Sometimes makes me mad!

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by MeatKing, Jan 23, 2011.

  1. MeatKing

    MeatKing Songster

    So my mom took the kids over night, and time alone with only hubby is sparce!! So anyways just driving home from the drop off and he called me and said "he was gonna go over to his friends house and help him drywall for a little bit" So I was like what? I just dropped off the kids, remember we talked about a special date night dinner?
    He's reply I won't be gone long, their baby is away for the day.. it's the only day we can do this!!
    Me, What, our kids are away, the only day we can have a date!!

    So I said whatever, he said I won't be gone long.. 6 hours later, I call and tell him what I think, He comes home, and I went to bed at like 7 pm.. He thinks I"m over reacting! Still mad today and frankly I think it's the worst thing he has ever done to me! We've gotten excatly 2 free nights since dd of 5 was born! And he choose to spend it at his friends drinking beer, doing drywall...
    To me it just tells me excatly where I stand [​IMG] Not too sure how I'm gonna handle this.. but I have been a _____ all day to him.. and don't know when I will stop.. If we didn't have kids, it would've been over...

    Any suggestions? besides killing him?
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 23, 2011
  2. vebyrd36

    vebyrd36 Songster

    Nov 28, 2010
    New Ringgold Pa
    I understand your problem. One thing I had to remember is men do not think like we do. I tell my Hubby it is important to have a set time for us without anyone else to help reinforce our feelings for each other. Sometimes just taking him by the hand and saying I know you did not mean to hurt me but the fact is I am. Explain to him that you need to be recognized as his partner and not a rock to be leaned on. I know how you feel, but think back to what made you fall in love with him. Then explain it to him. Trust me men are clueless sometimes. Sometimes we are so wrapped up in everday life that we forget our own identity. Little things matter in a relationship, the walks hand in hand or the quite cup of coffe after everyone is in bed or a shared embrace while watching a sunset. Just remeber your mad now but words are spoken and will remain forever. [​IMG]
  3. bkreugar

    bkreugar Songster

    Jun 18, 2008
    Asheboro NC
    You don't say how long you've been married. A few possibilities come to mind:
    1) he just didn;t realize how important this was to you
    2) he knew but spending a special romantic night with you was not what he wanted
    3)he did this as a passive aggressive way to let you know just where you do stand
    4) he viewed it as a way to have some guy time with less guilt
    5) He felt that he HAD to help friend (IE WAS already promised) and lost track of time

    I have been married 19 years in April and I see things differently than as a younger wife. At almost 40 I don't begrudge him his guy time or his desire to do other non family/us stuff. Sure would have at 5 years in. When my kids were younger time without kids was a rare luxury, now with his schedule we get at least one day a week for the better part of the day just us.

    SO I am sure the big reason you are mad is it was such a RARE treat.

    Either way you can either calm down and ask hime which it was OR you can be mad for a time but eventually you will have to move forward. They definitly do not enjoy coming home to the screaming witch. I KNOW for my DH the quiet (though never silent) treatment is the worst for him. In the heat of a fight once I said yea I am PI%%#$ about xyz and he said YEA and coming home to this is just what I love. Really made me rethink how I use my anger with him.
  4. MeatKing

    MeatKing Songster

    We've been together for 10 years... Both him and his friend are laid off, so really except for their new baby... they could do it any time...
  5. seedcorn

    seedcorn Songster

    Apr 25, 2007
    NE. IN
    but I have been a _____ all day to him.. and don't know when I will stop..

    & you wonder why he doesn't want to spend time w/you? Would you have done that when you were dating? Would he have helped his friend drywall when you were dating? While we men are FAR from perfect, we don't change a lot and will avoid conflict if at possible.​
  6. MeatKing

    MeatKing Songster

    I guess, I'm just hurt.. cause I come last after his friend, who he has had 3 days this week with no kids... Where as I work full time, am the bread winner right now, have to go to work with a fractured rib, then a chest infection.. because I am the only one paying the bills.. While he hangs with his friends at least a few days a week...
    I think it tells me excatly where I stand.. Can't wait till he asks me to get him a pack of smokes... maybe his friend can get them for him!!
  7. MeatKing

    MeatKing Songster

    Quote:& you wonder why he doesn't want to spend time w/you? Would you have done that when you were dating? Would he have helped his friend drywall when you were dating? While we men are FAR from perfect, we don't change a lot and will avoid conflict if at possible.

    I've only been like that cause he already chose to go help his friend.. He wouldn't have done that if we were still dating.. Cause I would've dumped him... Now it's like he knows I'm stuck!
  8. bkreugar

    bkreugar Songster

    Jun 18, 2008
    Asheboro NC
    Now ME once it starting getting to dinnertime and he wasn't home after I thought we had plans... I would have gone with a nook to restraunt I know he wouldn't like and read and eat in peace. Come home whenever I darn well please and not worry about it. He would either be home or not. I would NOT call him constantly to know when he was coming home. I would have come home taken my long uninterupted bath with said book and then gone to bed.

    But with young kids I might have been mad the next day. What I would NOT have done was sit at home and simmer. I would have taken advantage of the free time.
  9. Ema

    Ema Songster

    Jun 4, 2010
    N. Ontario CANADA
    you know what people are quick to pass judgement when they either have never been in that situation or simply just don't get the whole point. I recently went through this with my dh, been with him for 10 years too. Had a special night all arranged and the whole shabang and I begged him for weeks ahead to make sure he had that night off. he agreed and told me he would make sure he was not working, lo and behold he goes to work and they ask him if he will work on that night, prior to me dropping him off at work I reminded him, and well he agreed to work anyways. I had expressed how important it was, and well he decided to work anyhow.

    a couple days later he said he felt we could spend time together anytime we wanted, but then I told him not exactly right because I had gone out of my way to have all the details worked out, no kids, quiet house the whole nine yards. He got the point and felt bad afterwards.

    I too was hurt and upset, and I felt like if the kids hadn't been in the picture I would have walked. but then I saw that he didn't look at it the same way as I did, what is a big deal to us may not be seen the same by them. So I told him, the next date night, you are arranging the whole thing, this way he gets to see how it is a big deal.

    He will have to arrange a sitter, dinner plans, entertainment, and the whole night thereafter, and he knows sitting on the couch eating pizza and watching a movie is not acceptable nor is it acceptable to go to a movie either...because we do that now when the kids are in bed.

    next date night, give him a list of things to do in order to make it happen, he will get the idea, don't leave out any time you make a date night, he will keep it !!!

    take a deep breath and when you are calm ask him whats up with his might be surprised at his answer. Frankly he has been with yu for 10 years, if he didn't value you, you would know it already without him having done that. My opinion is he didn't quite get how important it was. and you should tell him he hurt your feeling and that is not acceptable.

    Good luck and [​IMG] from a fellow Ontarian :)
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2011
  10. noodleroo

    noodleroo Snuggles with Chickens

    Apr 29, 2010
    Rockport, Tx
    Men don't think like women. Men will continue to make you mad for the rest of your life. Really. Unless, of course, you learn to communicate on 'their' level. Leave out the details; men don't do details very well. Try to get at least 'yes' or 'no' responses so that you can make decisions in anything that might include them. LOL [​IMG]

    If you feel the need to let him know that his behavior hurt your feelings, try the following: Say "when you do _________________(fill in the blank) it makes me feel like ____________________(fill in the blank)". Communication is very important, and, making his (and your) life miserable with your behavior is not an effective communication tool. There needn't be a consequence for his actions. [​IMG]

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