Teaching a 6 year old - Her friend telling her not to play with others

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by Nifty-Chicken, Oct 25, 2009.

  1. Nifty-Chicken

    Nifty-Chicken Administrator Staff Member

    My 6 year old daughter is in first grade (she's the one in my current pumpkin avatar). She has a lot of different friends, but lately she's just been playing with one girl. Turns out the girl told Alana, "I don't like when you play with other people. If you play with other kids I won't be your friend."

    Emily was thinking about talking to the girl, her parents, or the teacher. I thought Alana should handle it. She's a very smart and strong willed girl (a problem when she was younger, but I think an asset to her personally as she gets older) and I feel she can resolve this on her own with some help.

    I sat her down for a daddy daughter date and we talked about the friend. I asked her how she felt when the girl says the things she does, and Alana said it makes her sad. We talked some more and then I had a quick GREAT idea!!!

    Alana LOVES to pretend. She's always acting out parts from movies, so I said (in a very cheerful voice) "Hey, let's play a game where I pretend to be her and you be you, okay?

    Me: "Alana, I don't like it when you play with other people."

    Alana: "I'm your friend, but I want to play with my other friends too."

    Me: "Well, if you play with other people I won't be your friend!"

    Alana: "I'm sorry, I have to do the right thing."


    I gave her a HUGE hug and high-5. I told her that her last part (I'm sorry, do the right thing.) could be used for anything where someone asks her to do something she doesn't want or shouldn't do.

    It went so well that we tried a few others. "Alana, let's go hurt this animal." "Alana, let's go smoke some cigarettes" etc.

    She got so into it, she started making up her own: "Daddy, say: 'Alana, let's leave the school during recess and go to the park." So I did, and guess her reply:

    "Did the teacher say it is okay? Did your parents say it is okay? I'm sorry, I have to do the right thing!"

    Did I mention, 6 years old!! I figure if we do drills enough she'll be pretty set for many of the life changing things that comes her way. [​IMG]
  2. Hotwings

    Hotwings Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jan 27, 2007
    southwestern Michigan
    First of all I am no expert but I would wonder why the other little girlfriend would say this. Maybe she has no other friends and is afraid she will lose your daughter as a friend. Is this other little girl a dominate personality and sees your daughter as someone she can control. Maybe your daughter can add that they all play together. It is best for young children to play with many children, believe me I was one of those really shy kids growing up. Having just one best friend is better than no friend at all. Your daughter should encourage her to join others. Even though the times have changed since I was little I still think in some regards they are the same.
  3. deb1

    deb1 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jun 26, 2008
    Quote:Play acting out the scenarios with your child is a great idea. Sometimes in the spur of the moment, your brain goes dead because you are hit with the unexpected. You have helped your child a lot with some of the problems that might come up.
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2009
  4. halo

    halo Got The Blues

    Nov 22, 2007
    My Coop
    I can just imagine the emotions that ran thru you after that exchange...thrilled, proud, relieved! You and your wife have done a wonderful job with her, obviously she has learned well, and in this day and age, you can never be too careful.

    Well done!
  5. deb1

    deb1 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jun 26, 2008
    Quote:I don't know. I have daughters and is not an uncommon problem among girls. Some girls want their friend all to themselves. It is something that they have to work through.

    I am very, very shy also. But the girls that I remember who couldn't share their friends were usually a little dominant. At least that is how I remember it.
  6. Nifty-Chicken

    Nifty-Chicken Administrator Staff Member

    We're definitely going to try to balance out what is best for Alana while keeping this other girl in mind.

    I asked my wife and she thinks this other girl may have esteem problems. I don't want her dragging Alana down to build herself up. Maybe once I'm sure that Alana is again playing with other friends I'll feel comfortable with her including this other girl. On the other hand if this girl forces Alana to only have one friend by ditching all Alana's other friends (who are sweet nice girls and boys) then I'm not comfortable with that. Alana's at an age where she needs good social interaction and development that can only come with interaction with a plethora of personalities.
  7. teach1rusl

    teach1rusl Love My Chickens

    Actually, this is a really common issue among girls, from K up through 4th grade at least. I don't see it nearly as often with older kids. I think it can stem from a range of issues, from lack of self-esteem and feelings of insecurity, to contol/domination issues. You handled it very well. [​IMG]
  8. maplesky7

    maplesky7 Flock Mistress

    Jun 14, 2008
    N. IL.
    [​IMG] way to go dad.
  9. newchickenfamily

    newchickenfamily Chillin' With My Peeps

    [​IMG] Way to go Nifty.... My DD (now 4th grade) had some similar friend issues in 1st and 2nd grade. We dealt with it pretty much the same way. She has moved on from those particular girls and has a nice social circle at this point in time!
  10. You did a great job,and may have stoped a girl who would have become a bully There are so many of those in schools today, and I think most of it comes from the child not having enough love and attention at home. By Alana showing she wanted to be friends with her as much as friends with other children, she was showing the value of friendship with many people is better than friendship with one. [​IMG] marrie

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