Sometimes makes me mad!

[MeatKing]

Quote:
I never thought of it this way, but I did pretty much get him two jobs, that he didn't want.. Money is really tight around here, I can't just give him money cause he will spend it.. Although I never looked at it form his pov.. In the summer, the role is reversed and he doesn't give me money..

 

[MeatKing]

Thanks everyone for your support and words of encourgement.. I told him how i felt while I was crying

so he knows.. he said sorry, but sorry doesn't cut it right now.. The chance for another date is at least 6 months away.. so him making it up to me anytime, isn't gonna happen..
He will be getting the cold shoulder for a very long time, and I think next weekend I may go to a girlfriends for the weekend.. He can stay home with the kids.. I need a night out, with or without him and it looks like he choose the latter for me. Really when I was dating, I never wouldv'e put up with this. Do men change just cause they know we wouldn't want to break the family unit?

 

[PineappleMama]

Say you'll do something, do it. A man is only worth as much as his word is.
Plenty of people, male and female, are just NOT taught that any more. Which I feel is a real shame.
If more people just kept their word when they gave it, well imagine how doing so would change your neighborhood, your household, your family, your workplace... etc.

As to the "Sorry", same thing I tell the kids "If you're sorry you will NOT do it again."
Does it again then you know it was intentional, doesn't give a crap about your feelings (or in case of kids rules) and/or doesn't give a fig about the consequences/thinks it's worth it.

My DH has made plans with friends and forgotten to tell me, and I end up sitting home alone/with kids... bad communication.
I've gotten my hopes up, Nana swung by and 'kidnapped' the kids randomly, for when DH gets home only he's achy and miserable... so we stay in.
Other times we plan to go out, then make ourselves miserable because neither of us really want any particular food/movie/etc, homebodies we are... so we get takeout and read.
Still other times we plan, go out and have a grand time.

Up Down Left Right Catty Cornered and Chaotic... such is life. If you're frowning more that you're smiling, things need to change, internally or externally.
But if the smile lines and eye crinkles far outweigh the frowny lines then have a soak in the tub, maybe grab a book, some tunes and just recharge.

 

[Dunkopf]

Quote:
He knows how you feel now. He knows he screwed up. Don't drag the cold shoulder out too long. The result will be that he will find a warm shoulder in the form of his buddy. As a man it is real easy to get resentful when you screw up the courage to give a real heart felt apology and your wife just continues with the cold shoulder. Then you go to your buddies house have a few beers and the buddy cheers you up and the wife is no longer on the front burner. The buddy says screw it she'll get over it. In his heart he really wants to give you a big warn hug and have everything be ok again.

Every time something like this happens it puts a chink in the relationship. A continued cold shoulder just makes the chink deeper and harder to fill in. He deserves some cold shoulder and he knows it. If you stretch it out too long, it will do damage.

Forget your dating days. Those were over when you said "I do". That's why the first year of marriage is so hard. If you're honest with yourself you know that you changed too.

Accept his apology in a day or two and let him know it better not happen again. Tell him he better not even call to ask.

 

[redhen]

Quote:
GREAT idea! Go to your friends house and have a good time!

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Quote:
I never thought of it this way, but I did pretty much get him two jobs, that he didn't want.. Money is really tight around here, I can't just give him money cause he will spend it.. Although I never looked at it form his pov.. In the summer, the role is reversed and he doesn't give me money..

As a married couple, you need to have a common mutually agreed upon financial plan and goals. You also each need a specified amount of funds to spend as you like, without feeling like you will get in trouble for doing so. In many (porbably most) couples, one person is better at managing the business side of marriage, but there is a difference in managing and being the sole or even primary decision maker. Anyone who does not feel they have an equal say in a marriage will feel less than an adult, and can come to resent the role into which they have been subjucated.

You two really need some alone time, and that can be with the kids in bed or sitting in front of an appropriate movie with all their likely needs anticipated: food drinks, etc. while you and dh really talk about your marriage and lives. Yes, you could go to marriage counseling, but you need to talk first and see how far apart you are--it may be only a step or two, or it could be that you two are on entirely different continents as far as goals and directions.

 

[Steve_of_sandspoultry]

and I think next weekend I may go to a girlfriends for the weekend.. He can stay home with the kids..

I was going to ask what he would say if the shoe was on the other foot. Going out on a limb here my bet would be not happy

When the kids were at home Sharon and I had our Friday night - end of the work week relaxation time. Every couple needs that time.

Steve​

 

[Chickerdoodle13]

I'm not married and don't have much experience in the dating department either, BUT I'm a pretty forgiving person. Even though I get ticked off at someone for something terrible they may have done, I have a hard time holding a grudge. It gets easier to forgive the older I get. Don't get me wrong, I don't let people walk all over me either. I always make sure I learn something from the experience and then I'll try to talk things out with the person. I HATE staying mad and every time I get upset at someone, a few days later I end up wondering why the heck I was mad at them in the first place.

It sounds like you tried to talk things out with him already, but you were not happy with the results. Try talking to him again. Tell him exactly how you feel and that you hope it doesn't happen again. Give him a chance to tell you what he may be feeling too. Let him know that you want to work things out and that he can come to you if he feels like there are issues in the relationship, just as you are doing. Don't blame and be negative, just air your feelings and why you feel that way. As soon as you point fingers (in any sort of relationship) it usually just shuts the other person down.

Is there anyway you could hire a babysitter to come watch the kids for a few hours? I know some are more expensive, but you could certainly find a babysitter for $7 an hour. Talk to some of your friends and see who they recommend. Or if you can't afford that, could you ask a friend to watch them for you for a bit? Perhaps in return you could watch their kids one night. Then plan out your events for the night WITH your husband. Write the date on your calendar, on notes, or whatever it takes.

As others have said, guys just don't see things the way girls do. We tend to drag out our feelings and over analyze EVERYTHING. It really only hurts us in the end. You could stay angry at a guy forever and they just won't get it. You basically have to write it on a giant, fluorenscent orange sign in very bold letters for them to get it...and even then they probably won't get it. That's not a bad thing...its just sometimes I think us women expect guys to think like us and they rarely do! Then again, sometimes I think about why I get angry and I realize it doesn't even make sense to me. I can't imagine it would make sense to anyone else!

 

[noodleroo]

Oh dear...

I think I hear something in your words; 'two jobs he didn't want', 'can't give him money because he will spend it' and 'he doesn't give me money' have a familiar ring to them that makes me think there may have been problems before you married him. If so, do not expect him to change (or expect to change him) now, just because you are married and have children. Don't put yourself in a downward spiral of depression with 'if he loved me enough, he would do so-and-so'... Or, 'if he would just______, then we would be happy...."

People either grow together or they grow apart. It is a conscious effort if you want to grow together; an effort on BOTH of your parts. You can't 'make' him want to do anything; it's up to him.

I have a firm belief that happiness is a skill. You should not depend on anyone else to make you happy. Find your own happiness, cultivate and nuture it and learn to share it.

If he has a problem with sharing with you (his time or his money), you may have some serious work to do on salvaging your relationship. It all depends on what you both want. Remember, you can't want it for him...

 

[chicks4kids]

He said he was sorry...if you treat him like crap, he may never say it again-then you'll be even madder than you are now!

I think going out on a girls night out is a fantastic idea!! Let him feed, bathe, and put the kids in bed. Then let him sit there at home. Go out and enjoy yourself-just because the two of you are married does NOT mean that you can't go out with your friends...if it does then there's more to this argument than him just going to his buddies house. I hope you can get it worked out.