I know I should be thankful that I get to stay at home and raise my kids but I am just in this awful rut. I use to be the model stay at home mom. One that always had a spotless house made cookies for the kids loved to garden but now I feel like all the joy has been sucked out of my life.
Im feeling sorry for myself, I know, but I just cant stop..
I dont really know how to fix it.
I just want to
I dont have a hard life at all. Throw some laundry in the wash, fold it, dishes, vacuum this room vacuum that room, feed people, scrub a toilet..
Frankly Ive gotten myself into such a pitty party I hardly do any of that anymore except feed the family. Use to when it came to dinner time I cooked things from scratch.. Now its frozen dinners that I try putting off on my SO..
I use to do a lot of exercising and keep rather fit but now I just dont even care to do it (though I do care at the same time..). Im gaining weight slowly but surely... I just cant seem to find the time during my daily PP to exercise anymore.
I feel just awful when my SO has to come home to a dirty house. I use to vacuum 3x a week a sweep and mop the floors several times. I use to be on top of dishes and now they pile up so high sometimes Im afraid to even walk into the kitchen because it makes me feel like Im a failure.
My relationship with my kids are going down hill. I just seem to be putting them in time outs more and more. I dont want my bad attitude about life to rub off on them.
I find myself yelling just to yell because it makes me feel better during the time Im screaming but just stresses me out more in the end.
Im afraid I have gone down such a dark path Ill never find my way back. I dont know where to start.
At times Im on my hands and knees crying and begging the Lord to help me through these times..
I dont know what to do.