Rather than repeat the holidays from previous years, where I was in the kitchen cooking and cleaning from early morning to late at night (while DSDs sat on their behinds in the living room), I felt secure enough in the relationships I have with the eldest one to speak up this year. Weeks ago I let DSD #1 know that I expected help with the cooking. She could use her own recipes or mine, but I expected help. Her excuse in past years was that she doesn't know where anything is in my kitchen (same excuse she gave me for not helping put away the clean dishes), but I let her know that not only would I be right there to help her find anything she couldn't find; but that I hadn't moved any of the dishes, pots, baking dishes, etc., from the places where her mamaw kept them in this house when she was growing up. DSD #2 was a little trickier. Her only domestic quality is that she lives in a house. She has been told (by her older sister, not me) that if we are going to be cooking our tailends off, she is capable of doing dishes. I'm helping her by keeping the dishes washed as we cook, so she will only have the dishes from the actual meal to clean. I think DSD is a bit angry with me, but she can build a bridge and get over it. Now to deal with my feeling of guilt for laying the law down.