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Sort of freaked out

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by I have WHAT in my yard?, Aug 18, 2011.

  1. I have WHAT in my yard?

    I have WHAT in my yard? Songster

    Jun 24, 2008
    Eggberg, PA
    A woman I have known for four years told me today that her husband of 23 years simply walked out on her. And took all of their money out of the accounts. And he hadn't paid the mortgage or the kids tuition. And he moved in with another woman. [​IMG] [​IMG]

    She is pole axed.

    23 years and 6 children. She's a part time minister. She doesn't make anything like enough money to support them.

    She has a good support network who will help her, and she is smart strong and resilient. But....

    How can a man do that?

    The first thing DH said when he heard was , "I would never ever do that to you." He knew I would be freaked out.

    Women make decisions that undermine their careers to stay home with the kids, to move with their spouses (this couple have moved repeatedly for his career) only to have him turn on them?? [​IMG]

    Clearly there is alot going on here. But, leaving her and the kids so financially vulnerable. How could he? She found out the house is in foreclosure, he had dropped her and their older kids from both his medical and car insurance. She will demand that back in court, but right this minute they are not covered.... [​IMG]

    I am just stunned.

  2. ChickInDelight

    ChickInDelight Never an Empty Nest

    Apr 27, 2011
    Browntown, VA
    I find I never have to look far to find someone less fortunate than me.

    My husband walked out on me and 3 kids after 20 years. He took all possessions - we had not a knife or plate; he left me all the debt. He was only stable enough to pay a small amount of child support for less than a year - and I mean SMALL amount. At one point, after nearly killing me and my eldest daughter (on separate occasions), I had to get a legal protection order.

    Wow - your neighbor owned a home? She had money in accounts? The kids must be in good schools if they require tuition. How very fortunate she is! Since she is a minister, I am sure she is counting her blessings. Are all six chiclren healthy? What more could a person want?

    I raised my kids scrambling to not be homeless and hungry. I own nothing but a couple old cars parked in the driveway.

    I consider myself to be EXTREMELY fortunate. My oldest 2 girls have each thanked me for the wonderful upbringing I have given them - alone - without husband or any family or community support. Those girls now hold jobs and attend the local university (where I graduated) while living with me and my younger son. My non-working X is a welcome guest in our home.

    I believe if you glance out your window again, you will see that your neighbor's glass is half full - not half empty. [​IMG]
  3. Acre of Blessings

    Acre of Blessings Canning/Sewing Addict

    Apr 3, 2008
    Axton, VA
    the devil is good at what he does and this will become more common as time goes on. He is out to tear down the family structure and so goes the family, so goes the church.

    I would be sorta stunned myself, but I am a stay at home mom that would move to the Jungles if my husband asked....

    I am sure she would have to ........ sorta blind-sided she was. Well, I hope the other lady realizes that if he would leave his wife of 23 years and 6 kids that he would dump her in a new york

    minute. Some women...Some men....only out to tear up what has been joined for so many years. My heart goes out to her and her kids but by Gods grace she will find the strength to carry on.
  4. duck walk

    duck walk Songster

    Jun 13, 2009
    white springs, fl
    my beloved spouse walked on me after gutting the bank accounts, canceling all insurances...I got all the debt...it took me over ten years to get my nose above water...that was just recently, the nose above water...had it not been for my dogs and my duckies and goslings, my chickens...I probably would have lost my mind...all my children were grown and gone so I was alone with it all...all my family is far away...I did have and still have a few good friends...now my one son lives just down the road with his wonderful wife...I am not having a pity party or anything...it just amazes me how people can do stuff like this to one another...it is very sad...I hope all goes well and recovery and survival is flowing over this most recent unfortunate family...
  5. I have WHAT in my yard?

    I have WHAT in my yard? Songster

    Jun 24, 2008
    Eggberg, PA
    I just talked to some one else about this IRL and was stunned yet again. The woman I was talking to blamed the whole thing on the wife. Not saying she had any part of cheating or anything but, "She should have known better. She should have taken better care of herself. She must not have been giving him what he needed."

    I was - and am - incensed! [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]

    When I left my first husband I left him half of everything and his dignity (there hadn't been much of that.) I was angry and hurt at him, but I never would have left him destitute. And I cannot comprehend men who leave their kids and wives like this. ChickInDelight' s story is a wonderful lesson, but I am assuming your X must have had some mental health issue or something that let you forgive him??

    I suspect this friend's soon to be X has something going on too, but it sure doesn't look like it right now.

    Really, if not mental health break down what possesses a man to do this??
  6. ChickInDelight

    ChickInDelight Never an Empty Nest

    Apr 27, 2011
    Browntown, VA
    Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. Think about it.

    Yes, my story is about that dreaded disease from which people run from like the plague- mental illness.

    Likely, the other woman in the neighbor's story is not to blame - but just someone to ease the transition for the husband. Marriages end. It is sad. I believe in one marriage for a lifetime. Most of the people with whom I work are in arranged marriages, barely meeting their spouse before the wedding, yet they are happy and secure. Both my husband and I thought we were lifers until the very moment it all ended - and I begged him to stay with his family until he felt better. No one should decide in a moment to leave his best friend / spouse.

    I see a happy ending in my life, and I see a happy ending in the neighbor's life. Everything always works out for the best! May the children thrive.

    What happened to my family was what was best for all. My girls pay for their own tuition at the University. I did the same. What strength and independance comes to children that do the same. I never respected snot-nosed kids that went to party in the dorms on mommy and daddy's money.

    The neighbor children shall take away something good from this experience. All will be stronger. When they find happiness, they will have it all.
  7. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

    May 19, 2008
    Western MA
    Can she get alimony??
    What a jerk..
    * I watch too many CSI shows.... I'd make sure the life ins was paid up...*
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2011

  8. guinea fowl galore

    guinea fowl galore Songster

    May 12, 2009
    This is exactly why women should have control over all the money/bank accounts. There are way too many women with husbands who take all the money and leave or who take the money slowly, putting it in their secret accounts then leave.
  9. debilorrah

    debilorrah The Great Guru of Yap Premium Member

    That happened to Ken, and she was in charge of the bank accounts. He had been depositing his checks thinking she was paying all the bills. He came one day to an empty house. No furniture, no dishes, no towels, NOTHING. And a mailbox full of notices that nothing but utilities had been paid in over a year.

    It is important for couples to discuss, often, financial issues. Not that it would stop someone from cleaning out the accounts, but at least you can be aware of what is owed and being paid out.
  10. SarahFair

    SarahFair Songster

    Sep 23, 2008
    Monroe, Ga
    Im left pretty vulnerable but I trust the SO.
    Hed never leave me in such a situation.

    Im SHOCKED he cleared the banks and left her with nothing but a foreclosed house! [​IMG]

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