Stay at Home Mom or Back to Work?

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by Patchofheaven, Jan 30, 2008.

  1. Patchofheaven

    Patchofheaven Songster

    Jul 18, 2007
    Conroe, TX
    I'm really having a hard time making up my mind on this and could use some support from my chicken friends...

    3 years ago just after I married my husband, I/We decided that I didn't have to work anymore, that I could stay home and be a mom to my now 12 and 16 year old sons. We live a very simple lifestyle, 4 people on a modest $27,000 income, we also had child support and a nice nest egg for emergencies and dreams. But it's enough to enjoy life as a family.

    Last March, my ex-husband was laid-off from his job and also spent 3 months in jail - since then we have not been receiving child support payments and unfortunately we had started to depend on those payments. 3 years ago we used most of our nest egg to add-on to our house and purchase 2 adjoining acres.

    I love being a stay-at-home mom. I now have the freedom to really bond with my boys and my husband. I don't want to give all of this up, but right now money is the issue. We have cutback in so many ways, but there always seems to be an increase in the electricity, gas prices rising, needing a new backpack for school, baseball sign ups, fundraisers, etc... I could go on forever.

    I know now, what I missed out on while I was working and I know that I will never get that back. But at the same time, I feel so selfish for not wanting to go back to work to help build our nest egg and take some of the burden off of my husband's shoulders. He swears that we will be fine if I continue staying home, but I know better...

    Sorry so long, this is just weighing really heavy right now and I could use some support.
  2. Redfeathers

    Redfeathers Songster

    Oct 11, 2007
    Gervais OR

    I'm sorry you are struggling, I prefer to stay home as well, there are always ways to make money from home, you can sell some items on ebay, or do daycare from home or evening care for the parents that work at night. There are other possibilities such as Avon or something like that, or just work part time, you might actually enjoy it.

    I hope things get better soon.
  3. nccountrygirl

    nccountrygirl Songster

    Jul 31, 2007
    Sanford N.C.
    Is there any way to get a job where you could still stay at home, maybe phone sales or something similar. I wish you much luck in your decision.
  4. Pinenot

    Pinenot Songster

    Sep 11, 2007
    I stay at home, but I also have my own business working part time as a beauty consultant. I love it because I can go and hold a class for a bunch of women and make money in just a couple of hours and then they run out of product and reorder from me and all I have to do is drop it off to them. I decide how many hours I want to work and when. It might be something you could do too. I just can't leagally tell you what company I work for on a forum. You can PM me.
    If it were me, I would stay at home.
  5. Buff Hooligans

    Buff Hooligans Scrambled

    Jun 11, 2007
    Well, I've never had the choice to stay home - I've worked full time non-stop for 26 years now, with no end in sight. And we live in a small house, drive used cars and have never taken an exotic vacation.

    You have a tough decision, because your kids will be fledged in five or so years... But if they are good kids, and not in danger from unwise peer pressure or dangerous friends, perhaps they will learn a respect for working women/moms, and be proud of you. It might actually be good for them, a growing experience for them.

    The good thing is that you won't have to deal with your salary swallowed up by childcare, which is a no-win situation if ever I heard one...

    Best of luck deciding. You sound like a very caring, thoughtful person and a loving mom and wife.
  6. lizardz

    lizardz Songster

    Jul 18, 2007
    Grass Valley, CA
    Hi PatchofHeaven,
    I can somewhat relate to what you're going through. I, too, stayed home with our son, who is now 16. I truly enjoyed those years at home and being able to help out with his school, as well as other volunteer work. I just last year went back to work, part-time. I find that I am enjoying getting out and meeting new people and. of course, the money helps, too. It is allowing our son some freedom, which he desires at 16, and is also making him step up and be responsible for making sure his homework is done, as well as specific chores around the house that I no longer have the time to do. He has always had chores, but now there are more and more is expected of him. He has some time at home alone, but usually not a lot. On a whole, I think it is working out well for all of us, although it has been a big adjustment for everyone as I am not available at the drop of a hat to pick him up if he misses the bus or to run errands for my hubby. I must say that I am fortunate in that my job allows me a lot of flexibility to create my own hours, as long as I get in my 50 hrs every two weeks.

    If you truly need the money, I would suggest seeing if you could find a part-time job that would still allow you time to spend with the boys or create some kind of job that allows you to work the hours you want. Know, also, that this does not have to be a permanent thing - when finances turn around, you could always go back to being a full-time mom if you want.

    Sorry this is so long. I know it's a tough decision to make. Good luck.

  7. debashan

    debashan Songster

    Aug 11, 2007
    Oquawka, IL
    I always felt very fortunate to be a stay at home mom,especially nowadays. My children are now young adults. They grew into well-educated, well-adjusted and lovely contributions to society. I often thought if money were to become an issue, to still be able to be home, maybe babysitting or housekeeping when they are in school. Good Luck
  8. newnanchic

    newnanchic Songster

    Jan 3, 2008
    Newnan, Georgia
    I have 2 boys now 3 and 7 I had no choice when the oldest was born except to WORK!!!! After the youngest was born I still went back to work , when he was 1 year old I QUIT!!!!! I will never regret it I can not get back the times I missed with my oldest but .... I will not miss anything else!!!!!
  9. MissPrissy

    MissPrissy Crowing

    May 7, 2007
    Forks, Virginia
    If you really want to stay at home find ways to make the budget stretch so you can do so comfortably without guilt.

    You could start a garden and really spend those daytime work hours putting it into growing your own food and preserving what you don't immediately eat. It is coming up on spring really soon. get your plants started NOW so they can go out ASAP and become fruitful faster. You do not need a huge plot to have a really big producing garden.

    Add a few more hens and increase the eggs in your diet. Yes, feed costs money but the protein and nutrients of eggs is almost perfect. Eat more eggs! There are TONS of recipes for really good foods with eggs as the main ingredient. Even try one meal per week without meat - use beans and or tofu.

    Put on a sweater and socks, turn down the heat a few degrees and save that energy money for when everyone is home together in the evening. Close off rooms you don't use daily and don't heat them.

    Try to do all of your errands in one big errand day. If you have to map it out and make it a full circle and get it all done with one trip and save on buying gas for your car/truck.

    Cook at home. Stay away from frozen prepackaged foods (you know heat and serve). You do not get the nutrients/dollar that you get from cooking fresh foods. Shop the perimeter of the grocery store and stay out of the center of the store.

    If you get the paper, clip coupons. For things you buy all the time check their website for freebies and coupons and give aways.

    I have been there and it is an aweful feeling! I am so fortunate that I don't have to work outside our home now. I have always had to work and leave my children in other's care. When my 10 yr old was born I decided that I wasn't going to let someone else raise my children. I took a job driving a school bus and she got to ride along with me. It was part time hours with full time benefits, no weekends and summers off with pay. I homeschooled my oldest at the same time.

    It is those things listed above that made the extra money in the budget.

    When I married my husband 4 years ago it was the first time I had never had to work at a job. I almost didn't know what to do with myself. I was so accustomed to working every day away from home. For the first time in my life I am able to do what I have always wanted to do - stay home, raise my kids and not feel guilty about it.

    Good luck. I wish you well. When you decide what is best for you and your family don't feel guilty about it. We all have to do what we have to do in this world to provide for our family.
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2008
  10. Omeletta

    Omeletta Songster

    Jun 12, 2007
    Alberta, Canada
    I stay at home, as well, and even if I wanted to change it and go to work , my DH has said that I better be able to make enough to support the family, cuz he would then be a stay at home Dad. We have 4 daughters, 13, 11, 7, and 6. We feel it important if possible to stay home with them. I commend you for doing so on a tight budget! Good job, mom!

    If you absolutely feel you need to help, sit down with DH and talk about some possibilities. Together you should be able to think of something that allows you to still mother your boys when they are home from school.

    I sure hope you can come up with a solution that helps financially, and allows you the freedom to be there for your boys! Taxi service to and from baseball, with free cheerleading thrown in, is nothing to scoff at! You GO, MOM!


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