1. If this is your first time on BYC, we suggest you start with one of these three options:
    Raising Chickens Chicken Coops Join BYC
    If you're already a member of our community, click here to login & click here to learn what's new!

Teenaged girls, drama, and a few scars on the wrist.

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by Chickengal505, May 19, 2011.

  1. Chickengal505

    Chickengal505 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jan 4, 2010
    Bolivia N.C
    I have a teenaged friend (who will remain un-named) and she is convinced she is a complete loser. Shes not though, she has a butt load of friends and alot of the boys like her. She dresses nicely and as far as I know nobody teases her. But she feels completely useless. A guy (who shall aslo remain un-named) used her, sweet talked her, convinced her he loved her and then turned his back when she needed him, asked out another girl, called her a loser and completely broke her heart. A long time ago she cut her self, shes not addicted to it but she prefers to have to worry about physical pain than emotional pain. Well, she started cutting herself again and I'm pretty worried. She trusted me with this sercet and I'm determined to keep it. I'm hesitent to tell her parents as they would be.... harsh on her. They love her they just dont.... know how to be there for her. I'm trying to convince her to start going to a therapist, but as you could see that would involve telling her parents. If this gets out of control I would (of course) but I think I'm going to let her take her time with this. She's not cutting deep enought to pop a vein, just grasing the skin enough to make it bleed and leave a scar. I really don't know what to do. So I'm turning to you guys. Any input, positive or negative is glady accepted. I just need some feed back. what do you all feel I should do?
    -Thanks, Holly
     
  2. debilorrah

    debilorrah The Great Guru of Yap Premium Member

    There are alot of youth programs that do not require a parent be involved. It is and always will be confidential what is talked about too. Try and help her find one in your area. She needs help before it gets worse.
     
  3. Okie Amazon

    Okie Amazon Chillin' With My Peeps

    682
    1
    121
    Mar 22, 2011
    Midwest City
    Get help for your friend. Now.
     
  4. hlf1996

    hlf1996 Chillin' With My Peeps

    588
    1
    123
    Mar 24, 2011
    California
    it sounds like she is doing the "cutting" for somebody to reach out to her, its like a sign for help. you should talk to her and if she keeps doing it, tell her parents or have her tell her parents. im sure they would rather take her to a therapist than have her get seriously hurt.
     
  5. Momagain1

    Momagain1 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Feb 13, 2011
    Central IL
    ok I'm talking as a parent here who has been through that with her daughter...

    GET

    HER

    PARENTS

    INVOLVED

    NOW!!!!!!!!

    OR take her to the ER; so they can do a psych eval...seriously...

    This girl is SCREAMING OUT FOR HELP!!!!!!! OH MY GOSH Please get her help...3 yrs ago I found out my daughter was cutting...I'm a harsh parent; I dont
    take things lightly..I'm hardest on my oldest daughter...I admit that...but if you dont get her help NOW..it will turn into something MORE serious!!
    My DD cut, then she moved onto suicidal tendencies; last yr....she was hospitalized many many days, many many times...she was missing for a while..
    cutting is a serious sign of needing help!! Please, I am so sick to my stomach to see this..you need to get them involved, she needs counseling big time..
    she probably needs some kind of antidepressant or anxiety med or treatment of some sort...


    I love my daughter but I didnt know how to be there for her..its called family counseling...You love this girl and you want to help her..but imagine if the
    tables were turned and your child was hurting his/herself and you didnt know and found out later after it was too late?? you'd be angrier than you can
    ever imagine....and sad you didnt get the chance to help your own child....

    ok/ I gotta quit...my nerves are all wacked out..cause i've been there...I'm so sad for this girl and how helpless she feels!!!
     
  6. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

    35,112
    121
    458
    May 19, 2008
    Western MA
    You need to tell her parents..period. She needs to know that you will NOT just sit back and accept that behavior... its not healthy and its also very dangerous.
    If your a real friend..you tell her preants so she can some help that she needs.
     
  7. julie75

    julie75 Chillin' With My Peeps

    I agree with momagain1. My 13 year old daughter is currently in a residentual treatment facility. You can make her an appointment with a therapist or support group without her parents. But personally as a parent I would want to know what was going on. It may be that your friend can get started in therapy, and the telling of the parents could be handled in one of those sessions. The therapist would be there to give your friend support, but also to support the parents and help them understand. You said her parents were harsh on her and I was initially harsh on my daughter also. That came from me feeling scared, helpless, and blaming myself. To be honest I felt that it was all my fault and that I had failed as a parent.
     
  8. Chickengal505

    Chickengal505 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jan 4, 2010
    Bolivia N.C
    She knows I'm there for her, and she has reached out and I have answered but when I mean harsh, as in, her parents aren't... It's complicated, she would get severly punished for something like this. Her famliy loves her but they cause her so much emotional distress. She spends alot of time over at my house and we talk every day. I'm trying to find a way to get her help, without upsetting her. I'm stepping on eggshells here because if I did tell someone she would have an outburst and hack her hand off or something, and if I don't she'll ruin her life... The worst part is, at her school, the kids that cut them selves are worshiped, their the "popular crowd". I love her and I only want the best for her. Momagain1, I've read alot of your posts and I really feel for you, I can't perseve how painfull this all must've been [​IMG] Redhen, I understand and I see your point but I have to ask you to see mine, if I where to "betray" her she may do things much worse to herself... I think I'm going to try and help her through this and we WILL tell her parents, I'm just not shure she's... stable. And I'm so worried I'm going to thorw her over the edge.
     
  9. Momagain1

    Momagain1 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Feb 13, 2011
    Central IL
    Quote:DITTO!!!! & I still do, even though I realize she's 20 now and completely able to make her own choices..I still feel like i failed...its something I work on daily!!
     
  10. Momagain1

    Momagain1 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Feb 13, 2011
    Central IL
    Quote:I'm also going to say; cutters are very good manipulators as well. You are giving her positive attention...so was I when i was trying to deal with my dd's cutting/suicidal stuff...attention even you walking on egg shells is attention..so the more she cuts & cries out to you, the more attention she gets too...

    My daughter is STILL a master manipulator...and I guarantee...you mark my words; My hubby & I get to have a few days away on June 2-4th, we are going to ICHE (homeschoolers convention) and last yr when we went..is when she ran away and no one could find her...master manipulator...because we were manipulated into coming home to find her etc...on one of our only times away......

    yes; kids at school who cut are the dangerous/popular crowd...
    you know what?? Sometimes you have to call the bluff...you do...one time my DD called me and said I'm going to kill myself.. I had had enough and said so whats different than the lat 15 times you said that??
    and I didnt come running..I couldnt I was completely, emotionally, mentally gone..guess what?? she didnt..and I am thankful and realize she could have..but I cant be her puppet all my life...
    how do you know she'll have an outburst? maybe you need to go to the school counselor and tell her this and have the counselor confront her and it is OFF YOUR SHOULDERS..but le the counseror
    know that you cannot have her know that YOU told her..bexcause you want her to have a place to come outside of her home/school time to talk to if she needs it...so her counselor can say that she was told that
    she is cutting and it was heard through the grapevine...and then let the counselor start the ball rolling???
     

BackYard Chickens is proudly sponsored by