So i'm taking everyday one day at a time but just needed some place to get my thoughts in order and maybe get some input. This is my last semester of my Senior year and I am finding myself over whelmed. The first and biggest stress issue is School. our Student Government Association - SGA. I am the secretary and it just so happens a "really good friend" of mine is the President. Well even though she is a really good thing she is not doing her job as our President. All she seems to be able to do is complain about how she has better places to be and doesnt want to participate. She is in it for the Title basically and for it to look good on College transcripts. Me being me - I have kinda taken her job. I am now doing all the planning, organizing, conducting and calling the meeting of our members, getting ahold of organizations for volunteer work and fundraisers - EVerything. Since ive started taking the initiative she has become very hostile towards me and ive been told by numerous people that everytime i turn my back or leave the room she has a degrading or rude uncalled for comment to make about me. Im planning on confronting her but have been holding off because of my personality type. I am the type of person that is able to drop someone at the tip of a hat - but i am also a very forgiving person. I don't have alot of friends but instead alot of aquantiences ( sp?) and a few good friends. The list of good friends though has dwindled over the years and at the moment I have pretty much none. My first "best friend" turned on me when her girlfriend convinced her i was bad for her, yet i did nothing but stand by her as she went through an emotionally and mentally abusive home life. My next "best friend" got caught up with guys and the 'cool crowd' leaving me behind even when i was there for her when everyone else turned on her. I was even her 'body guard' for the few times she would sneak out to meet guys. They left with scars if they didnt get the message. The "BF" after that also had an abusive home life and ended up giving into drugs and running away, she now lives in a boarding school where she can have no contact with the outside world for 15 months. Then, the girl i thought who might be my next possible 'BF" is the president listed above.The few other just friends i had got crossed off the list for things like whats listed above or other more personal reasons. Ive learned that I can't really depend on alot of people. I can stand by them and have their back till the end of time but i cant depend on anyone but myself to get my own back. I'm used to being alone , used, or tossed to the side without warning but I am also used to standing up and making sure people understand that i'm not the kind of person who takes kindly to being walked over. I know ive done my fair share of wrongs but i strive everyday to live my life without lies or unhonest/unloyal ways. I Enlisted into the Marine Corps back in July and have based my character changes to reflect those morals that the USMC shines light on such an integrity, commitment, honor, and courage. The next thing that ive been stressed out about is i recently found out that both my parents have skin cancer. This information has only been shared with one of my friends who i know can keep their lips zipped and my recruiter. And now whoever is reading this. I leave in June for Basic training with the USMC and am leaving my younger sister for my parents to deal with. But finding out within a two week period that they BOTH have cancer? Its... wow. Its a little on the over whelming side. ANd they tell me its not a big deal and i know that its not so extreme as to need radiation and all that but... Well My mom is my hero. I look up to her in so many ways and she is such a strong woman. And now she has to go have cancer cut out of her face and back. Cut .out. of. her. face. I just dont know how thats going to effect her, if it leaves scars or anything and i worry for her because i love her so much. She's my mom. I have another 'friend' at school who has thyroid cancer. Problem is she likes to flaunt it. to everyone. ANd now that two of the most important people in my life have the big C.... It irritates me that she behaves this way. Technically she does NOT have Cancer anymore. It was all taken out back when she was in elementary school. SO when she goes on and on about how she has it , it really just drives me up the wall. SHe does it for the attention and sympathy. She is also not a very .... good person. SHe also like to 'flaunt' her 'christian' actions and beliefs yet runs around with a different guy pretty much each week to two weeks. And I know she does this because of self esteem issues and her feeling of not wanting to be alone or that she needs a guy to make her happy. Ive tried helping her out but she does not listen to anyone that thinks differently than herself. SHe is another girl who likes to degrade me behind my back even though ive stood beside her whenever she needed me. My third stressed out issue is the Marine Corps. I am so Excited. I know this is the right choice to start my life off with and i am so ready to be in shape and learn everything that needs to be known before bootcamp. But Ive had alot of adults take notice of my work and efforts and although its nice to know they care it feels like such a burden, They tell me how they have high hopes and expectations and i dont want to let them down. I want to be more than they expect, i dont want to dissappoint them. ALot of the people i have a GREAT respect for. I mean a HUGE respect for. ANd others are retired Marines who have taken a liking to me or family members. I will do my best to work hard but I just feel like anytime i'm not improving on something that im not doing my job. That because everyone keeps monitoring my progress that if im not getting something accomplished somehow im not working hard enough. Im just so afraid of dissappointing or failing these people. And although im getting over it a little i just feel like there is this huge burden on my shoulders. Then there goes my recent self esteem attacks. I got my hair cut short, about chin length since its easier to work out with. Well my most recent haircut was done by a lady that will NEVER do my hair again. Now that its a little grown out it looks decent. Well ive never been a girly girl. Ive always been the tomboy running around in the mud in boots and swimtrunks. And even though Im a little curvy im lacking in the.. ahem.. chest area. So recently whenever i go in public, if im wearing a jacket.... I get " Sir". "young man". "Guy in the hoodie". ANd it sucks. I dont wear make up because to me its not practical. True, i am good looking when i wear it but its just not something thats important to me . I work out everyday and im not here to impress people - but it sucks when complete strangers all over your city mistake you for a guy. And last time i checked im a girl. I know its not their fault that i dont strive to wear more feminine things or that i dont like make up or wearing tight clothing. Thats all my fault and my choice. But its just not a very good thing when i might have to start doing things i dont normally do just so i wont be mistaken for a male. Ive got a few smaller issues. My animals that im having to rehome still , my sister telling me how she hopes i die in the Marines, a recent break up, and some issues that go along with the lack of friends but these are the main points that just wont leave my mind. So thanks for reading I guess.