"Southernisms" and the Southern Lady

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by amystours, Apr 21, 2008.

  1. amystours

    amystours Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Feb 23, 2008
    Alexandria, Louisiana
    This is a little long, but I thought it was hilarious! It's so TRUE!!! (Just ask Yogi with his "sweet milk")!!!

    SOUTHERN WOMEN

    Southern women appreciate their natural assets:
    Clean skin. A winning smile.
    That unforgettable Southern drawl.

    Southern women know their manners:
    "Yes, ma'am."
    "Yes, sir."
    "Why, no, Billy!"

    Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions :
    "Y'all come back!"
    "Well, bless your heart."
    "Drop by when you can."
    "How's your Momma?"

    Southern women know their summer weather report:
    Humidity
    Humidity
    Humidity

    Southern women know their vacation spots:
    The beach
    The rivuh
    The crick

    Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August:
    Colorful hi-heel sandals
    Strapless sun dresses
    Iced sweet tea with mint

    Southern women know everybody's first name:
    Honey
    Darlin'
    Shugah

    Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
    Fried Green Tomatoes
    Driving Miss Daisy
    Steel Magnolias
    Gone With The Wind

    Southern women know their religions:
    Baptist
    Methodist
    Football

    Southern women know their country breakfasts:
    Red-eye gravy
    Grits
    Eggs
    Country ham
    Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly

    Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
    Chawl'stn
    S'vanah
    Foat Wuth
    N'awlins
    Addlanna

    Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
    Men in uniform.
    Men in tuxedos
    Rhett Butler

    Southern girls know their prime real estate:
    The Mall
    The Country Club
    The Beauty Salon

    Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
    Having bad hair and nails
    Having bad manners
    Cooking bad food

    More Suthen-ism's:

    Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
    _____

    Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
    _____

    Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
    _____

    Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, ... as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
    _____

    Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
    _____

    All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
    _____

    Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
    _____

    Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
    _____

    Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
    _____

    No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
    _____

    A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
    _____

    Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, . and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody!
    _____

    Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
    _____

    In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.
    _____

    Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
    _____

    Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
    _____

    When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
    _____

    Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
    _____

    And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart".. and go your own way.
    _____

    To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
    _____
    And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, . bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
    _____

    And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."
     
  2. EweSheep

    EweSheep Flock Mistress

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    Jan 12, 2007
    Land of Lincoln
    [​IMG]
     
  3. eggzettera

    eggzettera Chillin' With My Peeps

    Quote:That's my favorite I am a true Notherner.....I know & understand cold.....
     
  4. amystours

    amystours Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Feb 23, 2008
    Alexandria, Louisiana
    Quote:I get cold if it gets below 70....[​IMG]
     
  5. MRNpoultry

    MRNpoultry Chillin' With My Peeps

    Mar 2, 2008
    Gibsonville, NC
    Everybody in my family is southern then.
    You mind if I email this to my friend?
     
  6. speckledhen

    speckledhen Intentional Solitude Premium Member

    Ah, the true Southerner! A dying breed. That accent hangs on like a pitbull no matter how long you're away from home, too, LOL...just not as thick or deep, but really easy to fall back into when you get around "your people".
     
  7. 2 Beauts

    2 Beauts Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Mar 8, 2008
    Virginia
    A Southerner knows the difference between a Yankee and a darn Yankee.


    A Yankee comes for a visit, a damne Yankee comes and stays![​IMG]
     
  8. MRNpoultry

    MRNpoultry Chillin' With My Peeps

    Mar 2, 2008
    Gibsonville, NC
    When I was in public school everyone picked on me because, they said I was to country and had a southren accent.
     
  9. amystours

    amystours Chillin' With My Peeps

    289
    0
    139
    Feb 23, 2008
    Alexandria, Louisiana
    Quote:This came to me through email from one of my friends, it's been forwarded to her, so I'm just forwarding it along...I take absolutely no credit for it!!! Forward away!
     
  10. MRNpoultry

    MRNpoultry Chillin' With My Peeps

    Mar 2, 2008
    Gibsonville, NC
    Quote:This came to me through email from one of my friends, it's been forwarded to her, so I'm just forwarding it along...I take absolutely no credit for it!!! Forward away!

    Thanks
     

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