So frustrated, I can't help my Dad

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by gritsar, Dec 18, 2009.

  1. gritsar

    gritsar Cows, Chooks & Impys - OH MY!

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    Life seems to be full of one little crisis after another lately. All minor, but frustrating just the same.

    My Dad lives in Florida. He's 87. I have a half-sister, his stepdaughter, that lives a few blocks from him but she's about useless.
    Dad decided earlier this month to close his bank account that he's had since the early 90s; goodness knows why. When he closed the account, no one at the bank bothered to ask him if he had checks outstanding that needed to be covered.
    A few days before he closed the account Dad wrote out checks on that account to each of us kids (me and my 5 half-siblings) as Christmas gifts and to pay his utility bills. The sister that lives close to him asked for her christmas money early - of course, in October, so that takes one check out of the running.
    Now he's trying to do damage control, by finding out which checks cleared and which didn't.
    I just spent an hour on the phone with him trying to help him figure it out. I'd about have it straightened out, using his last printout from the bank - dated December 15th - as his reference, when he'd pick up his November statement and get himself all confused again.
    Dad still has too much of an independant streak to turn over power of attorney.
    Whenever he calls, about financial or medical issues, I try to help out as much as possible but there's only so much I can do long-distance and without power of attorney to ask questions and get answers.
    I'm just frustrated and venting.
     
  2. danielle82

    danielle82 A Good Egg

    Apr 27, 2009
    Tonasket Wa
    [​IMG] even though you are so far, I'm sure he is grateful you are trying to help
     
  3. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

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    I can imagine how hard it is for you to be away from him at his age and when he needs help...
    Are there any other siblings close by him to step up and help? [​IMG]
     
  4. gritsar

    gritsar Cows, Chooks & Impys - OH MY!

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    Quote:Nope, idiot half-sister #3 is the only one that lives in Florida.
    It's tough. My Dad is a very gracious person, also very calm and easy-going. It's hard for me to hear frustration in his voice. I've talked to him bunches about coming out here to live with us. He wouldn't need to live with us, we can get him a mobile home and set it up across the lane from our house. He won't hear of it. He especially doesn't like the fact that we have winters. At some point, he won't have a choice but for right now I have to let him continue in his own way and try to help as much as I can from here.
     
  5. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

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    Its hard for them to give up their independence sometimes..
    Your doing all you can at this point.. your a good daughter. [​IMG]
     
  6. Dar

    Dar Overrun With Chickens

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    what about having a joint account with dad?.. that way he still has control but you can log online and see whats going on?

    if there is a branch of the bank he uses now close to you all the paperwork may be able to be done via fax


    ((HUGS)))

    O btw.. tell dad that you dont have winters, you have coolish days... I have winters...lol (jk... [​IMG])
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 18, 2009
  7. gritsar

    gritsar Cows, Chooks & Impys - OH MY!

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    Quote:Yeah, we're going to have to arrange something like that as soon as we can manage a trip to Florida. I know that my step-sister has medical power of attorney, but I don't think Dad would be foolish enough to give her financial POW.
    Winter is winter to him. He asked me what our temp. was today - 38 degrees at the time of our phone call - and you would have thought I told him we were having a blizzard. [​IMG] Then he told me about it being 75 there. [​IMG]
     
  8. Dar

    Dar Overrun With Chickens

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    Quote:Yeah, we're going to have to arrange something like that as soon as we can manage a trip to Florida. I know that my step-sister has medical power of attorney, but I don't think Dad would be foolish enough to give her financial POW.
    Winter is winter to him. He asked me what our temp. was today - 38 degrees at the time of our phone call - and you would have thought I told him we were having a blizzard. [​IMG] Then he told me about it being 75 there. [​IMG]

    you may not have to go to Florida to open the account... if there is a (-----insert brand name bank here.----) one in your state and one in his ... it can be done by the branch managers over the phone and fax lines... (at least in Ontario/ BC it can be done... I just did it with my Aunt)
     

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