same.
  9. Zinnia-Hen

    Zinnia-Hen Live & Let Live

    Jan 29, 2011
    Mine is in my siggy!

    Last edited: Jun 14, 2011

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