An oldie, but a goody! My human will never let me eat their pet hamster and I am at peace with that. I will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium. I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, and then come home and throw them up so the humans can see that I am getting plenty of roughage. We will not play "Herd of thundering wilderbeasts stampeding across the plains of the Sarengeti" over the human's bed while they're trying to sleep. I will not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves. I will not stick my paw into ANY container to see if there's something in it. And I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement off my fur. If I bite the cactus, it will bite back. When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house. It is not necessary to check every door. I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true. When my human plays darts, I will not leap into the air and attempt to catch them. I will not swat my human's head repeatedly when they are on the family room floor trying to do sit ups. When my human is typing at the computer their forearms are NOT a hammock. Computer and TV screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail. I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has watched a horror movie. I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at NOTHING after my human has watched the X files. I will not drag dirty socks onto the bed at night and then yell at the top of my lungs so that my humans can admire my "kill". I will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the night and stare until they wake up. I will not walk on the keyboard when my human is writing an important messagaegfsg gdjag;in If I MUST claw my human I will not do it in such a way that the scars resemble a botched suicide attempt. If I must give a present to my human guests, my toy mouse is much more socially acceptable than a big live bug, even if it isn't as tasty. And my cat's personal one: It is not necessary for me to run inside any building just because the door is opened; unless I want to live in that building for a very long time.