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Still Supporting Adult Children

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by Capvin, Oct 20, 2011.

  1. Capvin

    Capvin Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Apr 13, 2011
    Lake Placid, FL
    We all know that the general economy just stinks and jobs may be hard to come by and young people just starting off may be having financial difficulties. I am retired and have three children. The oldest two are doing very well and I have not had to help them out financially since they were in college. My youngest is 29 and is struggling financially to make a go of a business that I think has some very real and good potential and as a result, I am providing substantial financial support for her every month now for quite a while. I was wondering how many others have found themselves in the same position of having to financially support their adult children for one reason or another. Please be clear, I am not looking for any advise, I am really curious how widespread this type of situation is now.
     
  2. Okla-doodle-doo

    Okla-doodle-doo Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Dec 8, 2008
    Portland,Tn
    We had to support the wifes son after a failed marriage,job loss, and decision to go back to school. He just about bankrupted us and our reward is now he won't even talk to us because we finally said we had no more to give. I know you said you diodn't want advise but I must say, please don't go any further with his help. He is an adult and needs to either sink or swim. He will surprise you and swim when he thinks he is finally going to sink! Its called tough love and I wish we had done it.
     
  3. conny63malies

    conny63malies Overrun With Chickens

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    Mar 22, 2008
    Annetta Kentucky
    my husbands ex wife managed to allow the two oldest to get pregnant before they were married and then married off... now the oldest has two kids and his seperated. Nope we wont support them . The made the mess now take care of it yourself.
    WE got three minor children that need us .
     
  4. darkmatter

    darkmatter Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Jul 10, 2009
    Quote:Yes, it seems that those you helped when their own friends were unable will bad talk you afterwards---I will never help out another parasite relative. I have one that spent their whole life mooching from one sucker to the next sucker til everyone shut their doors to him.
     
  5. Capvin

    Capvin Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Apr 13, 2011
    Lake Placid, FL
    I want to be a bit clearer...Even though it puts a bit of a financial strain on me (I am retired) I do not have a problem in supporting my daughter for a while in order to give her a chance to either make it with this business or not. She sincerely shows her gratitude and works about 18 hours each day, seven days a week. I agree that it can not go on indefinately, but for now I feel obligated to continue so that there will never be a doubt in the future that she was given every chance to succeed.
     
  6. Southernbelle

    Southernbelle Gone Broody

    Mar 17, 2008
    Virginia
    I'm in my mid-30's and been married and on our own for over 12 years. I'm one of 6 kids and DH is one of 4, out of all our siblings, DH and I are the only ones who have never gone back to our parents for help or support.

    Most of the time, it was one of our siblings who just needed some money once or twice and never asked again, but in my family, some of my siblings just keep going back. They've made some really poor decisions (especially my youngest sister) and as a result, I don't think my father will ever be able to retire. It makes me so angry that they've worked so hard all their lives and will be working until they die and that they've raised 6 kids and are helping to raise their grandchildren, when they should be enjoying a quiet life.

    What's probably going to end up happening is that DH and I will have to support our parents after they've been sucked dry by our siblings. Sad, sad, sad. [​IMG]
     
  7. Davian

    Davian Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Sep 8, 2010
    Vermont, USA
    My brother-in-law is 35 and living with his father. His wife is living there too and they're both unemployed. He's hinted several times that he'd just LOVE to live with us in our home (we have 2 extra bedrooms) but I've made it very abundently clear that I'm not his parent and I will not be supporting him in that way EVER.

    My brother didnt permanently leave the nest until he was 27. He's 36 now with a wife and kids and is normal...it just took him a while toget there.

    I left the moment I graduated HS and never looked back.


    The fact that she's working and working hard is a great sign though.
     
  8. SarahBeth9394

    SarahBeth9394 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Aug 23, 2008
    Does she have a proper business plan? If you are supporting her business venture with monthly contributions then she either has a very bad business plan or not much of one at all. There's a point where she has to either to make that plan work, not make it her livelyhood (do something else to support herself until the business is anchored), or accept that the venture is a failure. Somehow I doubt her business plan included having a parent help foot the bill. So at the very least she needs to get that business plan worked out and run the business like a business which means not going to you for help.
     
  9. Davian

    Davian Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Sep 8, 2010
    Vermont, USA
    I have one that spent their whole life mooching from one sucker to the next sucker til everyone shut their doors to him.

    I have a relative in law that managed to convince his 80 year old grandmother to mail all her good jewelry to him which he promptly pawned and then used the money on drugs. She's at the point where she doesn't understant 100% what is going on and asks other family members if he ever got the package as he claimed he didnt after the fact. He's a real POS basically. Every family has at least one.​
     
  10. fuzziebutt

    fuzziebutt Chillin' With My Peeps

    Mar 9, 2009
    Winfield
    Quote:That is fantastic that you are doing this. I will help anyone that is trying to help themselves. While she's working, have you looked into a small business grant or loan? The govt is almost giving money away for businesses trying to start up.
     

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