Stop wishing and start living

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by silkhope, Jul 15, 2008.

  1. silkhope

    silkhope Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Apr 30, 2007
    Pittsboro, NC
    Something I wrote... just wanted to share.

    Stop wishing and start living


    As I was redoing my profile on MySpace I thought, Lord, here we are approaching our 11th wedding anniversary and we have a rising fourth grader who will be nine soon. I really want to know where all the time went.

    I remember the day it hit me that Brian was my soul mate (I still know that he is). I remember our wedding day; we were 21 years old. I remember finding out we were pregnant 15 months later (SURPRISE!!!) and then buying our first house three months before Sara was born. I remember countless softball games and cheering Brian on from the stands and traveling all over tarnation to get to those games/tournaments, stinky vans with smelly men and long trips with a baby. I remember all of Sara's firsts and now am amazed and wonder where she got her beautiful singing voice, her artistic ability, her gorgeous blonde hair and her spirited personality (I know where she gets her strong will from!)

    I also remember wishing time away. Wishing it were Friday or payday, wishing it were Summer already, then wishing it were Fall because I was so sick of it being hot. Wishing Sara would walk, then wishing she would sit still. Wishing softball season was over, wishing Brian didn't work so much, wishing Sara would start school so daycare payments would end, wishing for bigger, better and more. Just wishing my life away. Now I wish for a lot of it back.

    One of the days I will never forget is the day Brian was diagnosed with ALS. Now I wish softball were neverending and he could still play, five nights a week and weekends if he wanted. Wishing he could still work. I get angry with myself that I hollered for him and Sara to stop rough housing and being so loud; now I wish he could hang her upside down, spin her around, or have tickle fights on the couch and floor, no matter how rough they got.

    I believe that God puts you in situations and lets you make choices. There is a reason I chose the job I did two and a half years ago (I work with his doctor that made the diagnosis and can call on him every day if I want). There is a reason we didn't have a second child. There is a reason why Brian stuck it out thru the rough times at the dealership, when it was sold a bazillion times, because he made true friends that will do ANYTHING for him today. There is a reason we bought this house, after skipping over it time and time again and thinking, nah, it's probably not right, but six months later God sent us neighbors we couldn't live without. But I still haven't figured out the "reason" Brian developed this horrible disease. Was it for me to realize my strength? My true friends? Test our marriage? Was it for me to learn how people feel about Brian and how a LOT of people think the world of him? Because all of those things have become apparent to us/me now.

    I realized a few weeks ago while we were on vacation at the lake house that this will be the last summer Brian will enjoy just being with us, just going places, doing things we love, so I decided to take the rest of the summer off from work, pull Sara out of camp and just live. Whether it's here at home, at the beach or at the lake, doesn't matter. We're all together, doing whatever we want, and time is going a bit slower. For that, I can't be thanfkul enough.

    Thanks for letting me share [​IMG]
     
  2. FloridaChickenChick

    FloridaChickenChick Chillin' With My Peeps

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    May 23, 2008
    Lake County, Florida
    Ashley, you and your family are in my prayers. Sometimes the answer is just to lean on God and let him worry about the "why".
     
  3. SundownWaterfowl

    SundownWaterfowl Overrun With Chickens

    I am so sorry about your husband. It sounds like you 2 have had an amazing life together. Good Luck with everything. Your story reminded me to just live, and always be thankful for what I have. [​IMG]
     
  4. robinaggie

    robinaggie Flew the Coop

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    May 25, 2008
    Texas
    You have a gift for writing. Perhaps keeping a journal and sharing with others to inspire them to live every day to its fullest is the why. Maybe there is no answer to your why. But sharing your experiences will no doubt touch a lot of lives. I wish you and your family peace. [​IMG]
     
  5. Biddieacres

    Biddieacres Chillin' With My Peeps

    Mar 31, 2008
    Wow, thanks for sharing. I am so sorry to hear of your husbands diagnosis. I am at the point of wishing for baseball to end and school to begin etc. maybe I should stop wishing and start living as well. Thank you.
     
  6. Frogdogtimestwo

    Frogdogtimestwo Chillin' With My Peeps

    May 21, 2008
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    Last edited: Jul 19, 2008
  7. wishin4chicken

    wishin4chicken Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Jun 20, 2008
    Hayden Lake, Idaho
    Your message is very touching. Thank you for sharing it with all of us. This year my older daughter turned 31...how did that happen? [​IMG] Time slips by so very quickly. This is one of my favorite quotes:

    “One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.”

    It's one I'm really trying to live by. Enjoy "this" day with your family. My prayers are with you.

    Michele.
     
  8. ruth

    ruth Life is a Journey

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    Jul 8, 2007
    Woodville, MS
    Ashley - thank you for sharing your story with us. It made me stop and think and give thanks for my many blessings. I will pray for you and Brian and Sara. May the Lord watch over you all and be with you every step of the way.
     
  9. nccountrygirl

    nccountrygirl Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jul 31, 2007
    Sanford N.C.
    Ashley, I'm so sorry Brian has the terrible Disease. My BIL died of ALS in 96 and I saw how it robbed him and my sister of their lives and their future. I pray the Lord will heal your very courageous husband and he will help you and Sara to be able to cope with it all....Laura
     
  10. silkhope

    silkhope Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Apr 30, 2007
    Pittsboro, NC
    Thanks everyone. I really appreciate it. It has been a hard year and a half.

    Laura, they're having a golf tournament/auction/dance for him in Sanford this weekend. You may or may not have heard of it. He used to work at Fred Anderson.
     

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